Court Fight waged over brain damaged moms tripplets

[Marigold2]

Apperently I feel differently or see things in a different light then some here. That is ok by me, I am a very pratical person.
I have reread my post..........................
I believe at this age it will give the children nightmares to see their mom like this. When she does not interact it will frighten them and bore them in a very short time.
As a mother I stated that I would not want my children to spend their life waiting for the possibilty that I may or may not get well. I stand by that. I want my kids to live happy lives, they cannot help me and I cannot love them now or be a part of their lives so let me go and be happy.
Visit once a month to make sure my care is ok but if there is a reason to pull the plug please go ahead. My organs then can help others, my kids will get some life insurance money, my husbend can watch baseball and listen to classical music all he wants and he can start to look for someone who can love him back and share his life as for me well hopefully I will be up in heaven, so it's a win, win, win, win.
The Dr's in her case do not feel will improve. How long is the husbend suppose to wait to have love again, to have a partner, a friend, a lover?
He will have to go home alone, raise the kids alone, face all the hardship and joy alone and every night after a hard day he goes to bed alone and has no one to talk to, dream with, share joys with or have a gentle touch.
Family helps but in the end you are alone especially at night when bed time comes and you want your partner there to cuddle with and confide to and share hopes and dreams and plans and feel safe.
He deserves all that, his wife is uncapable of giving that and yes it is sad sad sad but one cannot change facts, he should move on and enjoy his life.
I am sorry your friend is in a coma. Truly I am.
As I stated my mom was as well and I sat by her bedside every night and spoke to her, and in all that time there was no response, just random twiches. I would like to think that she heard my voice and knew that I was there praying for her and being there for her but the truth is she was in a coma and I doubt she ever knew I was there.
We have funerals for the living so that we can say goodbye and pay or repects the dead are dead and don't care.
We put ads in the paper on a loved ones birthday who has passed for whom is that, it's for us, the death don't read? I always find these ads somewhat said and a bit odd.
We buy expensive caskets, flowers, have music song all for our benefit, the dead don't hear.
We need this riutual so that we can say goodbye. The dead attend but aren't the life of the party. LOL sorry weird humor there.
I guess what I am trying to say is that many of these things are for us to try and heal and cope, the the dead and the person in the coma well it does not benefit them at all.
Has anyone ever heard of a coma victim waking and saying "I heard your voice" "Because of you being here I know Aunt Joan has cancer, my cousin Jane is graduating and Penny is having a baby?
Does anyone have any knowledge of this occuring? I have yet to hear of this any where.

If this sounds mean or unfeeling so be it, I see it as practical and kind.

How many of you would want to continue to be alive in this women's shoes??

Or would you rather be up in heaven if that is what you believe?

[Karen]

Has anyone ever heard of a coma victim waking and saying "I heard your voice" "Because of you being here I know Aunt Joan has cancer, my cousin Jane is graduating and Penny is having a baby?
Does anyone have any knowledge of this occuring? I have yet to hear of this any where.

Yes, it has happened. People have awakened from lengthy comas, and people have had heir status misdiagnosed as a coma, too. And people have said they heard every word a loved one was saying, even when they were unable to respond. Just Google it, you'll find plenty.

[pomtzu]

Yes, it has happened. People have awakened from lengthy comas, and people have had heir status misdiagnosed as a coma, too. And people have said they heard every word a loved one was saying, even when they were unable to respond. Just Google it, you'll find plenty.

Yes - very true.

Marigold - did you ever hear of "The Man Who Slept For 19 Years"? There is a documentary about him that has aired on Discovery Health Channel a number of times, and there's also a lot of reading material about him. Just Google and you'll find lots - his name is Terry Wallis and he lives in The Ozarks.

He was in a automobile accident and lapsed into a coma due to severe head injuries - he was 19 at the time. He was cared for AT HOME by his MOTHER and not put in a nursing home. One day after being in this condition for nearly 20 years, he woke up. He is able to speak (tho slurred), but has amnesia from the time of the accident to present. He still thinks that he is 19, and that his now grown daughter is the girl that was his wife at the time of the accident.. He is living in the past, but he is living, breathing, speaking, thinking, etc........ His mother never gave up on him!!!

So is a coma a death sentence for someone??? Not by any means what-so-ever.


And one more thing - this brain damaged woman that is the topic of this thread, is not in a coma - she is in a presistant vegetative state.. There IS a difference.

