Story teller game

[GrandChester]

........and a bunch of your mates tried to fish a tequilla worm out of a bottle of cheap imported Mexican plonk. Tell us about it Wombat"

"Well gang, I'll tell ya'all.' Said Wombat 'There we were, me, me mate Bruce, and some sheila by the name of Pinabullana (yeah folks, she was Aboriginal), sitting in the pub one day. The sheila made a bet with me and Bruce that she could get the worm out of the bottle quicker than we could. Me and me mate Bruce tried and tried to remove the worm from that bottle of evil elixer, but to no avail.
We tried everything, even Fong Whoflungdung (the Chinese cook) gave us a lend of his own chopsticks....but no....every time we had that little sucker cornered, he would escape. After about two hours of this, the sheila had had enough, and said it was her turn. Before we could bat an eyelid, the sheila grabbed the bottle, and smashed it over her own head, and in one swift move she caught the worm between her teeth and gulped it straight down."
Me and Bruce sat their flabbergasted. I said to her 'how did you do that?' The sheila replied 'Well for a starters, I never sat there and picked my nose like you and your mate did for tha last two hours, and I have won the bet, so pay up.' Just then, much to me and Bruce's amazement, the sheila starts to sway and stumble around the pub, and all of a sudden she fell flat on her face out the door. 'I'll be buggered' Bruce said. 'Crikey' I said. And then a bunch of Aboriginal guys all dressed up in kangarro skins and feathers arrived (I think they were witchdoctors) and they carried her away. That's when I said to me mate Bruce 'Bruce, you can put the cigarettes away now, looks like we won't have to give her that smoke she won.' And that's the end of the story folks."

"Wom' Said Bill. 'That story is great, tell us another one"

"Ok' Said Wom 'but first we should listen to a story from Grand Chester"

"Oh I've got a great story' Said Grand Chester 'Once upon a time..........

Sitting Bull

"What a WOMAN"! said GrandChester. "You shoulda married that sheila, Wom!

"I got one for ya Wom"! replies GrandChester "Back in the 50's a group of us were visiting indian reservations out in the Dakotas.

"You had a reservation at an Indian reservation"? asks Bonny

"No Bonny...pay attention!

"Anyway we were all juiced up on firewater and decided we would exhume the remains of Sitting Bull." BIG MISTAKE. We all spent the night in the county jail. Next day we had to go to Little Bighorn Battlefield and pull weeds for days as a part of our punishment. My back still aint right from it.

"How 'bout you Koko?

Royal Albert Hall

[cassiesmom]

Elyse suddenly interrupts, "I've been to a concert at Royal Albert Hall! It was a beautiful place."

"Shut up Elyse, and let GrandChester finish."


Westminster Abbey

[wombat2u2004]

Elyse suddenly interrupts, "I've been to a concert at Royal Albert Hall! It was a beautiful place."

"Shut up Elyse, and let GrandChester finish."

"Yeah, shut yer trap Elyse, and wait ya turn' Said Wom 'You can tell us all about Westminster Abbey and that Stoney Hengy thingy over in Pommyland after Grand Chester tells us all the next story that was promised us.

Wild Wicked Weekend

[GrandChester]

"Yeah, shut yer trap Elyse, and wait ya turn' Said Wom 'You can tell us all about Westminster Abbey and that Stoney Hengy thingy over in Pommyland after Grand Chester tells us all the next story that was promised us.

Wild Wicked Weekend

Ok here ya go, Wom" smiled GrandChester.

"Back in the sixties.. 1969 to be exact. I dated John Fogerty. I accompanied him to Max Yasgurs farm where he joined in a rock & roll band we camped out on the land and got our souls free".

"Well, as the flower children started to arrive it was getting a little crazy with all the wacky-tobaccy filling the air. Poor cows were feeling the effects and not producing much milk for ole Mr. Yasgur.

"Anyway, John and a group of close friends found White Lake on ole man Yasgurs farm. It was hot & we all stunk to high heaven. We grabbed a couple bars of soap and jumped in. Well we all frollicked around the lake and had a swell time. I got a new nickname as soon as I disrobed...GrandChest(er). " The darndest thing was unbeknownst to us... ole man Yasgur had stocked that lake with piranha...YES, I SAID PIRANAH...Bonny!!

