Quote Originally Posted by Cataholic
As for the child needing to know his/her parents..that is one I simply cannot buy. A child adopted, doesn't know his 'parents'. A child who loses a parent to death doesn't know his parent. A child whose parents divorce and one moves away might not know his parent. How come it is only the woman that says "I don't want the baby's father in our lives" that hears the importance of the "a child must know his parents"?
Adopted children often have emotional issues BECAUSE they were adopted. It does not mean they didn't have a good life, and I never said this child wouldn't have a good life, but I still beleive that it is still important, when it is possible, for the child to at least know their parents. Many adopted children, many, look for their birth parents when they ar older.

If a child loses a parent to death, that is not something that can be helped, but you darn bet it causes all sorts of emotional trauma.

If parents divorce, and one parent disappears, you bet it causes emotional trauma and issues as the kids get older, especially once they enter school.

I would never tell "only someone who wants the baby's father gone" that a child ought to know who its parents are. I would say that for anyone, that ONLY whenever possible, that child know who its parents are, and if possible have some sort of relationship with said parent, as long as the parent is responsible enough to see that child. I don't lay it only on the "one stuck holding the baby". Not at all. But in her very first post she said she just wanted him not to be involved at all. That has since changed in her later posts, she did say she wanted him to be involved IF he could be sober and straighten out, and I agree with that 100%. I wouldn't want my child around a drunk person either. But that isn't what she said at first and I was only responding to the original post because she hadn't stated that she did want him to be involved if he straightened up when I posted.

I stand by my opinion, which is all it is, that a child does need to know who both of its parents are, and if possible have a relationship with both parents, becuse it does leave a big hole as that child grows up and becomes an adult. If it works out for many that they don't need that, then that's great, and I am very happy for all involved, but personally and with many I know, some of the greatest mental insecurities and issues we face as adults stem from parental relationships and lack thereof.

I also never said children don't have emotional issues even if they know and have relationships with both parents, but that isn't really relevant, because I was only speaking about the emotional issues that arise from not knowing them. Things like this are always on a case to case basis, you have to take everything into account. Sometimes it is not in the best interest of the child to know a parent, but people do change so I didn't want her to just dismiss him completely and close the door on the possibility of him being in the child's life in the future.



Racing-gurl, I sincerely hope that after your baby is born he straigthens up and stops being a jerk so he can be involved in your child's life. If he doesn't, and continues to be the way he is now, then I don't blame you for not wanting him around. Just don't close the door completely on the possibility that some day your child might want to find him, and maybe someday he will grow up out of what he is doing now and actually be able to be a father. I do hope it all works out for the best.