Sad Update

[NicoleLJ]

ok got it. Since you guys didn't read the post properly and took it as my therapist ordering me to get rid of my pets and you all asuming I have not looked at all the alternatives then some how I should still keep all five pets as a singe parent on aish with a rent of 1450 and an in come of 1088 and other bills on top of that. You do the math. I have been working on this for months. Angonizing over it. Sometimes there are no choices but one. WOW it is amazing what people can assume about a proffesional domestic violence therapist and when they then realize they made a mistake when they reread the wording they can't even apologize.

I do appreciate the ones that are supporting me. But the ones that jumped the gun so quickly with no real facts, no thanks. If you had questions unanswered, why not pm me? or email me. I would have answered them.

As for the blind eye comment exactly my point. I can't turn a blind eye to the fact that I can't feed 3 large dogs and 2 cats or give them proper vet care. My therapist helped me see that when we went over the budget plan. She showed me I not only could not pay all the bills but I could not put any away on savings either.
Nicole

[Medusa]

ok got it. Since you guys didn't read the post properly and took it as my therapist ordering me to get rid of my pets and you all asuming I have not looked at all the alternatives then some how I should still keep all five pets as a singe parent on aish with a rent of 1450 and an in come of 1088 and other bills on top of that. You do the math. I have been working on this for months. Angonizing over it. Sometimes there are no choices but one. WOW it is amazing what people can assume about a proffesional domestic violence therapist and when they then realize they made a mistake when they reread the wording they can't even apologize.

I do appreciate the ones that are supporting me. But the ones that jumped the gun so quickly with no real facts, no thanks. If you had questions unanswered, why not pm me? or email me. I would have answered them.

As for the blind eye comment exactly my point. I can't turn a blind eye to the fact that I can't feed 3 large dogs and 2 cats or give them proper vet care. My therapist helped me see that when we went over the budget plan. She showed me I not only could not pay all the bills but I could not put any away on savings either.
Nicole

Nicole, this is a pet forum, after all, and people get emotional about animals. If you post about anything, no matter the subject, you can't reasonably expect everyone to agree w/you. That doesn't mean that people hate you or think you're an ogre. It simply means that they disagree w/your decision and since you put it out there for discussion, now you have differing points of view. Stop looking at this as a betrayal and see it for what it is, differences of opinion.

[jennielynn1970]

I agree with what Mary said.

Also I think this... You stated what was going on. You wanted friends to back you up.

Friends will tell you what they think. Friends will tell you if they feel maybe you should seek another alternative.

A friend doesn't just agree with everything you say.

I don't think anyone on here is out to get you or is not "friendly" or isn't looking at what your best interests may be.

They're looking at the situation, telling you what they would do, in that situation, in all honesty. They aren't say YOU have to do it. They're saying maybe you can do this... here is another option.

That, right there, is friendship.

[shepgirl]

I agree with what Mary said.

Also I think this... You stated what was going on. You wanted friends to back you up.

Friends will tell you what they think. Friends will tell you if they feel maybe you should seek another alternative.

A friend doesn't just agree with everything you say.

I don't think anyone on here is out to get you or is not "friendly" or isn't looking at what your best interests may be.

They're looking at the situation, telling you what they would do, in that situation, in all honesty. They aren't say YOU have to do it. They're saying maybe you can do this... here is another option.

That, right there, is friendship.

Very well said jenn.

Nicole you posted in August trying to find a foster home for Luca and you were told by friends that it would be better to rehome him then as older pets are harder to rehome. You got upset with that. 3 months later you are back looking for a home for him. You have to admit that you change your mind so often that it gets hard to follow the drama each time. You needed a home for Luca but went out and bought kittens..now the kittens are too much..etc etc. It's only been 3 mos since you were taking holidays, enjoying yourself and supposed to be moving to Canada, but you say you have been agonizing over the decision for months. It is very hard to know where you're at from one minute to the next.

