Courtesy, manners and tradition

[Catlady711]

As a representative of the "ME" generation, I have to speak up.

I believe titles preclude a relationship to hierarchal structures of subordinate vs. dominant....
We see them as stuffy, static, and unnecessary....

We are equals....

I refuse to be limited by my age or societal norms....

Gone are the days when professors lectured you, the subordinate student. Gone are the days of incontrovertible submission.

We have simply been taught that everybody is equal, that certain social constructs (as history has taught us) deserve to be questioned.... We have been taught equality - that it surpasses the limitations of economic status, race, gender, and, YES, age.

What those parts say to me (in a broad sense) is 'I'll do what I want, be submissive to no one for any reason, and question anyone in authority'. That's how I take those statements, no matter how polite, nice or sweet you may actually be in other areas.

[caseysmom]

What those parts say to me (in a broad sense) is 'I'll do what I want, be submissive to no one for any reason, and question anyone in authority'. That's how I take those statements, no matter how polite, nice or sweet you may actually be in other areas.

I would be willing to go out on a limb here and guess that giselle has never been in any kind of trouble at school...so this is a little off base.

[Catlady711]

I would be willing to go out on a limb here and guess that giselle has never been in any kind of trouble at school...so this is a little off base.

It's obvious that you are a good friend to her and like her very much which is great. However I never said she was in any, or caused trouble, in school or out. I was simply responding in a general way with how I take her general views on her generation. There is nothing 'off base' about it.

[caseysmom]

It's obvious that you are a good friend to her and like her very much which is great. However I never said she was in any, or caused trouble, in school or out. I was simply responding in a general way with how I take her general views on her generation. There is nothing 'off base' about it.

Actually we have met once but I have read her posts for years. In comparison to Giselle in years I am a lot older but in maturity and intellect she is my equal...or actually she is brighter than I am for sure.

[Giselle]

It's not sad at all.

No, I do not call my teachers or parents or grandparents by their first names. That is something entirely different. I'm talking specifically about adults we meet OUTSIDE work and school and nearly all of these adults introduce themselves to me by their first names. That tells me that they desire to be called by their first names. If I have never met a person before and they introduce themselves with a title, I will of course call them by their title (mostly because they have not told me their first name :P). However, if we have become closer, I will initiate and ask if I can call them by their first name. Most people are flattered because it means that we have reached a level in our relationship that we are familiar enough and respect each other enough to be on such intimate terms.

It's not about "I want this my way, so I'm going to do to you however I want". It's about respecting a person enough so that you see him or her as a friend and companion. To the "Me" generation, Mr/Ms.-Whoever is impersonal, as if there is something to be hidden. First names are intimate. I ask folks if I can call them by their first names because I want to seek that level of intimacy in our relationships. It's NOT disrespectful. It's exactly the opposite. It's about knowing and interacting with somebody on a more personal, profound level.

If there is an explicit request to be called by a title, why would I ever refuse to do so? You guys are taking my words entirely out of context. I merely attempted to explain why so many teenagers PREFER to use first names - because it is personal, it's intimate, it (to us) strengthens a relationship. Is that so disrespectful? Well, you've floored me there because everybody I've met/"met" (in terms of the Internet) always addresses me by my first name and prefers to be called by their first names as well. I didn't know I was being disrespectful by abiding by their wishes.

Also, as for the "other cultures". I'm a Chinese-American. Of all cultures, the Chinese culture immortalizes its elders. In our culture, names are an entirely different story. We don't have broad equivalents of Mr./Ms./whatever but rather specific titles for specific people. First names are also less important than last names. It's a very different story with a very different history.

[Karen]

Giselle, don't you worry. You were not even born when the "ME" generation term was first applied. It was used to refer to Baby Boomers, I was born just after the Boomers by most counts, so my two elder siblings (we are spread apart in age) are considered "boomers." When I was in college, my mom once said to me, "You know, your age group is far more polite. I had a kid your age open a door for me today, say 'please' and "you're welcome' and I don;t remember the last time one of the "ME" generation did that."

