My poor Grandma :(

[K9karen]

So sad. Been there, so I can fully understand your dad's situation. Being a caretaker is a tough and stressful job. Far be it from me to condemn smoking, so just be sure your dad's around when she lights up. Grandmom may forget she's holding a ciggie. The mind sure is an intricate thing. And it's ever so sad to see our loved ones slip away from reality. I think the phone calls and support you're giving your dear dad is good medicine for him. You're a good daughter.

[king2005]

So sad. Been there, so I can fully understand your dad's situation. Being a caretaker is a tough and stressful job. Far be it from me to condemn smoking, so just be sure your dad's around when she lights up. Grandmom may forget she's holding a ciggie. The mind sure is an intricate thing. And it's ever so sad to see our loved ones slip away from reality. I think the phone calls and support you're giving your dear dad is good medicine for him. You're a good daughter.

since she sleeps all morning & most the afternoon, that means can can only smoke from dinner time until 10pm (when dad puts her to bed), she can & does read in bed, but there is NO smoking in bed Dad is always home for the night just before dinner time

Dad has tested the floor a few times to see what happens when a full smoke is lit & falls.. It just leaves a mark, no smoke, no fire, no spark.. nothing happens.. So he feels confident about it. He still hates it, but hes kinda stuck... Shes not an adult so you can't talk to her like one... shes a teen & has horrid fits of rage & then cries... It's pretty bad.. Dad just can't do it to her. Also smoking is one of the very few things she enjoys & can do...

I also told him to keep an eye on Buttons, cause she might start to accidentally abuse him (use him as an ashtray). He said he knows, he's been keeping an eye on how she is with him. She is a little too rough with him as hes not a puppy anymore (pushes him off the chair so she can get up.. its hard on his bad back, he needs to be set down.. not like she could do that anyways)... So dad does his best to keep the dog healthy so it can outlive grandma... Right now it's going to be close.. Grandma isn't like she use to be & neither is Buttons (14yrs old this yr)... If that dog dies I can see grandma falling into Dementia super fast. That dog is her life.. If the dog outlives her, the dog will be put down & buried with her... The dog is HER dog, Grandma is HIS life... When she was in the hospital for 2 weeks several yrs ago, the dog nearly killed himself. He went insane. Refused to eat & drink, wouldn't sleep, & barked non-stop, as he was trying to find Grandma.. He was rushed to the vet so he wouldn't die.. he was given meds & an IV... After that, they took him to visit her every day. He would eat in her room & drink.. when he was home he was lost again, but only until the next day.. he was calmer but a complete mess.. poor little guy

[Taz_Zoee]

I have no advice for you. I am sorry about your grandma.
I just wanted to say, your dad sounds like a wonderful person.

[Catty1]

Your poor Grandma...and she has NO idea what is happening to her!

I am NOT a fan of medicating a person to make them compliant...but I wonder if a mild tranny or something would make her less fearful and at least feel a bit calmer? To live so terrified is awful.

I am glad your Dad does get a bit of a break, and that coupon thing sounds like a great deal!

Prayers that things can be a bit calmer for your Grandma and your Dad.

And I agree - you ARE a WONDERFUL daughter!

[king2005]

Thanks guys
I do try to do the best I can

The scared thing doesn't happen too often right now. Since she sleeps all morning, that gives dad a lot of time to do things, so she has NO idea he's even been gone.

Now that she is getting worse, dad will adapt to her new needs, so she doesn't get scared. We most likely wont medicate her to make her a veggie, its just not who we are. If she reaches full blown dementia & gets scared all the time, then thats prob when dad would medicate her into a veggie, so she wont live in a never ending nightmare.

My great grandmother lived in a never ending nightmare & she got hurt so many times, nearly broke her leg, then her arm She would cry everyday & non of her bloody kids (her, nor her kids share our blood, she married my widowed grandfather's dad) would visit her, only my grandma would. I hated going there & I'm 100% guilty at avoiding her. I feel terrible, but I just couldn't handle her crying all the time & wanting to come home.. Thats all she wanted for 10+yrs.. was to come home.. it was horrible
I do love her, but I was soooo thankful when she passed away a few months ago, that poor women is not at rest. She was 98

I'm pro Assisted Suicide for cases like this. We can end our pets horrid suffering, but its ok to let our human loved ones to live in hell for 10yrs.. I don't understand how that is right, I just don't My grandma isn't close to that, shes very much alive & ok... but if she goes into full blown dementia & is scared all the time, I would wish the assisted suicide option was available. However if she wasn't scared & was in a happy dementia, then assisted suicide would not be an option. Just my opinion, I don't expect others to share it.

[Catty1]

OH, gosh, I didn't mean veggie at all! Just something to take the edge off for her.

{{{hugs}}}

[king2005]

OH, gosh, I didn't mean veggie at all! Just something to take the edge off for her.

{{{hugs}}}

Sorry I interpreted it wrong
So something that would make her more happy... like a prozac?