Scott - I'm sitting here in floods of tears after reading your post. I understand the kind of pain you are in because I've lost a few very, very special cats too. But, most of all, I could imagine walking into Nougat's room a few weeks ago and finding her the way you found Scooter. It's a very chilling thought. She had the radioactive iodine treatment also, and I released her only a week ago from her isolation. It was so hard, being with her for such short periods, and I couldn't wait for the day when she could curl up over my neck at night again. You both went through this separation so that you would have years more with her, and instead she died suddenly and alone. I can imagine your anguish and I'm truly sorry for you.

Scooter was a very lucky cat to have you to adore her for years. I hope you have lots of photos. Put one in your car and dot them around the house. It hurts, but in some way it keeps her with you. If she had a special toy, put it in your pocket so you can carry it with you. No-one will know. You have found some release for your shock and grief in writing here, and perhaps writing about her will help you.

If you want to remember Scooter in a way that will help other cats whose owners are struggling to give them the medical care they need, you could donate to IMOM in her memory. Their web address is http://www.imom.org/