"Talk about a Wild Wicked Weekend! Poor John lost his left big toe to one of them fiesty fish and I nearly lost the rights to my new nickname! Well, we all got outta that water faster than a fox in a fire! We got Johns toe sewn on by some hippy dude named Jerry Garcia".

Elsie The Cow

[wombat2u2004]

Ok here ya go, Wom" smiled GrandChester.

"Back in the sixties.. 1969 to be exact. I dated John Fogerty. I accompanied him to Max Yasgurs farm where he joined in a rock & roll band we camped out on the land and got our souls free".

"Well, as the flower children started to arrive it was getting a little crazy with all the wacky-tobaccy filling the air. Poor cows were feeling the effects and not producing much milk for ole Mr. Yasgur.

"Anyway, John and a group of close friends found White Lake on ole man Yasgurs farm. It was hot & we all stunk to high heaven. We grabbed a couple bars of soap and jumped in. Well we all frollicked around the lake and had a swell time. I got a new nickname as soon as I disrobed...GrandChest(er). " The darndest thing was unbeknownst to us... ole man Yasgur had stocked that lake with piranha...YES, I SAID PIRANAH...Bonny!!

"Talk about a Wild Wicked Weekend! Poor John lost his left big toe to one of them fiesty fish and I nearly lost the rights to my new nickname! Well, we all got outta that water faster than a fox in a fire! We got Johns toe sewn on by some hippy dude named Jerry Garcia".

"Hmmmm...interesting !!' Said Wom 'So he lost his big toe and then it was sewn back on ? Good stuff. What I heard was that poor John had something else bitten off in that lake. And that before that event his name was John Fogelhorn, and that when they sewd it back on they sewd it upside down, and evertime he goes to a urinal he pees in his eye. But, must have been a rumour is all."

"Gee' Said Bonny 'I just don't know what I would do if every time I peed I'd have to put a pair of safety glasses on. Anyway, let me tell you all about Elsie The Cow."

"I peed in my mates eyes once" Said Wom.

"Shut UP Wom !!!' Said Elyse "It's Bonny's turn"

Elsie the Cow and Herbert the Bull

[Bonny]

Pasture romances are on the rise.

Herbert the Bull is an X-RC Rodeo bucking bull was put out to pasture. Elsie The Cow a registered Pathfinder Black Angus just happens to be in the pasture next door.

It all started one clear full moon lite night. Herbert was grazing along the pasture line fence. Elsie was batting her long eyelashes at Herbert. He suddenly snapped into action plowing his head through the dirt, pawing the ground along with deep romantic bellowing.

Elsie took an instant notice of him. What a hunka bunka heart throb she thought.

Being a high jumper during his career Herbert cleared the 6' line fence in style. No one not even farmer Browne was the wiser about the budding romance.

Nine months later an ugly brindle bull calf named Gomer was born. Farmer Browne scratches his bald head . . . . .

by garsh by golly

[GrandChester]

"By garsh by golly.. SchaZAMM its a little Gomer Pyle! "Wait till the misses sees you. "Shes gonna have a cow herself, when she sees the likeness of you and Gomer"! Ole farmer brown leads lil Gomer over to the farm house where the misses is canning her famous pickled Tequilla worms.


Floyd the barber

[cassiesmom]

Ole farmer brown leads lil Gomer over to the farm house where the misses is canning her famous pickled Tequilla worms.

The missus turns from her canning, takes one look at Farmer Brown and shouts, "What have you done? You went and saw Floyd the Barber, didn't you. And you let him give you such a bad haircut that you had to shave your head afterward. My word."

"Just gimme one a them tequila worms," answers Farmer Brown. "It'll grow back soon enough."

permanent wave

[wombat2u2004]

The missus turns from her canning, takes one look at Farmer Brown and shouts, "What have you done? You went and saw Floyd the Barber, didn't you. And you let him give you such a bad haircut that you had to shave your head afterward. My word."

