Your friend phoned at 6 AM - that strikes me as excessively early. She "forgot" all your efforts around this person's trial?. She "missed" your phone messages. She points out that other friends sent cards and brought food.

You're not a bad person at all. I'm going to disagree with everyone who has already posted and say you're done with this relationship (I'm having a hard time referring to it as a friendship) for now. Someone who is truly your friend wouldn't awaken you at 6 AM to rant about actions she perceives that you haven't taken (such as sending enough cards, phoning often to express condolences, and delivering food). I say you're done until she works through her grief, and she's the one who owes you the apology. Spend the baby-sitting money on YOU!

HUGS,
elyse