I just said that as an animal lover and owner I feel my animals are as important as my kids and I would never give them up . Also you said all your therapists approved of the animals, now you say different. Isn't getting rid of the animals teaching kids that pets are a disposable item when the going gets rough?

[NicoleLJ]

Your so right Shep becuase you were there when he beat the living hell out of me in August. I had no idea before we moved that this would all happened. And by the way as you know I have always lived in Canada. You know everything about my life don't you because you don't hve one of your own.

You want to know what I have been doing all morning? hmmmm. My sweet and wonderful husband who was supose to be in jail till tuesday is now out today. He had the police pick up his stuff. First he wanted to come with them. NOT. SO I am dealing with just a TAD bit of stress.

If you love my life so much and know it so well then why don't you come live it for me because right now I am so at the end of my rope you have not idea,

[Husky_mom]

I´m sorry you are going through all of this... and I do get your point... it´s really hard having less ins than outs (of money/expenses)... and more hard to think that you still have to provide for all involved...

In my position i too would say I wouldn´t rehome.. but I just don´t know.. if I were in the same situation I would still consider... maybe not if I had a nice paying job and we struggled.... but it I were drowning that´s another story...

things add up, and not knowing all the facts can be hard to understand, because it might not be what you´d do (not directed to anyone specifically) but it it what she NEEDS to do... not what the wants or likes... she has come to the conclusion she needs this done otherwise as I get it she´ll get caught in an avalanche of problems, struggles for $, evolving in struggles for food and medical care (human and furry)...

I´m sorry it has come to this... and I know it´s pretty hard on you... and be sure I won´t make it harder on you... if you need me I´m all support... I don´t need to know all the facts or be there every sec on your life and i don´t have to agree with you 100% (life is not all pink) but I´m here for you.... hang in there.. a way will come...

[Medusa]

(life is not all pink)

I really like that. Simple and to the point. Care if I use it?

[shepgirl]

Your so right Shep becuase you were there when he beat the living hell out of me in August. I had no idea before we moved that this would all happened. And by the way as you know I have always lived in Canada. You know everything about my life don't you because you don't hve one of your own.

You want to know what I have been doing all morning? hmmmm. My sweet and wonderful husband who was supose to be in jail till tuesday is now out today. He had the police pick up his stuff. First he wanted to come with them. NOT. SO I am dealing with just a TAD bit of stress.

If you love my life so much and know it so well then why don't you come live it for me because right now I am so at the end of my rope you have not idea,

Absolutely right, I was not there. But you knew and had posted about trouble brewing and I just wondered why add kittens to the menagerie when you already couldn't keep Luca.
Yes, you lived in Canada but posted you were moving to Ontario. It is hard to keep up with the posts when things change so drastically every day. You also posted about a wonderful holiday in August. Hard to know what is going on right?
No one condemmed you for giving up the pets, some of us are just more committed and don't see it the same way. Everyone feels differently about their animals. I for one couldn't give any up and I would never bring more home unless my lifestyle permitted it. I also would never breed and add to the stress when advised it was the wrong decision. Lots of your friends tried to tell you this. As they tried to tell you to rehome Luca when you wanted a boarding home for him.
Our lives are all different and so are our decisions. Some can give up pets, some feel they are family is all I'm saying. And I never do impulse buying for that reason.
I also have friends who go through violent breakups so the animals are what keeps them sane.

[Catty1]

Okay, so if Nicole did make mistakes in getting the kittens, for whatever reason - does anyone here have friends near western Canada who might take them?

I've had to clean up after my own mistakes, and it sometimes means cutting my losses in order to move on. I disagree that there are people who "can give up their pets" and those who are committed. That is too black-and-white. There are many shades of grey in such a huge and heartbreaking decision.

When people have help to look at the mistakes, and find they HAVE to cut losses, not that they want to or are any less committed, they deserve help and support (which many here have given), and offers if possible.

[jennielynn1970]

No one said anything nasty about your therapist. Why would anyone have to apologize about her??

