Tough times....now pain behind knee...trying positive thinking

[Anikaca77]

He said that he won't be putting his ring back on until I stop the pissy attitude. I'm going back to my sister this weekend because she is having surgery tomorrow, I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with the cash to get there and back. I'd ask her for $$ but she has to pay $500 tomorrow for her surgery it's a dedutible thing, and then she'll have to pay out another $500 for the proper orthodics. So I can't ask her but I'm hoping with me being gone from Thursday late in the evening till Sunday it will give us a little time to think about whether we really do want this to work and if it can work. I love our cats so much and he does too. We would both suffer there with missing the 5 we wouldn't have.

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

Thanks for writing to me.
Melissa

[pomtzu]

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

A lot of plans (401's anyway), have a "hardship" clause. Have you looked into this?

[Anikaca77]

A lot of plans (401's anyway), have a "hardship" clause. Have you looked into this?

I'll check, I've taken out loans before and they allowed me to do it but now they say that I don't have any funds available. The payment comes directly out of my check at the end of the month but I know my employer wouldn't be very happy about me taking out another loan. I don't think they really understand tough times though.

Melissa

[pomtzu]

I'll check, I've taken out loans before and they allowed me to do it but now they say that I don't have any funds available. The payment comes directly out of my check at the end of the month but I know my employer wouldn't be very happy about me taking out another loan. I don't think they really understand tough times though.

Melissa

I definitely would not, advise you to take out a loan with anyone at this point! That would just be adding more fuel to the fire. I thought perhaps you had a 401K plan where you had some funds built up (this is your money and not your employer's). Most plans allow for early withdrawal for hardships, altho the reasons to qualify are pretty tough, and taxes on it are very steep.

And I really have to agree with most of what Cataholic said. Please take care Melissa.

[carole]

yes honey you don't need to be adding any stress in to your already very stressful life Johanna has a good point there,maybe you feel you need to be there for your sister, i can well understand that and maybe the break from your husband might do you both some good, but think hard on it before making the decision to leave, the same problems will still be there waiting for you when you get back, but it might give you both some time to reflect on the situation, i guess only you can decide what is best for you and your relationship right now.

Tell me what does your husband mean by your pissy attitude, i am not really sure what that term means, or what he means by it, do you yourself think he is right?

I can only wish you well and hope that things improve,both emotionally and financially and soon,take care and hugs and remember i am here for you.

[Scooter's Mom]

Tell me what does your husband mean by your pissy attitude, i am not really sure what that term means, or what he means by it, do you yourself think he is right?

Only playing devils advocate here - we're only seeing 1 side to the situation and from her husbands viewpoint things could be very different. I'm not saying they ARE different, but that from his viewpoint they could be.


I hope you find some relief and are able to rest and heal - mentally and physically. And find some healing in your relationship as well.

[cassiesmom]

Thoughts and prayers for Melissa, and a candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/...g&cid=10590464

[Cataholic]

He said that he won't be putting his ring back on until I stop the pissy attitude. I'm going back to my sister this weekend because she is having surgery tomorrow, I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with the cash to get there and back. I'd ask her for $$ but she has to pay $500 tomorrow for her surgery it's a dedutible thing, and then she'll have to pay out another $500 for the proper orthodics. So I can't ask her but I'm hoping with me being gone from Thursday late in the evening till Sunday it will give us a little time to think about whether we really do want this to work and if it can work. I love our cats so much and he does too. We would both suffer there with missing the 5 we wouldn't have.

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

Thanks for writing to me.
Melissa

I find myself, sometimes, in such a tizzy that I don't stop and look around, and really examine where I am going and where I am, presently.

When I read the above, about you going to your sister's, the first thing that came to my mind was WHY? You have no money, you have, seemingly, no extra energy right now to devote to anyone, let alone yourself, WHY are you doing anything but taking it very, very, very easy in terms of stress, emotional and physical demands (whether it be your sister or your husband, or rescue cats), commitments, etc.

To me- IMO- you need to stop, and relax (as much as possible), say 'no thank you' to any extra time commitments/activities, etc. You need to say to your husband, "for the time being, let's just agree to co-exist without ANY 'heavy' talks". You need time to sit and reflect and stop the pin-ball actions that are sending you in a different direction at every term. You need to let go of trying to control this situation that for the time being has no possibility of being controlled.

I would stop posting stuff on Craigslist, I wouldn't ask my employer for money, I wouldn't go to my sister's, I wouldn't do anything unless I absolutely had to for my personal safety. I would just stop. And rest. And reflect. You are in such a state right now that I fear for your mental health.