"Maybe you should think twice about having children."

[carole]

Ok well at about 19 when i was single i was told the news that we have a hereditary disease in our family Huntingdons Chorea, at that time it did not mean too much to me and as i was not looking at marriage or having children i gave it not much thought.

Now as you all know i have two children, for those who do not know much about the disease, it is one that can be passed on and does not usually hit until say mid fifties and onwards,it is not a very pleasant one and yes eventually leads to death,I and all my cousins decided to have children because one there is a good chance if my mother does not get this disease then i will not and neither will my children, so far my mother does not have it and is in her seventies, it is looking good but we can only live in hope, there is also a chance of a cure before my children reach this age, and that is why i chose to have children, because one they may not even get it and two a cure could be available by then,i also figured the chances of getting cancer are probably higher,some may see this as the wrong choice , but i certainly do not and do not regret having had my scott and Melissa.

I also have known people with children with cystic fibrosis,infact my ex husbands sister had a son with it,having a second child would not be a good idea in this case, as they too would have it, is that correct?

I think it really is up to the individuals to make the decision, having autism etc in the family certainly would not stop me having a child,as long as you are willing to take on the responsibility of that child, it is no ones business but your own IMO.

[Samantha Puppy]

Clearly you haven't studied genetics in biology lately. It's not a "crap shoot". Ever heard of a punnet square? Or doing a chromosome examination? (maybe not the scientific title - but that's what my bio teacher called it"). There are many different tests that can be done to determine the chances of a child(ren) having different problems - all of them very accurate!!

Is there a reason you put this in size 1 font?

What I meant was, there is no way to test for all the little blips that can happen when a human is forming, so in that way, it is a crap shoot. As I said before, I have spina bifida and was always terrified of passing it along to my children. Aidan's spine is perfectly formed, but he has eye issues - none of which we have any record of on either side of our family.

[BC_MoM]

EVERYONE knows that you can't know 100% what will affect your child, if anything. Genetics is probability.

I still think that all of you calling genetics a crap shoot is way too strong.

[Glacier]

I also have known people with children with cystic fibrosis,infact my ex husbands sister had a son with it,having a second child would not be a good idea in this case, as they too would have it, is that correct?

Not quite. There is a one in four chance that the child of two CF carriers would be born with the disease. Both parents must be carriers for any of their offspring to get CF. However, unaffected children would be carriers and potentially pass the disease on to their children, if they had kids with another carrier. The vast majority of people have no idea if they are carriers of CF or most other genetic diseases. (My sister was misdiagnosed with CF many years ago)

My brother suffers from Hemachromatosis, the most common genetic disease among caucasions. He is the only affected person on any side of his family(we have different mothers so he has some different relatives than I do). His specialist says the disease has been in our family somewhere for generations, but it requires specific triggers to activate it. Big bro' just happened to do the things that set it off. He had three kids by the time he was diagnosed.

If everyone decided not to have kids because of some genetic possiblity, no one would have them! Every family has a diabetic, an alcoholic, a cancer patient, ect, ect, ect......

[Twisterdog]

EVERYONE knows that you can't know 100% what will affect your child, if anything. Genetics is probability.

I still think that all of you calling genetics a crap shoot is way too strong.

I agree.

Some things are difficult to predict based on genetics. Eye color, for example, is very complex and hard to predict. (For example, my mom has dark brown eyes, by dad has blue eyes ... a rudimentary guess would be that 3/4 to 4/4 of the children might have brown eyes, and 1/4 to 0/4 would have blue eyes ... since dark is generally dominant over light. However, one of my brothers has brown eyes, one had blue eyes, and my sister and I have bright green eyes ... a color not seen anywhere else on either side of our family.)

However, some things are much more predictable. If both parents carry the gene for a disease, and it is known whether the gene is dominant or recessive, there is a very good chance of predicting the likely percentage of offspring to carry the gene in it's recessive form, and to actually be afflicted with the disease.

There is also a big difference in not knowing anything about your or your partner's genetic map (who does, for the most part?) when deciding to have your first child and in knowing with perfect certainty that you and your partner carry a defective gene, after the birth of a child with the disease, and deciding to have more children knowing full well what the probability is of passing on the disease.

Of course, no one can predict the health of any baby with perfect certainty. But if you have the odds laid out in front of you ... there is a 50% chance, or a 75% chance, that's pretty cut and dried. That's not a "crap shoot", that's a moral and ethical choice, based on scientific information.

[carole]

Thanks Glacier for the info regarding the CF, i was uncertain about that part, and yes most people do not have a clue that they are carriers, honestly if everyone got tested for every possiblility, I think the human race would die out for sure, and i so agree with you on that Glacier.

[columbine]

I totally agree with everyone who said that genetics is just too complicated to predict with any kind of accuracy, and that people who aren't in a position to raise a special-needs child (e.g. wage-earners, as opposed to well-heeled professionals or people already on public assistance anyway) do well to consider the possibility before starting a family.

