Barney is an Angel Now.

[Medusa]

I like that you will have the vet give him a sedative, then Barney will be feeling good when he leaves

This is what my vet did for Puddy and it made a big difference. Even though she was struggling to breathe, after the sedative and pain killer, she didn't even need to be PTS. She took her last breath in peace and, hopefully, it will be this way w/our Barney, too.

[Taz_Zoee]

I also have the monitor blurring problem every time I come to this thread. Most others here on PT have been through this once or several times. I have not. I have lost many animals but usually naturally or it was someone else's decision to let them go. Each time I read about someone having to make this decision and go through this it tears me up because I know someday I will be the one having to make the decision. I do take comfort in the fact that I have my PT family to help me through it. Just as we are all here for you, Lara.

[Catty1]

Lara, I think of Tiger and what a trooper he was too...except Barney does take his meds like a good boy!

An appointment for Barney doesn't have to be "the" appointment - though you and all of us know it probably will be. Unless Scott wants to be there, you can certainly ask Trudy what she thinks - "if it was your cat", that sort of thing. She may give him a bit more insulin and inject the tumour with pred...or she may suggest he go to the RB. She is the expert - you are the boss.

Like my mom's ancient Siamese, we hoped he would go in his sleep. He never did! He had mini-strokes, I think - so by the time she DID take him to the vet for his RB trip, he was so out of it that when I opened the carrier outside in the sunshine for him, he just stayed standing facing the back of the carrier...as he had for the car trip. He was 19 1/2.

So - it IS tough when they don't give you the sign. It's easy to think he goes back to his room to "be served" - he is a cat, after all!

When I was stuck on this type of decision years ago, I asked the vet, "If I did decide to put him to sleep, would you think it was an inappropriate decision?" Immediately she said, "Not at all."

You know as well as any of us that the vet can't make the decision...but there is a way to get their opinion without putting them on the spot.

Did you give Barney kisses for me? Even if you did, can you give him a few more?

Bless you and your heart - you will do the right thing when it is time.

[Taz_Zoee]

I will be at work at this time, so I will make sure I have enough tissue ready, because I know I will need them.

Hugs to you, Lara. And please give Barney a little one for me too.

[Scooter's Mom]

I too will be at work during this time, as I am 2 hours behind the East Coast at the moment.

Lara, please give Barney a lot of hugs for me, and some hugs for yourself as well. Barney is such a special kitty and so very loved the world over.

My prayers are with you.

[Medusa]

Lighting candles is a daily occurrence for me and at approximately 5:00 PM I will light a candle for Barney. As I anoint it w/oil, the upper half of the candle represents the spiritual realm, ie., sending our request to Spirit and the lower half of the candle represents our request being fulfilled on the earth plane. Bless you, Lara, and God speed, Barney boy.

[jazzcat]

I've missed so much of this while I was sick.

I'll be thinking about Barney and you. Please give him a little hug for me too.

[Lizzie]

Many of us know what you are going through, the churning stomach, the waking in the night, the tears choking you when you are trying to eat, the ever-present worry, and we are here for you in spirit, and will be when the time comes.

I have also experienced feeding a cat with cancer and realizing all that nutrition was simply nourishing the tumor(s); it's so gut-wrenching because you are doing your best to help the cat fight the disease and it feels as though you are simply making the cancer stronger. I've also had to make the decision to take in a cat when they are still able and willing to eat, and, like you, I've wished that they would stop to make it easier for me. Both Ginger and Nougat ate the morning of the day I took them in, but I haven't felt the slightest guilt about helping them leave this world when I did.

Given the way you describe Barney now, in your place I would take him in tomorrow. After going through this many times, coping with all kinds of guilt and self-recriminations afterward, I've realized that the only time I feel guilt about euthanasia is when I've put it off until my cat is almost begging to die. These days, I'd rather help them leave while they can still enjoy the touch of my hand.

I always go with a sedative first so I can hold them and talk to them for as long as I want before the final shot. It's such a relief to see them relax as the pain and strain of illness leave them. I'm sure Barney will look at you with thankfulness and love as he's sedated.