You posted, you got upset when opinions were stated, even when most were nice (I said most), and now you want more drama. Why??


That being said.....

I hope you find a good home for Luka, and for the kitties. I wish you all the luck with getting a place and hopefully landing back on your feet to care for your kids. I don't think anyone would wish you differently.

Just let it rest, unless you want the drama.

[NicoleLJ]

Shep girl Wrote "You're absolutely right Cataholic - no therapist, psychologist or counsellor would ever consider telling someone that. On the contrary, they would encourage you to keep their animals when they brought comfort and stability in someone's life. If I ever took this action I would be as sleepless as you for the rest of my life."

"But meanwhile, no one in a medical profession tells a patient this unless for physical ailments such as rashes , allergies, which a person would be smart enough to know if owning the first animal."



Jenn_Librarian wrote:
"I would never "get rid" of any of my animals based on a therapist or doctor recommendation. And it was recommended. Not happening. I've got a limited income at this point, but I'll deal. But, that being said, is my choice. My choice wouldn't necessarily be your choice or Nicole's choice, or anyone else's choice. Everyone's position is different."



As you have all since realized it was not recomemded. I came to the conclusion myself with the help of my therapist in several sesions. This is why I what an apology. Not drama. Why is asking for an apology for my friend and therapist, which is warrented, considered drama, yet the cruel things that shepgirl has stated all twisted by the way has not been. Interesting.

[jennielynn1970]

oh who cares what she said. if you don't like it, block her or don't read her stuff.

I said I made the decision for myself. My doctor (allergist) recommended me getting rid of the cats. My therapist said "go and volunteer some more"... I do that and I'll have more cats. SO.... you have to take things with a grain of salt. I decided to volunteer with the elderly. More than likely I can't adopt one of them and take them home with me, lol!

I didn't mean anything untoward about your therapist. You do what is right for you. You said you were making that decision for yourself.

I just don't get all the drama you want to keep bringing up.


and here I am feeding into it. Sigh.

[sparks19]

I'm sorry you are going through this NicoleJ

I'll tell ya what. if it came down to feeding my child and keeping a roof over her head or keeping the dogs... Beezer and Belle would be off to new homes. No one has to like it or agree but Hannah comes first... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS. Doesn't mean that I don't love Beezer and Belle but would it really be fair to them to be in a home that couldn't provide basic vet care let alone if an emergency happened or might not be able to feed them all day.

I would hope that never in my life will I have to make a decision like that... but I can say with all certainty that if it came down to it and I couldn't afford to feed my children and my dogs... the dogs would be gone. I love them but my loyalties HAVE to lie with my daughter.

ETA: I just read sumbirdy's post... and I couldn't agree more.

[Catty1]

Since Karen and Paul can't be everywhere at once, it is best to contact them by PM - or to click the little red-lined triangle with the red exclamation mark beside every post which enables you to report an inappropriate post.

[sumbirdy]

In my opinion, if a pet can no longer be cared for then that pet is better off rehomed, living somewhere where it CAN be cared for. Why, I wonder, would ANYONE choose to keep a pet if they were in this situation? It's selfish, all you would be doing is hurting your pet. I believe Nicole loves her pets so much that she's realized that they are better off with someone else.

I love my dogs so much and I wouldn't be able to look into their eyes knowing they were hungry, because I was selfish and chose to keep them despite not being able to afford it. Sure, I would try my best, but sometimes someone's best just isn't good enough, especially when you have 3 young children who come first. I'm sure this decision is heartbreaking for her, and that she's exhausted every other option, but this is the only one that will work.

So instead of bashing her and trying to tell her what her life is like and throwing her mistakes in her face at this difficult time (that one's mostly to you shepgirl) why not just say "I wouldn't do that, but I hope this is the best decision in your circumstances, so your pets will get the proper care they deserve."

Nicole, I know this is heartbreaking for you, you are doing all you can do. Maybe you can find a home where you can visit them often.