Lara,

Thanks for the update on Barney. My heart breaks for him, and for you. I must say, he is one determined kitty though! I mean, the issues with his ears and the tumors and all. I was wondering if the bald spot behind his right ear was the exposed tumor, is that correct? If so, does he seem to be in pain? He certainly does seem determined, what with his appetite and following you around, though. Boy, he is one tough old boy, which makes the question of "when" all the more difficult. We've all been there and know how tough it is and with doubts and all of the second guessing that occurs. And they don't always help us out since they try are so stoic and try to hide their pain and discomfort.

With Emma, our RB kitty, we thought it might be her time on a Friday evening; she was in chronic renal failure and had trouble breathing. She had went downhill so fast from the day before that I thought it was her sign for us to let her go. We didn't leave her sight and tried to stay awake all night in the event that something happened, as we had made plans with our vet to come over the following Saturday afternoon and end her suffering. Lo and behold, she was still with us on Saturday morning; in fact, we couldn't find her. She had summoned up reserves of strength from somewhere and had walked across the room and found a new place in which to lie down! Talk about second guessing our decision, but she declined again a few hours later and we did indeed know that she wasn't going to be getting any better at that point.

I guess the point of all of my babbling on is that I understand what you are going through, and what weluvcats says up above is that there will never be a perfect time is so true, and her comments that

"I think you just have to ask yourself, "Will tomorrow be better(or worse) than today for Barney, or will it just be more of the same?...Is he really living, or is he just existing?"

are wise ones indeed. I just feel for you; I can't begin to imagine how you (and all of us here at PT) are going to be missing him. He's such an inspiration. Remember that he has known comfort and love with you and you have made such a difference in his life.

Darn it, my monitor is getting blurry again. Do you suppose there's something I can do to fix that? (Don't answer, it's rhetorical.)

Give Barney a hug and a scritch from me too. I will be thinking of you both and praying for strength, love, and peace for you and Barney this week. Wish that I could do more.

Mary