Firstly let me say my heart goes out to you kim, i really feel for you in this difficult situation, you have been given some very sound advice, all i can say is i would also be hesitant involving the police, i have seen it here in different families, and it has not been the best of choices, i agree with Medusa on that one, it is a complete different ball game once they are involved.

I really think you need a professional counsellor to talk with about this problem, i agree your hubby has to get a backbone and take control here, but it is apparent he is not going to do that, i think you would be best to remove yourself from the situation if at all possible, perhaps you might need to give hubby an ultimatium.

Obviously there is a lot more going on than you want to tell us, so it really does sound very out of control, dysfunctional,and something has to be done and soon by the sounds of it,please talk to someone about it that really can help and in the meantime, take care of yourself won't you HUGS.