[kb2yjx]

Lara, I have a book " Complete Care for Your Aging Cat " by Amy D. Shojai. Chapter 6 Making Choices is excellent. " There is NO wrong answer," regarding making the final descision. " Yes, this is hard. It hurts, In a strange way, it's suppose to be hard. It wouldn't be so difficult if you didn't care so much."

" A hard decision is often the right decision when it comes out of love for your cat. Any choice you make that based on love and concern for your cat's welfare CANNOT BE WRONG."

I have made this FINAL decision too many times in the past year(4 times), it is never easy, but you have to trust your heart, and know that you ARE doing the right thing. I do not think anyone here would ever question your judgement. You are the one who is with Barney daily. And you know him best.

Just remember what my vet said about the cats wanting us to remember them " good " and not that they were so ill.....I send you prayers(for Barney, too) and HUGS for you, too!!!

[Emeraldgreen]

Hi guys, thanks for your posts.
I went into Barney's room this morning and he was as good as he's been for the past week, not worse. I know that as good as he is, isn't ideal but he is not declining any further. Because of this, I wasn't ready to do it tomorrow and thought Wednesday would be a better day. I called my work and arranged to have someone work for me that day and then called the clinic. But Robin, the vet doesn't have a space that day and doesn't work thursday so I will be taking him in on Friday. I'm just about to call and book the appointment for Friday afternoon. I will post with the time shortly afterward (so you can light your candle Sandra )

I will probably stop in to buy some more insulin today but wonder if it will make a huge difference if he doesn't get it on Wed, thurs and friday. I will ask the vet when I call.

It's just been an insane week as I'm also organizing the first feral cat meeting in our area and no one is helping me and it's been rather stressful. It is this weekend and along with Barney and a possible trip up north soon because Scott's mother is going in for surgery, it has been an awful stretch. As some of you said, it will be such a relief when this week is over. The lead up to it is the worst part. It always is and no matter how many times I go through this, that part never changes.
I know it's the right thing to do and I won't have regrets but taking him in tomorrow just wasn't sitting right with me. I just need a few more days with him and I'll be ready to say goodbye.

Thanks again everybody and I will post the time he will be going to the Bridge on Friday in a post in about half an hour.

[Pinot's Mom]

Lara, I am one of many intimately familiar with your situation; my RB kitty Jamara was 18 and had a growth assumed to be a tumor in her jaw under her tongue. We never had it biopsied because the vet thought she'd die in the process. We were liquifying her food and spoon feeding it down her throat for some time until we made the decision to end her suffering. That was over six years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

You have to remember that's what you're doing, is ending Barney's suffering. He will be going to a place where that suffering is no longer. Wish him godspeed for all of us, and take care of yourself. to all of you who made Barney feel welcome and loved, and to Barney.

[Emeraldgreen]

Barney's appointment is for 2:40p.m. on Friday. I will likely get there closer to 2:30 because of the timing of the ferry and they said Robin might be able to see us as soon as we get there.

Thank you all for sharing your stories of similar circumstances. It has been very helpful for me.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Lara, I'm sorry to hear that you've been so stressed lately. I know that making the decision to let Barney go is a very difficult one but unfortunately it's inevitable since he's not going to get better but only worse.

I've only had to make this decision one time so far and I too almost felt like I had made the wrong decision because the morning before I was to take Pepper to my vet to be put down, he seemed happier, more alert, and he was purring and purring. I had to realize that he wasn't getting any better and his health was declining. I also didn't want him to be in any more pain. I was too chicken to be in the room with him while they gave him the shot so I had to say goodbye to him before they did this. He had a country burial in a different location because I live in a condo so I don't have my own yard.

I'm glad that you'll be able to spend some more time with Barney before you let him go. Hopefully this will help you to come to terms with his illness. We'll all be there with you on Fri. in spirit and I hope that everything will go well and that he'll go peacefully. He'll never be forgotten and he'll live in your heart forever. Please take care. (((HUGS)))