Need some "legal" advice.....

[Alysser]

Sorry but I totally disagree with you. How long have you been a mom? Two years, maybe three. I have been a mom for 29 years, I have three kids. I was also a single mom for a while. Unless you are making $40.000 a year or more life is very difficult. It's nice if you can afford diapers, and braces, shoes, car insurance, electric, water, rent, car repairs and a million other things. But what if you can't? Does this young girl have a college education, does she make $40.000 a year, have a safe car, a nice place to live, a good job, health benefits, money saved in the bank? If you don't you will find yourself broke and very sorry in several years. When they turn off your water and the kid has a cold but you can't get to the store because your car is broke and you simply can't take another day of work or be fired. That's life. Not some cozy pink fairy tale. Giving the baby up for adoption to a loving family who is able to afford to give this child a safe car to ride in, good medical coverage, a warm safe home and a mom that can stay home is so unselfish and brave. That is a loving deed, keeping a child because it's "my baby my baby my baby is acting like a two year old who doesn't want to share her Barbie.

This is your idea of a loving home? A home is somewhere where you get love, support, comfort, etc. If she can support the baby, then she can, it doesn't have to be the most fancy stuff and it doesn't have to ALWAYS involve money. Sure that is a huge factor, but I know plenty of examples of people who aren't the richest and they are always the most happy in the end. Just because you can't always provide the best, it doesn't make you a bad parents. I can't believe adoption was even suggested...


By the way, do you think every single mother or middle class-lower class family should put their kids up for adoption? If we all lived by your standards no one would have kids.

[sparks19]

[QUOTE=Maltese_Love]


By the way, do you think every single mother or middle class-lower class family should put their kids up for adoption? If we all lived by your standards no one would have kids.[/QUOTE]

Nor would half of the families looking to adopt. Many people looking to adopt live very modest exsistences. So by those standards they would not qualify to have those children.

[carole]

Maresche you made a very good point and i have to agree,. my son has never wanted to look up his biological father,i was both parents for over ten years and then my husband took over the role of dad, and has been ever since, as far as he is concerned he was the one who helped looked after him when he was sick,fed and clothed him, read him bedtime stories, scolded him when needed,et etc, that is what makes a real father for sure.

The only point i would raise is that no matter what ,they do feel abandoned by the other parent, no matter what the reasons maybe and that if they ever see that parent they feel they are owed something by them,it might even be financial, well that is what the counsellors tell me anyhow, and i tend to believe that.,but that is merely my opinion, and in my son's case is how he feels, each child is different i suppose.

You may indeed choose for your child's father to be in their life, if and when he cleans up his act and becomes responsible,until then i think you are making the right choices and your new partner sounds terrific, i hope it really does turn into a long time commitment if that is what you are seeking.

[Marigold2]

Seems like I am under attack here for my opinion.

First off I never said anyone needed a luxury car, I said a SAFE car. Every child deserves a safe car to ride in.
Every child deserves a clean and safe home without gun fire, drug dealers and crime outside their front door.
Every child deserves to be able to go outside and play without mom worried about them being shot, raped or beaten.
Every child deserves good meals.
Every child deserves good medical care. Braces are not a luxury they are a necessity often for the good health and growth of the mouth, teeth and gums.
It goes without saying that every child deserves love, understanding, compassion and laughter. That's why I didn't mention it. I didn't think I needed to state the incredibly obvious, just the merely obvious.

The reason I brought up adoption is because I think it is a wonderful, unselfish, and very brave thing to do. The baby is in a good home, the adoptive couple gets to love a child they want ever so much and might not ever be able to have, and a young woman can go on with her life.
Adoption is not an ugly word.

Not every 15 year old has a supportive family that will help her to raise her child. Many a 15 year got this way because they were neglected, abused, or just in the way, many a 15 year old is being brought up by a drug addicted parent. I have heard these girls say when asked, "why do you want a baby at 13,14 15 and their reply was " I want someone to love me". They just want someone to love them and no one does. They are crying out for love themselves and for them to try and be a parent is horrible for all involved. They have no decent role models, no support, no help, no education or money and sadly most have no hope. Adoption is a blessing in these cases.

No you don't need money to be happy. But it helps. No parent wants to lay awake at night and worry how they are going to pay for food, water, rent and shoes. No decent parent wants to raise their child in provety. Love only goes so far when you are standing out in the street corner in the freezing rain with no where to go and a two year old on your arm.

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

And no I am not angry or bitter. I am just surprised that more of you would rather see a child starve in the projects then be adopted.

[sparks19]

Marigold..... why is it you think the poster is living in poverty and is just some 15 year old looking for someone to love them?

if you don't.... then I fail to see how your point is relevant. I just think it is silly that you mention adoption just because she is having issues with the father. Sure my mom may have chosen a different path for herself.... but I think if she went back and the same thing happened.... I doubt she would give me or my brother up just because it was hard for a while. And NO braces are not a nessecity. I had braces.... were my teeth healthy other than being crooked? yes they were.... was I able to eat, talk and function? yes I was.

If you could go back in time would you give your children up for adoption instead of having the wonderful children you have today?

[Twisterdog]

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

And no I am not angry or bitter. I am just surprised that more of you would rather see a child starve in the projects then be adopted.