[Cataholic]

Maybe the reason some of see this situation differently than Marigold2 is because so the different relationships we have, or sadly, have had, with our own mothers and children. If we are coming from a position of strained relationships, or feel resentful about our own mothers or children, then, that might explain why we feel differently.
(Mom- in case you are reading this, I do NOT feel this way! )

[Marigold2]

You are so correct. Because my mom was a concentration camp survior and lost her entire family in the war she certaintly knew the meaning of life and it's worth.
She never wanted to be one of those people who was kept alive by machines. She told me once there are worst things then death, I have never forgotten those words.
She was never bitter or mean but she did want her children to grab live by the horns and run with it, because you never know.
When she died she left a poem for my brother and I perhaps some of you know it.
Do not stand by my grave and cry I am not dead I did not die.
Even though her grave is not far from my home I take her advice and see her love in a butterfly or a flower growing.
I too have told my children don't stand by my bed if I am stricken by coma or illness, honor my love for you by being the best you can be and enjoy life to the fullest that is the greatest gift you can give me, being happy.
I had the sweetest most wonderful mom anyone can imagine, her wish for me was to always find happiness in life and that is what I do. My wacky sense of humor is part of that.
Sometimes I am very blunt about matters but I am honest. I will tell a person they look like s&*t in that dress if they ask and then help them find a dress they can feel truly pretty in instead of saying "oh you look great" and they don't.
If someone says does this outfit make me look fat? I will honestly say "yes it is because you need to lose some weight" at first they are kind of dumb struck because usually people aren't that honest but then after a few minutes they look at me and say something to the effect, "I know I am fat, I need help losing weight"
Sometimes people do get upset with my honesty but it is only because they know it is true often, not always of course but often I just blurt out what everyone is thinking. It's just me being me.

Maybe the reason some of see this situation differently than Marigold2 is because so the different relationships we have, or sadly, have had, with our own mothers and children. If we are coming from a position of strained relationships, or feel resentful about our own mothers or children, then, that might explain why we feel differently.
(Mom- in case you are reading this, I do NOT feel this way! )

[caseysmom]

Being tactful can get you far in life, if just being a kind, tactful person isn't enough in its own right.

[Lady's Human]

There's a fine line between honesty and cruelty, and you cross it routinely.

[Asiel]

You are so correct. Because my mom was a concentration camp survior and lost her entire family in the war she certaintly knew the meaning of life and it's worth.
She never wanted to be one of those people who was kept alive by machines. She told me once there are worst things then death, I have never forgotten those words.
She was never bitter or mean but she did want her children to grab live by the horns and run with it, because you never know.
When she died she left a poem for my brother and I perhaps some of you know it.
Do not stand by my grave and cry I am not dead I did not die.
Even though her grave is not far from my home I take her advice and see her love in a butterfly or a flower growing.
I too have told my children don't stand by my bed if I am stricken by coma or illness, honor my love for you by being the best you can be and enjoy life to the fullest that is the greatest gift you can give me, being happy.
I had the sweetest most wonderful mom anyone can imagine, her wish for me was to always find happiness in life and that is what I do. My wacky sense of humor is part of that.
Sometimes I am very blunt about matters but I am honest. I will tell a person they look like s&*t in that dress if they ask and then help them find a dress they can feel truly pretty in instead of saying "oh you look great" and they don't.
If someone says does this outfit make me look fat? I will honestly say "yes it is because you need to lose some weight" at first they are kind of dumb struck because usually people aren't that honest but then after a few minutes they look at me and say something to the effect, "I know I am fat, I need help losing weight"
Sometimes people do get upset with my honesty but it is only because they know it is true often, not always of course but often I just blurt out what everyone is thinking. It's just me being me.

We have friends who are concentration camp survivors and they don't look at life the way you do, so there goes that theory. They have raised 4 great compassionte caring children who would never abandon them in a sad situation like this one.
You think the kids will have nightmares because they see their precious mother in this state? And what about the crap they will be exposed to at the movies or on television....some of those would give the sanest person nightmares but I don't see kids turning away for fear of nightmares and I don't see parents forbidding them to watch this trash.
I truly feel sorry for you if you have the kind of children who would walk away and desert you if you became a "vegie salad" . You might think this is what you want now but if you were struck down like this poor woman I think you would change your mind, It's easy to say you wouldn't want your family to bother with you but until you walk in those shoes you have no idea how much you would yearn for your family.
Myself, I hope to have raised my kids to be compassionate enough not to abandon me if ever the day did come when I was in that state because I know I would treasure every precious moment they would be near me and I know they would feel my love for them.