Ma was pretty observant, but of course we were expected to behave properly and be respectful to people regardless of what was expected of our peers. I remember my neighbor's parents telling me I should call them "Ken" and "Nancy" but I just couldn't! They were my friend's parents! It was just too weird, so I still called them "Mrs. ***" and "Mr. ***" and they got used to it.

I, on the other hand, still smile internally when someone calls me Ma'am - I have to remember that time has indeed gone by, and I am as old as their parents, often!

I am now more flexible. If I knew your name was Mary Jones, and you asked me to call you Ms. Jones, instead of Mary, for example, I would. And vice versa. I only corrected the little kids next door when I moved here, because they knew my aunt's last name, so they'd call me Mrs. B***** too, so I'd say, "No, my last name is Watts, but you can call me Karen if that's easier." Trying to explain that Mrs. B****** was my Great Aunt on my mother's side, and we both changed our past names when we got married, so never had a last name in common, she was my grandmother's sister, and Grandma changed Her last name when she married ... that was a little much for a 5-year-old (the oldest of them) to grasp.

[Giselle]

Ah, didn't know the exact time frames, but that's good to know!

Of course, one can be a friend, and a close one at that, with somebody whom one refers to by a title. But to me and my peers, the ability to call somebody by their first name means that you have achieved a certain level of intimacy, which is why I and my peers enjoy/prefer being on first-name-terms with many of our adult peers and companions (who, as I explained before, exist OUTSIDE of school and work and similar professional areas).

I just really fail to see how it's disrespectful to enjoy and to seek being on such intimate terms with a person. Like I said before, my neighbors and other such adults have always introduced themselves by their first names. That signals to me that they desire to be called by their first names, and I hardly see how it would be disrespectful, then, to address them without a title.

[Edwina's Secretary]

It's not about "I want this my way, so I'm going to do to you however I want". It's about respecting a person enough so that you see him or her as a friend and companion. To the "Me" generation, Mr/Ms.-Whoever is impersonal, as if there is something to be hidden. First names are intimate. I ask folks if I can call them by their first names because I want to seek that level of intimacy in our relationships. It's NOT disrespectful. It's exactly the opposite. It's about knowing and interacting with somebody on a more personal, profound level.

I am not interested in knowing everyone on a profound and intimate level.

I am not interested in being friends and companions with everyone I meet.

And what you are saying is the same thing the It generation said, the Boomers, The Bloomers the Xs and every other generation that came before you.

It is a way of finding yourself and rebelling and having been one myself...I should give you that.

[sumbirdy]

I am part of the "ME" generation as well, I suppose (I'm 19) and I find it uncomfortable to call anyone by their first name if they are more than 10 years older than me (unless they ask me too) I was raised that way, to respect my elders. I say please, thank you, excuse me ect... I hold doors open for people, I help wherever I can.

I have to say that I disagree with Giselle. I don't believe the use of titles limits me or says that I am not equal with my elders. I don't believe it takes away my dignity, responsiblilty. I am very opinionated, but I know that calling someone Mrs./Mr. doesn't tell them that they are not my friend. People older than me deserve my respect as do people younger. I have often heard people call children Miss or Master. And yes I said often, but maybe that is because I am from the south, where manners are more often found it seems (although I have met some VERY polite northerners)

The one thing I don't believe in is for younger people to only speak when spoken to. Besides being taught all of the above, I was taught to be independent, to have a mind of my own, to be creative, to listen to what my elders have to teach me and if I perceive something to be wrong to politely state my opinion (and I have so often found that I am wrong)

I tend to speak to people more freely over the internet since sometimes I don't know the ages, or names in some cases, of who I am talking to (that mostly refers to this board) and am sorry if I have been unintentionally rude to anyone here.