Where I'm at now...something positive

[pomtzu]

I am planning my trip to Virginia. To the Siamese Dedication of Lights.
http://va.siameserescue.org/DOL2009.php

I will light a light for dear old Malfi, who I lost in February.
I just can't wrap my head around the caring husband I knew, who cared for this old cat so much. Malfi needed SO much care, and after his 'cleaning ordeal' he would just slip into bed, under the covers with my 'husband' and all was forgiven. My 'husband' never rejected him, and this lasted for years.
When Malfi left for the Bridge, it was my 'husband' that didn't think it was his time. The night he left, on the bed where he lived, was a card and a rose from Malfi to Thank his 'daddy'.
There is a total disconnect between the man who did this and the selfish man I know now, who called the cats a burden, and prefers to live like a 'college student' somewhere just to be away from this life and me.
Hang in there - better days are ahead!

Dec 12 will be my Christmas. I just don't have any 'spirit' in me for doing the traditional things like, decorating, baking, even listening to Christmas music. It hurts to see any of that, but it is somewhat unavoidable when you see it around you. It just doesn't mean anything.
Nevertheless, Christmas will come and it will go. I will try to do something constructive with it. And maybe next year will be better.

Wow - this story brought tears to my eyes - especially what you related about the rose and the card.

Believe it or not, but someday you will remember your ex for the good in him, and not all the bad. Believe me - I've been there. It took me a long time to do it, but I decided if I was going to have any peace in my life, then I had to bury the negative. Oh sure - I still joke about the bad - especially around family - but I really no longer dwell on it in my mind. And it only took me 15 years to do it!!!

[rosethecopycat]

Wow - this story brought tears to my eyes - especially what you related about the rose and the card.

Believe it or not, but someday you will remember your ex for the good in him, and not all the bad. Believe me - I've been there. It took me a long time to do it, but I decided if I was going to have any peace in my life, then I had to bury the negative. Oh sure - I still joke about the bad - especially around family - but I really no longer dwell on it in my mind. And it only took me 15 years to do it!!!

Ellie- thanks for the thoughts. I don't think I'll ever be where you are, even in 15 years. There was no 'bad' in him, before he betrayed me. Now the best I can do for myself is to 'surgically remove' all the memories of him, leaving me with just my memories of places and things. I traveled the world with him, over 100 countries. I want to remember the experience, but I want to use the 'delete tool' and Photoshop him out of it.
Let him remember the 'good' in me, and how I was devoted to him, and loved him with all my strength. I regret ever giving him a chance, he wasted my time, for 16 years.

I will only think of Malfi at this dedication. He was a wonderful soul, so grateful and gentle. I miss that broken down old cat SO much.