[Cataholic]

]Sometimes I am very blunt about matters but I am honest. I will tell a person they look like s&*t in that dress if they ask and then help them find a dress they can feel truly pretty in instead of saying "oh you look great" and they don't.
If someone says does this outfit make me look fat? I will honestly say "yes it is because you need to lose some weight" at first they are kind of dumb struck because usually people aren't that honest but then after a few minutes they look at me and say something to the effect, "I know I am fat, I need help losing weight"
Sometimes people do get upset with my honesty but it is only because they know it is true often, not always of course but often I just blurt out what everyone is thinking. It's just me being me.

Well, you being you isn't very nice to read, many times.

I couldn't imagine telling anyone what you seemingly find no compuncture with. True has nothing to do with it.

Not too long ago, you posted some pictures of you and one of your kids. I would imagine had anyone posted what they truly thought, you would have been flabbergasted! I am not suggesting anyone thought anything about it. But, I bet the Mayor would have been on the horn so fast heads would have spun had anyone said, "you look like a sad, old woman in that picture". Hey- it is the "truth", right? Kind of like a free pass in life?

You sound mean, harsh, unloving and really, really unkind. I bet you are one lonely old woman, and you hide behind your tough veneer cause otherwise, the crying would never stop.

I am just being truthful.

[Marigold2]

You are certaintly entitled to your opinion. I do not take offense at all.
I usually don't. Your opinion of me is just that your opinion it does not impact my life at all or my thoughts.
I would not want my kids to sit by my bedside because I do love them so much and want them to get on with their lives and enjoy it to the fullest. If I am a so called veggie salad I really can't do much if anything for them, I can't be a mom or wife or friend any more and it's time for me to meet my maker.
I feel that expecting my kids to put their lives on hold for years is selfish, very unmom like in fact. Why should they miss out on life, what happens is unfair yes but my kids would be strong and healthy, have families of their own to look out for, love and enjoy everyday? Knowing my kids are happy is my first and most powerful need. If that is being selfish then I am guily as charged. I truly think differently then most. But again that is ok.
I look at it that way. I guess that is why people make living wills so they don't have to be hooked up to machines to keep their heart beating when their brain is gone.
Has no one here made a living will? Is that not the intent of a living will?
As for the picture of me, I don't know which one you are referring to.
I don't look old I know that for a fact and as for unhappy well I am not.
Sorry to disappoint you I thought I look kinda cute, hubby thinks so.

[Medusa]

You are so correct. Because my mom was a concentration camp survior and lost her entire family in the war she certaintly knew the meaning of life and it's worth.
She never wanted to be one of those people who was kept alive by machines. She told me once there are worst things then death, I have never forgotten those words.
She was never bitter or mean but she did want her children to grab live by the horns and run with it, because you never know.
When she died she left a poem for my brother and I perhaps some of you know it.
Do not stand by my grave and cry I am not dead I did not die.
Even though her grave is not far from my home I take her advice and see her love in a butterfly or a flower growing.
I too have told my children don't stand by my bed if I am stricken by coma or illness, honor my love for you by being the best you can be and enjoy life to the fullest that is the greatest gift you can give me, being happy.
I had the sweetest most wonderful mom anyone can imagine, her wish for me was to always find happiness in life and that is what I do. My wacky sense of humor is part of that.
Sometimes I am very blunt about matters but I am honest. I will tell a person they look like s&*t in that dress if they ask and then help them find a dress they can feel truly pretty in instead of saying "oh you look great" and they don't.
If someone says does this outfit make me look fat? I will honestly say "yes it is because you need to lose some weight" at first they are kind of dumb struck because usually people aren't that honest but then after a few minutes they look at me and say something to the effect, "I know I am fat, I need help losing weight"
Sometimes people do get upset with my honesty but it is only because they know it is true often, not always of course but often I just blurt out what everyone is thinking. It's just me being me.

I think that you're confusing honesty w/cruelty. One can be honest w/o being hurtful. If someone asks me "Do I look fat in this dress?", I would answer w/something on the order of "It doesn't show off your best features". A small kindness can work wonders for someone's self esteem but to gut someone and call it honesty is dishonest.

[Medusa]

Has anyone ever heard of a coma victim waking and saying "I heard your voice" Does anyone have any knowledge of this occuring?

Years ago I saw just this very thing on the Phil Donahue show. A man had been in a coma for years (I think it was 9 years but I can't be sure). He came out of the coma and aside from slight paralysis and a slight speech impediment, he was nearly as he was before the coma. He said that he was aware of what was going on around him and that he heard what people said to him. I've never forgotten that ever. My brother Chuck was in a coma and I made sure I told him that I loved him before he died. My good friend Helen was also in a coma and I went to see her quite often before she died. I talked to her just as I did before she sank into the coma. If neither of them could understand me, then they at least could feel me holding their hands, stroking their faces and telling them that I loved them. I would hope that someone would do the same for me should that ever happen to me.