Love, Columbine

[Samantha Puppy]

But science is nowhere near advanced enough to be able to tell you if you have a 1% chance or a 99% chance on some things. My son's eye issues, for example. We've enrolled our family in a study at NIH to try and learn more about it. Is it hereditary? Or a fluke? Are his other issues connected to the eye issue or not? Is it all related to his two-vessel cord? The purpose of the study is to try and find the gene affected and get to the point where they could tell people the chances of them having children with those issues.

For some things - neural tube defects, just to name one - they have come up with ways to test for the liklihood. But there are sooooo many other kinks that can come up and no tests for those. Therefore, though your eyes may be 20/20 and your spouse also has no history of any eye problems in his family either, doesn't mean your children won't. In that respect, it's a crap shoot. It may be already predisposed, but you don't know that until they're born. That's my point. The science of genetics is not. The fact that we can't test for everything and often can't find out until the child is born is where my "crap shoot" term comes into play.

[cyber-sibes]

Well that was certainly rude of her. It's really none of her business if you have kids. We don't get to "place an order" for a perfectly healthy child, but we can & do have perfect love for that child, regardless of any problems. Life is about making the lives of those we care about better, not perfect.

Everyone has a purpose here. Children with disabilities inspire love, compassion, hope, and admiration among those who know them. (family, friends, doctors, teachers, neighbors) Yes, there are challenges, but that's just part of being a parent, period.

I want to tell you about my friend, Brian. My dear friend Brian has Down Syndrome. He is one of the most genuine people I know, and I am so grateful for his friendship. He is sure to get us all smiling with his enthusiasm and determination, his wonderful sense of humor, and thoughtfulness.When he was born, his mother was told she should put him away in a home for the severely disabled. She refused and educated him herself. He can read & write. He's almost 40 years old. She is gone now, and he has lived for many years in a group home. Knowing him changed my views about what having a "disability" means. It means having "different abilities".
I wish you & your husband the best, don't pay no mind to what other people say.

[Sophist]

If nothing else, I would have been very offended by her saying something like that simply because you have family members that I am sure you love who do have autism, and she is more or less saying it is unfortunate that their parents chose to give them life. Then again, maybe I am just touchy, since I have an autistic brother--- with no known history of autism in our family.

Autism isn't a death sentence, so I don't think choosing to have a child who might have it is abusive or neglectful in any way. And Autism Spectrum disorders are so broad, to make any assumptions about an individual who has one of these disorders is pretty ridiculous. I have been a tutor and volunteer for other autistic kids as well, and they run the gamut from amazingly creative and brilliant in many ways, to unable to speak or go to the bathroom on their own. In other words, it can pretty much be a roll-of-the-dice sort of thing... just like having any child at all.

By all means, think twice (and 100 times) before deciding to have a child. Not necessarily because of autism, but because you're deciding whether or not to create and be responsible for an actual human being!

[Sevaede]

If nothing else, I would have been very offended by her saying something like that simply because you have family members that I am sure you love who do have autism, and she is more or less saying it is unfortunate that their parents chose to give them life. Then again, maybe I am just touchy, since I have an autistic brother--- with no known history of autism in our family.

Autism isn't a death sentence, so I don't think choosing to have a child who might have it is abusive or neglectful in any way. And Autism Spectrum disorders are so broad, to make any assumptions about an individual who has one of these disorders is pretty ridiculous. I have been a tutor and volunteer for other autistic kids as well, and they run the gamut from amazingly creative and brilliant in many ways, to unable to speak or go to the bathroom on their own. In other words, it can pretty much be a roll-of-the-dice sort of thing... just like having any child at all.

By all means, think twice (and 100 times) before deciding to have a child. Not necessarily because of autism, but because you're deciding whether or not to create and be responsible for an actual human being!

Indeed. I think she was intending that.

I am, also, very touchy about autism. My younger of my two brothers (both are named Nicholas so it wouldnt do you any good to refer to him by that. ) is severely autistic with ODD, ADHD, and something else. Junior is much worse off than Nicholas (the older one. My sister and I do not have autism).

He is such a beautiful kid, inside and out, I don't know. He gets picked on a lot. Besides the fact that I am always rooting for the underdog, always sticking up for what's right and those who can't do it for themselves, etc. Our sister and myself are very protective because he gets picked on for no darn reason and he is an "easy target". My sister, myself, and Junior are pretty tight-knit so that could be part of it too.

I would also be highly offended if she was thinking that if I ended up finding out my child was autistic that I should give it up based on that. Or if she was trying to say she or I would love it less. There is no way I would EVER love my child just because they had something "wrong" with them.

Sometimes my mind sways from the veterinary path and I get the urge to be a teacher for autistic or other special needs children.