My mother's brothers called her the cotznmudda... and when I was born I took over the title. My first heart-sister cat was Sooty... she was born when I was 4 and died the summer I had to leave for college. If she had not had a stroke I don't think I could have left her... As it was both she and my grandma lwft me before I had to leave them...

There have been many cats in my life. Some only brief cameo appearances, rescues and passing strangers...some heart-friends and companions of 20+ years. They have lasted longer than human family or lovers. I look in the eyes of these beloved creatures and know we live on a different time-scale in some ways, but in others...Who ever has more than NOW? and cats are experts at being in the moment. Sometimes my Belladonna looks at me and I seem to see Sooty lookng back at me... Or Ambrose touches my tears because my human always-significant-sometimes-other is lashing out about her old issues yet again...and it is my beloved Bunny reminding me that love does end. Of course the new ones are themselves and loved for themselves, but somehow in our NOW there is a big piece of always too.

I'm 47 and these are probably the last young tribe I will ever have because I too worry about those that will outlive me. My woodwork is clawed, my furniture is furry and I have to keep a pet-roller in my desk. My vet teases me because I refer to his associates as baby-vets, and yet he trusts me with the care of things that usually require hospitalization.

I am cotzmudda---catmother--- and there is no such thing as loving too much as long as you keep your heart and your hands open.