I just got off the phone with my father and he is telling me I can't have my step-father and mom walk down the aisle with us. He said that is HIS right and HIS alone. Now to give you a little background my father pretty much walked out on our family when I was one. He had been repeatedly cheating on my mother and refused to stop so she had no choice but to divorce him. He took bets right on the base courthouse steps that she wouldn't go through with it. Anyways my father visited sporadically until I was eight and then stopped. I didn't see him again until I was about 15 and I blamed it on him being in the Marines, but he retired when I was 14. Then I did not see him again until I was 19 and in my last year of school. He doesn't have much to do with my life and only participates in it when he looks good.

When I told him that I was getting married he didn't even congratulate us. He just looked at me and said, "Great if this one goes through that means more money for me to spend." That hurt me very badly that he rubbed the fact I was engaged three times before. He is a very selfish man and I feel he is even lucky he is participating in this wedding. Everytime he talks to me he makes me feel like I'm such a failure. I'm the only one of his children who hasn't made him a grandfather yet. I wanted to finish school first, get married and be married a couple of years before I had kids. His response to that is, "Well you're not getting any younger." I just don't know what to do.

I'm feeling worthless now because I can't even get the love and appreciation of the one man who it is suppose to pour from. I guess I'm just a big fat failure.