Maresche you made a very good point and i have to agree,. my son has never wanted to look up his biological father,i was both parents for over ten years and then my husband took over the role of dad, and has been ever since, as far as he is concerned he was the one who helped looked after him when he was sick,fed and clothed him, read him bedtime stories, scolded him when needed,et etc, that is what makes a real father for sure.

The only point i would raise is that no matter what ,they do feel abandoned by the other parent, no matter what the reasons maybe and that if they ever see that parent they feel they are owed something by them,it might even be financial, well that is what the counsellors tell me anyhow, and i tend to believe that.,but that is merely my opinion, and in my son's case is how he feels, each child is different i suppose.

You may indeed choose for your child's father to be in their life, if and when he cleans up his act and becomes responsible,until then i think you are making the right choices and your new partner sounds terrific, i hope it really does turn into a long time commitment if that is what you are seeking.