"Just gimme one a them tequila worms," answers Farmer Brown. "It'll grow back soon enough."

"Well all,' Said Wom 'I know exactly who Bonny is referring to here when she mentions farmer Browne. It's me !!!! Yes, and even Elyse has misspelt it as usual !!!! It has an EEEEEE on the end Elyse. How on earth am I EVER to educate you lot ???? Anyway, I had better finish the story about the tequila worms, seeing that you lot are doing a lot of guess work here. The true story goes thus......"
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "Have you finished canning those tequila worms yet o light of my life?"
The missus aka o light of my life: "Not yet....why ??"
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "Well I gotta another tequila worm for ya...hee hee"
The missus aka o light of my life: "Yeah? That time of the decade again is it ??
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "Hey woman!! I can't help it if my tequila worm sleeps a lot."
The missus aka o light of my life: "Yeah well now I know the reason why those couple of hundred ex wives of yours gave you the permanent wave....GOODBYE"
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "That's it !!!! From now on I'm going to knickname you GrandChesterless"
The missus aka o light of my life: "What the....??? Just because I haven't grown in the right places, you're holding that against me ??"
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "That's more than what you got to hold against me."
The missus aka o light of my life: Righto matey....no bloody dinner for you tonight !!!!"
Farmer Browne aka Wom: "Bummer"

"And that my friends is a true story. It was the day I missed out on my dinner.
I can honestly say, that in all of the annals of human suffering, nobody suffered more than what I did on that day. Now Bill, you have to tell us that story of yours."

Bills Airplane runs out of gas

[kokopup]

Wom

And that my friends is a true story. It was the day I missed out on my dinner.
I can honestly say, that in all of the annals of human suffering, nobody suffered more than what I did on that day. Now Bill, you have to tell us that story of yours." Bills Airplane runs out of gas

Well I can't tell a story that Bills Airplane runs out of gas because I never flew during a time where fuel was an issue.

Bill says "I did have a situation that was almost as bad. During preparation for takeoff a walk around is required to verify that certain maintenance task are preformed so the plane is ready for flight. One of these task is check the oil sump to verify that the oil sump service entrance is closed and ready for flight. Under a small flap is one of the oil sumps for the plane. This flap is closed and considered clear if the two kerklock are closed. Under this flap is a cap much like a gas cap under the flaps of todays cars. The difference is a red flag attached to the plane that stands up erect until the cap is replaced and turned to a closed position. Once the cap is correctly turned and locked then the little red flag is down allowing that outside flap to be locked closed with the zerk keys . In normal operating mode the flap can not be closed until the
internal cap is closed an the red flag is down. Once the red flag is down,then
the outside door flap can be closed and locked. During my walk around the
sump door was closed and locked.

Carrier takeoff and landings are difficult under normal conditions. Today we had a very normal takeoff and it appeared at first that the flight would go well.

Within minutes of launch without warning our starboard engine lost oil pressure and shut down. Flying a twin engine plane is usually a boring uneventful routine, but flying a twin engine plane with just one engine is far from boring. Now the problem gets compounded because , now this single engine twin has to be landed back on the carrier. Landings calls for a plane to approach level, but with one engine not turning level flight is not possible no matter how much the plane is trimmed. Carrier landing for prop planes is different from jet in that you cut engines at an exact time and glide onto the deck catching one of the arresting cables that bring you to a stop. In our case we will be touching down with one wheel far before the other hits. What happens if the plane catches a cable before both Engine nacelle wheels are on the ground. All of these thoughts were running through my head.

Moment of truth arrived and passed we were back on deck without all the imagined bad end. It was determined that a new man on the oil crew, had bent the flag down over the cap because he was unable to get the cap on right. Rather than ask he just bent the flag so he could close the outer door on and kerk lock them.

The minute the plane took off venturi effect from air flow over the wing sucked the oil sump dry in just 15 minutes. Lucky for the engine it had an auto shutdown if there is no oil pressure." I am thankful he didn't do the bend flag trick on both engines.


