Tough times....now pain behind knee...trying positive thinking

[carole]

Oh my dear Melissa, i am so sorry to read all of this, i did not realise how much pressure you were under, not only financially but emotionally.

Sadly i can only offer you some advice, not that i am any expert, but i have been married for coming up 19 years, and it has not always been easy, we have had our ups and downs and nearly split up a few times, but if you love each other and you say you do, you just have to keep trying at it, sometimes there is no chance, but from what you say, there is no violence, cheating etc, so i think it is well worth another shot, three years is not long to be married in my eyes.

I think way too many people give up so soon these days in marriage,i certainly don't suggest anyone should stay in a bad or violent marriage, but we all have things that irritate us, or need working out, you just have to be prepared to do the hard work, marriage is not easy by any means, even if you are the best of friends and love one another,sometimes it is the little petty things that cause so many problems, in hindsight you realise just how stupid it is to be arguing over those things, but we still do it,I just say don't give up yet sweetheart,there sounds like a lot worth saving in your marriage.

And personally for us we found the first few years our hardest, we were older though and i already had a child from a previous marriage, so there were other things that came in to it, we were both set in our ways and had to become used to each other.

I don't really know the depth of your problems and i am not going to pry, that is personal,but they don't sound to serious from what you have shared with us.

I once remember watching a Dr Phil episode, he actually said it only takes one person in a relationship to make changes, i always thought it took two also, but if that person makes changes, then the other automatically does as well, responding to you.

I hope you do try to give your marriage another chance,with all the other things going on, it is also contributing to the strain in your marriage, remember that, and even if he does not go to counselling you keep at it, it will help you no matter what decisions are made.

I am thinking of you and hoping things improve on both fronts, take care and giant hugs.