Quote Originally Posted by jenn_librarian
I'd also be careful that the one who is causing the physical harm doesn't decide to press charges against you or Grant if something would happen to her in the house. You never know what goes on in people's minds, and how they might decide to lash out to get back at someone they consider a threat to them (however inaccurate it might be).

Make sure that you can prove that you have done nothing to harm her, because the last thing you want is for her to file a PFA and have YOU kicked out of your own house.

I'd be calling the cops when she acts up and endangers others. That's the only way to get documentation that she is the one with the problem, whether it's anger management or what ever, but she needs to know that there are boundaries.

Can you set up cams that can't be seen so that if there is a confrontation it can be documented??
Jenn has hit the nail on the head. Hubby is TERRIFIED she'll say she was acting out in self defense. She's a champion liar. She DID have a bloody nose at the time.... from her brother who pushed her out of the way to protect his other sister (and 10 seconds later, she pushed him back and gave him a concussion -- he's 21). Hubby swears she'd tell the cops HE did it to her. Mind you, we'd have me and the other two "kids" as witnesses to what actually happened. Even if she pressed unsubstanciated charges, he'd lose his job as a teacher in a heartbeat.

I AM prepared to call the cops the next time she tries to get violent.
1) I won't retaliate at all. I will simply calmly call 911. Let the marks be on me and none on her.
2) Hubby has already agreed that if it happens again to call the cops. He wont make a move to protect me either. Just pick up the phone. The one time she hit me, He dove in between us and pushed her to the floor. I don't believe she got any mark on her that time, I didn't but boy did my eye hurt (ow!) and my poor eyeglasses were misshapen (and they STILL aren't bent back properly)

She and I already got into it tonight. I've kept my mouth shut too long. Damn it felt good to tell her off. I didn't even say 1/100th of what is on my mind, but now she's walking around like a martyr. I tried arguing with her. I tried reasoning with her. I tried not saying a word to her. No matter what I do, it doesn't get through. No matter what I do.... I haven't said one word to her in months, yet she still insists all I do is yell at her and tell her how wrong she does everything (pretty amazing for someone who has basically been a ghost to her) So now I'm back to yelling just because it gets hubby's notice. If he won't do anything I can at least tell her to grow up at opportune moments... tonight's fight was when she did something stupid & selfish, her brother made a joke about it, she told him to shut up in a few colorful ways. I told her to drop the attitude. It escallated from there to her basically screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.... and stamping her feet and plugging her ears while going lalalalalalala I can't hear you (like a 5 year old would)

As for Cameras documenting... oh you have no idea how close to filming her violence on Christmas day when she went wild. It was OBVIOUS she was out of control while the rest of us were trying to stop her from hurting others and herself. I just couldn't protect Cam AND get the camera at the same time. Cam was priority #1.

As for leaving..... you have no idea how much I've thought about it lately. I am miserable in my home. Hubby's miserable. we're both miserable together (but not with each other). Yet I can't imagine life without him. He's my best friend and my sounding board. Leaving is totally not an option. I can't leave someone whom I am completely in love with. I just wish his daughter wasn't here. I just repeat a mantra every day where I tell myself SOME DAY she'll leave and someday we'll have peace of just being together without her.

I also know from past hurt in relationships that if I chose to make a drastic statement of leaving, he'd say "fine, go". He will be thinking that if I choose to give up and leave, then I'm free to go. He won't force me to stay somewhere I'm not willing to work on a relationship. I'm the same way. I NEVER took back an old boyfriend after they told me they wanted/needed to see other people... if they didn't want me then, why would they want me later?

I am CERTAIN things will blow to a head again someday soon. Its been building for a few days. Hubby got into it last night. I got into things tonight. I think its a matter of time before she decides to push the issue to where there's no going back. I for one am counting the minutes because I can't continue living like this. As mean as it sounds, I WANT her to go wild again so that I can call the cops and get the ball rolling. Once its in the cops hands, its out of mine and nobody can get out of making things happen. Nobody can go back to pretending nothing is wrong. The courts will make sure she gets the help she desperately needs.