Wom your most Embarrassed moment

[wombat2u2004]

Wom
Well I can't tell a story that Bills Airplane runs out of gas because I never flew during a time where fuel was an issue.

Bill says "I did have a situation that was almost as bad. During preparation for takeoff a walk around is required to verify that certain maintenance task are preformed so the plane is ready for flight. One of these task is check the oil sump to verify that the oil sump service entrance is closed and ready for flight. Under a small flap is one of the oil sumps for the plane. This flap is closed and considered clear if the two kerklock are closed. Under this flap is a cap much like a gas cap under the flaps of todays cars. The difference is a red flag attached to the plane that stands up erect until the cap is replaced and turned to a closed position. Once the cap is correctly turned and locked then the little red flag is down allowing that outside flap to be locked closed with the zerk keys . In normal operating mode the flap can not be closed until the
internal cap is closed an the red flag is down. Once the red flag is down,then
the outside door flap can be closed and locked. During my walk around the
sump door was closed and locked.

Carrier takeoff and landings are difficult under normal conditions. Today we had a very normal takeoff and it appeared at first that the flight would go well.

Within minutes of launch without warning our starboard engine lost oil pressure and shut down. Flying a twin engine plane is usually a boring uneventful routine, but flying a twin engine plane with just one engine is far from boring. Now the problem gets compounded because , now this single engine twin has to be landed back on the carrier. Landings calls for a plane to approach level, but with one engine not turning level flight is not possible no matter how much the plane is trimmed. Carrier landing for prop planes is different from jet in that you cut engines at an exact time and glide onto the deck catching one of the arresting cables that bring you to a stop. In our case we will be touching down with one wheel far before the other hits. What happens if the plane catches a cable before both Engine nacelle wheels are on the ground. All of these thoughts were running through my head.

Moment of truth arrived and passed we were back on deck without all the imagined bad end. It was determined that a new man on the oil crew, had bent the flag down over the cap because he was unable to get the cap on right. Rather than ask he just bent the flag so he could close the outer door on and kerk lock them.

The minute the plane took off venturi effect from air flow over the wing sucked the oil sump dry in just 15 minutes. Lucky for the engine it had an auto shutdown if there is no oil pressure." I am thankful he didn't do the bend flag trick on both engines.

"Hmmm....that's a good story Bill, but before I go on with "Wom your most Embarrassed moment", did you ever fly a plane and the wheels fell off ???

"Oh stop it Wom, now you're being silly" Said Bonny.

"Silly is my second name. You should know that by now Bonny. And what is your second name ??? Hmmmm???" Said Wom.

"Marmadukette' replied Bonny. 'My full name is Bronwyn Marmadukette Ricecutter"

"That's a real stoopid name" Said Wom

"Shutup" Said Bonny.

Butt slap


"

[kokopup]

Wom

"Hmmm....that's a good story Bill, but before I go on with "Wom your most Embarrassed moment", did you ever fly a plane and the wheels fell off ???

Wom I never had one fall off of a plane. Will a bicycle do? i did have
one come off of my bike once while showing off my wheelie skills. Now that was one of my most embarrassing moments. IT's amazing how good friends will laugh at your misfortune and PAIN. You I'm sure have heard of road rage.
No road rage here, just a whole lot of road rash.

[GrandChester]

"Hmmm....that's a good story Bill, but before I go on with "Wom your most Embarrassed moment", did you ever fly a plane and the wheels fell off ???

"Oh stop it Wom, now you're being silly" Said Bonny.

"Silly is my second name. You should know that by now Bonny. And what is your second name ??? Hmmmm???" Said Wom.

"Marmadukette' replied Bonny. 'My full name is Bronwyn Marmadukette Ricecutter"

"That's a real stoopid name" Said Wom

"Shutup" Said Bonny.

Butt slap


"

"Wom, you have a lot of room to talk with a name like Wombat Buttslap Backendwasher! said GrandChester

"I remember an embarassing moment for you, Wom"! suggests the Chester in all her grandness"."It was your 30th birthday..we had a bunch of mates over for a birthday/beach party.
"I bought a pinata and coated it with Gorilla glue. We all know how well that works "As seen on TV"! Well, you slammed it with all your might, mate!' (Slaps high five) meanwhile further down the beach.