You cannot be serious. I know MANY women ... my friends, relatives, customers ... who are most definately not only glad, but blessed, elated and overjoyed every day of their lives that they got "knocked up" at fifteen, sixteen, twenty, whatever. Because that is their CHILD. I am absolutely 100% glad to have been "knocked up" at twenty-two, as a single parent. My son is without a doubt the most wonderful thing to ever happen in my life. My best friend, who was "knocked up" at sixteen would tell you her beautiful daughter was the best thing that ever happened to her.

And as a single mom for fifteen years I can tell you without a single doubt that NO, I would NOT do anything differently. You are so "sure" of what every single mother would say, are you? You are very, very wrong. How do you presume to speak for an entire segment of the population?

I'm quite sure, of the millions of babies born to single parents, that actually a very tiny percentage of them are actually "starving in the ghetto." That's a bit dramatic, eh? I highly doubt racing_gurl07's baby is going to be starving in a ghetto.

[catnapper]

Oh my Marigold, you say you're not bitter but you sure sound it!

My mom will sing to the heavens that she was thrilled to be knocked up at 19. Her children are what makes her life worthwhile and complete. Are you going to say my mom is missing out on something greater because of that? Are you suggesting I am a lacking person because we didn't always have 3-course meals growing up? Or that we had a true clunker of a car? Or that we were just seconds from the city with its gangs and drugs? I played outside. I thought it was SO COOL to get free food with our food stamps... I had no idea it was something to be ashamed of. I remember my childhood as being perfect. It was far from perfect but mom and grandmom made me feel so safe and loved that I never noticed the imperfections outside my front door.

If my mom stayed with my father, we would have had a "wealthy" life. Instead she packed her bags and returned home with my grandmom and all 4 of us lived together helping each other out, much like I'm not doing for my own daughter. Is it hard? you bet! Is it worth it? A million times over. That little boy is such a pleasure and joy I can't describe it. and I am determined to show him the same level of love and acceptance I had. He doesn't need to know we have gangs a block away. We'll hide all the unpleasantries from him and make sure he only knows what love is and how safe he feels inside our family.

My husband teaches in an inner city school. Most of them are 10 times poorer than we are, yet they all are beautifully cared for. They all get better food than my kids do because of free lunches and food stamps. They all get better healthcare (including those precious braces!) because they are all on state health insurance. Finances don't determine whether you're fit to be a parent.... if family can't step up to help raise a child, then the state will. There's no sin in accepting help.

I feel sorry for the women who think its some perverse form of pride to refuse help. Thats what its there for! Whether the help comes from a family member, friend, the father, or state aid, its help and a child needs it. The only sin of accepting help is to become complacent and not move forward to better your situation for yourself and your child. Its not impossible to go to school, work, and raise a child all at the same time. Its HARD and stressful, but the payoff in a few years will blow your mind.

[lizbud]

Not every 15 year old has a supportive family that will help her to raise her child. Many a 15 year got this way because they were neglected, abused, or just in the way, many a 15 year old is being brought up by a drug addicted parent. I have heard these girls say when asked, "why do you want a baby at 13,14 15 and their reply was " I want someone to love me". They just want someone to love them and no one does. They are crying out for love themselves and for them to try and be a parent is horrible for all involved. They have no decent role models, no support, no help, no education or money and sadly most have no hope. Adoption is a blessing in these cases.

No you don't need money to be happy. But it helps. No parent wants to lay awake at night and worry how they are going to pay for food, water, rent and shoes. No decent parent wants to raise their child in provety. Love only goes so far when you are standing out in the street corner in the freezing rain with no where to go and a two year old on your arm.

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

Although I've never faced trying to raise a child alone, I do see the
sense in what you are saying. For what it's worth, I agree with you.

[Cataholic]

Let me ask myself your question- Self, would you do anything differently?

Self answers, nope. He is my pride and joy, and I can say my only regret is not doing it sooner. I would have known the happiness alot earlier that way.

You cannot know every single woman's heart.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

First off I never said anyone needed a luxury car, I said a SAFE car. Every child deserves a safe car to ride in.
Every child deserves a clean and safe home without gun fire, drug dealers and crime outside their front door.
Every child deserves to be able to go outside and play without mom worried about them being shot, raped or beaten.
Every child deserves good meals.
Every child deserves good medical care. Braces are not a luxury they are a necessity often for the good health and growth of the mouth, teeth and gums.
It goes without saying that every child deserves love, understanding, compassion and laughter. That's why I didn't mention it. I didn't think I needed to state the incredibly obvious, just the merely obvious.

The reason I brought up adoption is because I think it is a wonderful, unselfish, and very brave thing to do. The baby is in a good home, the adoptive couple gets to love a child they want ever so much and might not ever be able to have, and a young woman can go on with her life.
Adoption is not an ugly word.

Yes, children should have these things. But, assuming that someone (who you have never met) will be unable to provide these things is incredibly arrogant. I find it amazing that you are so willing to hand out judgment and suggest a life-altering course to someone you will most likely never meet.

[Hellow]

I need to vent, sorry in advance.

But I AM being raised about 5min away from a city, I eat chicken and potatoes for dinner, I need braces, i am trying to work to make mony to pay off a two month old vet bill, my dad has to pay for $100 for meds for my mom's seizures. I live in a small trashy house. My dad makes $10 an hour working at a car lot. My family rides in a old trashy Aerostar that could fail at any time. My computer is trash, i am on my bosses computer. I may not have the best stuff, but at least its stuff. And is my family giving up? HELL NO! As long as im livin and my family is livin, nothings wrong.

Sorry everyone, but i had to vent before i shouted it out loud.