Best and Worst Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed: Worst things

[jackie]

70. "You're making me depressed as well..."

Sometimes this has to be said. I care more about my mental state then anyone elses.

[wantmorepets]

Catty1, there is a big difference between being depressed and suffering from depression.

Many people are depressed about thier lives, their jobs, their family status but these are based on situations where all those sayings might motivate them to change the cause of the depression.

Suffering from depression is a medical condition that can only be controlled thru medication, councelling and life changes.

I work with a person who is the product of incest, suffered severe child abuse as a kid, and has many other issues. She suffers from depression yet she leads a full happy productive life thanks to medication and professional councelling which taught her coping methods.

If you are suffering from depression, don't rely on forums but go see a professional (not a GP) about the situation.

[moosmom]

Catty1,

People who don't suffer from debilitating depression don't understand that it takes more than just "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps". I WISH it were that easy.

I suffer from severe depression, ADD, post traumatic stress disorder and am a recovering alcoholic. Most days are good. But then there are the days where I become a recluse. I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, be around anyone. People who don't understand it take offense. I try to tell them it is NOT their fault. All my friends know what I'm all about and will give me the time I need and still be there for me when my "bout" is over. I know that I can call and talk anytime. That's what friends are all about.

Yesterday I was in a real funk. I couldn't figure out why. The day was very gloomy and later on it poured buckets. I took a ride to the cemetery and sat at my parent's grave for 2 hours. Later on when I got home, it dawned on me that the anniversary of my Dad's passing is coming up (I found his body) and my brother is turning 60 on August 13th and I miss him terribly, as he now lives in North Carolina.

I advise people who have friends with depression and other debilitating diseases to be there for your friends WHEN THEY ASK YOU TO BE. Take the cue from them whether they want to talk, have company or just be left alone.

[cassiesmom]

People who don't suffer from debilitating depression don't understand that it takes more than just "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps". I WISH it were that easy.

Me, too! And I wish I had a nickel for every time I have heard this or a variation thereon - like "snap out of it", "just shake it off", "pull yourself together".

There are the days where I become a recluse. I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone, be around anyone.

Then I get "What's the problem with you" / "Where have you been? We were worried about you" / "Why are you avoiding me/us". Wish I had a nickel for those too!

[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]] to Moosmom

[CathyBogart]

Sometimes this has to be said. I care more about my mental state then anyone elses.

There are plenty of ways to look out for yourself without making someone else feel worse.

[CathyBogart]

I lost my health insurance recently and so haven't been able to get a refill on my medication. I'm trying to find a job, but the longer I go without and the longer I search for a job, the harder it gets. My depression isn't usually debilitating, but coupling it with unemployment is certainly driving it to that point.

Fortunately, my future hubby knows exactly what I need...knows when to back off and when to come and give me support. I'd have given up on the job hunt already without him.

[Karen]

A more helpful list would be the BEST - not Worst - things to say. Just a laundry list of what not to say might make one avoid mentioning it at all, not knowing what TO say.

[Catty1]

Karen - there is a BEST list, which I posted separately.

The original had both in one long list, with the best at the bottom!

I thought the Best would get more attention separately.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Most of those statements come from people that don't know what depression is like. No one can understand depression unless they've experienced it. Since the depression has complete control, it's pretty hard to expect any person to take those suggestions to heart and use them effectively.

After having so many health problems this year, I have been really down in the dumps. I don't think it was clinical depression but I don't know. One of the hardest things I have to cope with is seeing people doing normal every day things. While watching them, I knew I wasn't able to even walk on both legs. Who wants to watch people walk and run when they can't stand up?
During this year, I heard a few of those statements from some people and they cut like a knife.

I'm a firm believer in, "What goes around comes around". People saying those things could experience it themselves some day.

Thanks for posting that, Candace. I read the other list as well. I am happy to say that mostly what I heard came from the "Best" list.

[jennielynn1970]

91. "Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."

How many times has this one been said to me by my mother. Usually adding to it "You just need to exercise and lose weight. You'll feel much better then."


So helpful, so understanding. Sigh.


While fresh air, sun, exercise and losing weight will help, it's not going to "cure" my depression. And bringing it up every week doesn't help either.