Sweetie I think he lost all rights, the day he chose to walk out on you and your mother and not continue to participate in your life regularly.

I think you should politely tell him this, as everyone else has said, it is your special day, don't let him ruin it for you.

I can still see how this upsets you, but by no means let him make you feel bad about yourself, a failure, never, look at what you have achieved in your life, and Don't ever think that way, he sounds like he is using emotional blackmail, to get what he wants and to save face, he really does not deserve this honour, you will have to be strong sweetie and tell him so.

HUGS and know you are a very worthwhile person, nothing he can say or do can change that about you.