Jello shots and Paul Hogan

[wombat2u2004]

"Wom, you have a lot of room to talk with a name like Wombat Buttslap Backendwasher! said GrandChester

"I remember an embarassing moment for you, Wom"! suggests the Chester in all her grandness"."It was your 30th birthday..we had a bunch of mates over for a birthday/beach party.
"I bought a pinata and coated it with Gorilla glue. We all know how well that works "As seen on TV"! Well, you slammed it with all your might, mate!' (Slaps high five) meanwhile further down the beach.....

Jello shots and Paul Hogan

.......Strop, Woms mate, was sitting on a driftwood log drinking jello shots and Paul Hogan was throwing another shrimp on the barbie."

All of a sudden Strop stood up, and said to Paul.."Paul, I've just stood up"

"Well I just seen that you did that you bloody idiot !!!" Said Paul.

"Ya know mate' said Strop through rubbery lips 'when I stand up, it means something is wrong. Remember that movie we seen together ??? Tit...Tit...Tita"

"The Titanic ???" Said Paul.

"Yeah that one' said Strop 'And do you remember when all of a sudden I stood up ??"

"I thought you stood up because of gas. You were eating frankfurts the day before you know." Said Paul.

"Nope.' continued Strop through flapping lips 'I stood up because I knew something was wrong. And I was right."

"Because the boat sank, right ??" Said Paul.

"Nope again' Said Strop 'Because I dropped my potato crisps onto my lap, and there was this brown furry dog that was trying to eat them. So Paul, I only stand up when I know something is wrong with me mate Wom or a mongrel dog, and I think me mate Wom is in trouble."

"Wom' Said Paul 'He's always in bloody trouble. We'd better go see then"

"Thanks mate" Said Strop

"Shutup !!" Said Paul.

Blind Drunk

[GrandChester]

.......Strop, Woms mate, was sitting on a driftwood log drinking jello shots and Paul Hogan was throwing another shrimp on the barbie."

All of a sudden Strop stood up, and said to Paul.."Paul, I've just stood up"

"Well I just seen that you did that you bloody idiot !!!" Said Paul.

"Ya know mate' said Strop through rubbery lips 'when I stand up, it means something is wrong. Remember that movie we seen together ??? Tit...Tit...Tita"

"The Titanic ???" Said Paul.

"Yeah that one' said Strop 'And do you remember when all of a sudden I stood up ??"

"I thought you stood up because of gas. You were eating frankfurts the day before you know." Said Paul.

"Nope.' continued Strop through flapping lips 'I stood up because I knew something was wrong. And I was right."

"Because the boat sank, right ??" Said Paul.

"Nope again' Said Strop 'Because I dropped my potato crisps onto my lap, and there was this brown furry dog that was trying to eat them. So Paul, I only stand up when I know something is wrong with me mate Wom or a mongrel dog, and I think me mate Wom is in trouble."

"Wom' Said Paul 'He's always in bloody trouble. We'd better go see then"

"Thanks mate" Said Strop

"Shutup !!" Said Paul.

Blind Drunk

Paul and Strop wander along looking for Wom.
"Did I leave the bloody shrimp on the barbie, Wom? asks Paul.
"I dont know,Paul...dont you have a movie to film or something"?
"Dont get in a strop with me, Snippy! said Paul
"Me names not Snippy...you dodo! snaps Strop.
"Do-dos are extinct I'll have ya know, Snippy-Stroppy!
"Who doesn't know that" They walked the earth from 1598-1681"
"You mean flew the earth?!
"They were flightless birds you idiot...and you resemble them in oooooh so many ways"..laughs Strop

"Oh my dear Wom-Bee there you are"! exclaimed Strop."Why on earth are ya up a tree, Wom"?
"Move over Strop you're bed-hoggin agin. Bloody blanket thieving, too! mumbled Wom. "

"Wom you're bloody, blind drunk again!! Get outta that tree this instance or....

Sunrise in St. Tropez