Just need to vent and cry

[Medusa]

A burden shared is a burden lightened. (((HUGS))) to you.

[lizbud]

I'm glad you decided to share this. Our family went through these same
problems as my Mom got older. Like you, it was my younger sister who did
the most checking in & visiting with her because she lived just a few minutes
away. It can get to be a very sad experience as we notice subtle changes
in behavior.

Finally, we had to all have a family meeting & made the decision that Mom should be
introduced to a "assisted living". We found a great place where she had
her own apartment & neighbors to visit when she wanted to be social.

[Catty1]

jazzcat - you can vent here anytime!

I know you and your family decided that your dad would live in his own home until the end, and that is fair.

But Lizbud brought up another point - would your dad be a bit happier living where he could meet people and get more social contact? OR - is there a seniors day program that could take him out every day, leaving the burden mostly to weekends?

At some point - not right now - you may want to look at what you and your siblings want versus what is best for your dad.

It's not easy, not at all. My mom is 75 going on 40 - but I still wonder if I will have to deal with anything like this, and when...

{{{hugs}}}

[kimlovescats]

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) Lori! I'm just now seeing this. E-mail me!

[mamaducky]

Wow -- I'm so sorry you're going through this with your Dad. It reminds me so much of how it was with my Grandpa as his dementia progressed -- when he was himself, he'd give the proverbial shirt off his back to anyone in need, but as things got worse, he was convinced that his caregiver (a beloved niece) was stealing from him. (The stuff she had supposedly "stolen" was pretty ludicrous -- a broken radio, corroded batteries...) Sometimes, when Grandpa would come back to himself a little bit, even he would laugh at how ridiculous some of his claims were -- but those times were the exception rather than the rule.

This has got to be heartbreaking and exhausting for you -- and though you never even drop so much as a hint in that direction, if it were me, I'd be feeling as though I were getting an unfair amount of the burden just because of my geographical location. (Like I said, you NEVER bring that up, Lord love you. )

I'm not going to offer you any advice, but I will be keeping you and your entire family in my prayers. You are an absolutely wonderful person for handling this situation with so much love and grace.

Big hugs,
Diana

[jazzcat]

Thanks for all the support everyone. It really does help. I'm feeling much better now. Dad seems to be better too, his thinking is more normal and he's not worked up.

Mamaducky - trust me, I'm not a saint about it. I often feel like I've been stuck with this because I'm the closest but then I tell myself I'm glad I can help.

I've been caring for my parents for most my adult life. They've needed my help since I moved back from Nashville in 1992 whne my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, then mom was diagnosed with breast cancer plus several other major surgeries and illnesses. It got very intense in 2003 when my mother suffered seven fractured vertebrae and died the next year. It's been non-stop since. Now at age 40 I feel like my career has been caring for my parents. I just wish I could have seen the future and majored in nursing in college instead of public relations -it would have been more useful.

[Catsnclay]

as you know, i too am facing the same problems as you. i too, thought it would be best to keep dad in his own home. wow was i ever wrong. please think about moving him closer to you, to a skilled facility. this was the best thing i did for my dAD, i even think he has improved a bit!

not only will it give you peace of mind, but your dad will be cared for by people who know what they are doing an he will get 3 meals a day.....you can't ask for any more.

pm me if you need to ask more questions. my father adjudted within 2 weeks and is now happier and healthier, even gained a few pounds
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sorry about the typeing - i had thumb surgery and am now a left-handed person for the next 7 weeks. trust me, this is not fun either... think about all the things i HAVE to do without my right hand

[Medusa]

It's interesting that you said that you feel your career has been taking care of your parents. When I was experiencing much the same thing, I felt the same way. And after my Dad died, I either would stay w/my Mom in PA for a month or so or I'd bring her to OH to stay w/me. I went back and forth to PA for 5 years. It was exhausting. If you think you can move your dad to a facility closer to you, it might be something to think about it. Of course, you alone know the big picture but it could mean a better quality of life for you both. You're a good daughter; never forget that and blessings, both expected and unexpected, will flow to you.