"Maybe you should think twice about having children."

[Sevaede]

The oh-so-delicate words of my gracious MIL upon learning of the history of autism in my family (one brother just recently diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome). Two brothers and one aunt, that I know of.

(Just as a note, we are not planning on having children any time soon, if at all.)

Is autism really such that it should prevent two folks from having children? Would you consider that abuse (or neglectful) if two folks willingly had a child, with one family sides history of autism, and s/he also came out autistic? What's your view on any related question?

[Argranade]

"Maybe you should think twice about having children."

This is what SO many people don't do in life, I would never have a child after seeing my brothers.

That tittle should be the law!

[caseysmom]

My brother has a son with autism, my children didn't get autism. I don't think you can predict autism but I am not sure about that.

[areias]

Now, I am just saying this to any one in particular, and please don't take offence, but I don't think anyone should have a child unless they themselves are prepared to handle birth defects and other problems. I knew someone who gave birth to a child with a deformed back...child lived, but she put it in a foster program. Few months later, she's pregnant again...comes out with a healthy child, and keeps it. That angered me more than anything. But no, I don't believe you shouldn't have children if you have certain disorders in your familys background. No one would be able to have children, then.

[Samantha Puppy]

Human genetics is a crap shoot. You never know what you're going to get. My mother had two children with neural tube defects - my sister, who died at birth, and me. I have always been worried about passing along such defects (anencephaly, spina bifida) to my children. My son's spine is perfect. But his eyes, that's another story. I had no history of his eye problems in my family, nor are they in Josh's. But it happened with Aidan. Am I a bad person because I want to have one or two more children even though the chance of them having my problem (spina bifida) or Aidan's problems (coloboma, etc) are raised? I don't think so. So long as you realize that problems or not, that child is your flesh and blood. Would you love them any less if s/he had Downs Syndrome or Autism or spina bifida? If the answer is yes or maybe, then yes - you ought to think twice before you have any kids. Otherwise, do what your heart says and realize that just because it's in your family doesn't mean a thing.

I knew someone who gave birth to a child with a deformed back...child lived, but she put it in a foster program. Few months later, she's pregnant again...comes out with a healthy child, and keeps it.

That makes me sick.

[BC_MoM]

I don't think there's a need to think twice. We just covered genetics in biology.

My teacher asked us, "If you knew that if you had a child, it could potentially have a serious illness, deformity, or mental illness all throughout it's life, would you have one?"

The majority of the class said no - but he said, "Why not? If you knew there was treatment, or help and aid that you could get - why not?"

My Mom is a TA at a school at works with an autistic boy - he is such a funny kid, and quite clever in different ways than the other children - still making him a smart little guy!

I would just ignore what your MIL has to say - it's not her child, it's not her decision.

Human genetics is a crap shoot. You never know what you're going to get.

Clearly you haven't studied genetics in biology lately. It's not a "crap shoot". Ever heard of a punnet square? Or doing a chromosome examination? (maybe not the scientific title - but that's what my bio teacher called it"). There are many different tests that can be done to determine the chances of a child(ren) having different problems - all of them very accurate!!

[Muddy4paws]

Now, I am just saying this to any one in particular, and please don't take offence, but I don't think anyone should have a child unless they themselves are prepared to handle birth defects and other problems. I knew someone who gave birth to a child with a deformed back...child lived, but she put it in a foster program. Few months later, she's pregnant again...comes out with a healthy child, and keeps it. That angered me more than anything. But no, I don't believe you shouldn't have children if you have certain disorders in your familys background. No one would be able to have children, then.

You said it perfectly! As long as the parents are willing to look after their children no matter what I think its the parents joined decision and no one elses.

[Twisterdog]

My husband and I were just talking about this the other night, after watching that show "Little People, Big World."

First of all, that was not a very polite thing of your mother in law to say, if she said it out of the blue. If you two are close, and were already having a serious conversation on the topic, then I could see the subject coming up. But just to spout that off out of nowhere, that's in very bad taste.

Secondly, I don't know enough about the genetics of autism to comment on that disease specifically. My great-nephew has autism and has suffered SO much in life. But no one else in the family has it.

I, personally, would not choose to have children if I knew I carried a gene for a disease that could be passed on to them. I'm not talking about some minor thing, but a serious disease. I would not intentionally inflict that on another human being, especially my own child.

What I have always been appalled by is parents who continue to have more and more children knowing there is a good chance they will have a disease, after their first child is born with it and they have genetic testing done. And these people always seem to rate television programs talking about their 3 out of 4 children born with whatever genetic disease. I just don't see how anyone could possibly do that ... look at this little, innocent child suffering, going to die an early death, terribly ill for all of its childhood ... and think, "Oh, honey, let's have four more kids. Odds are only three of them will have it." OMG. I just don't get it. Of course, they don't know until the first child is born that they carry the genes. That's a sad fact of life. But to intentionally put other human beings through hell, knowing they stand a very good chance of having the disease and consciously choosing it anyway? That's so incredibly wrong to me. If they want more kids, adopt.

[Karen]

I moved this into "The Dog House" because the topic is an upsetting one.

I do think people should think at least twice, if not more than twice, about having children, even if everyone on both family trees is perfectly healthy. Having children is not something people should do without thought.

That just my opinion.

However, scientists are not sure of the causes of autism, it is still a mystery in many cases. And autism isn't a death sentence, nor does it mean the child will be any less of a human being, or a good person. Look at Temple Grandin (if you've never heard of her, Google her) and all the good she has done in this world. She's autistic ...

[Pembroke_Corgi]

The cause of autism is still unknown. As of now, we know it tends to run in families but that is by no means an indication that you will have an autistic child. There is a new study that actually links early exposure to television to autism.

Like Karen said, having children should be a well-thought out decision regardless.

[CathyBogart]

I think everyone should think twice, three times, four or more times about having children.

That said however, she should have kept that particular opinion to herself. Whether you have children or not is between you and your DH. As long as you know about the history and are prepared to handle an autistic child should you have one, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't.

I might be concerned for someone whose family carried something like tay-sachs disease (a painful and 100% fatal neurological disorder), but even then I would never EVER presume to tell them they should reconsider reproduction.

I could not see it as abusive or neglectful for someone to have a child if they had a history of autism in their family.

[Sophist]

If nothing else, I would have been very offended by her saying something like that simply because you have family members that I am sure you love who do have autism, and she is more or less saying it is unfortunate that their parents chose to give them life. Then again, maybe I am just touchy, since I have an autistic brother--- with no known history of autism in our family.

Autism isn't a death sentence, so I don't think choosing to have a child who might have it is abusive or neglectful in any way. And Autism Spectrum disorders are so broad, to make any assumptions about an individual who has one of these disorders is pretty ridiculous. I have been a tutor and volunteer for other autistic kids as well, and they run the gamut from amazingly creative and brilliant in many ways, to unable to speak or go to the bathroom on their own. In other words, it can pretty much be a roll-of-the-dice sort of thing... just like having any child at all.

By all means, think twice (and 100 times) before deciding to have a child. Not necessarily because of autism, but because you're deciding whether or not to create and be responsible for an actual human being!

[Sevaede]

If nothing else, I would have been very offended by her saying something like that simply because you have family members that I am sure you love who do have autism, and she is more or less saying it is unfortunate that their parents chose to give them life. Then again, maybe I am just touchy, since I have an autistic brother--- with no known history of autism in our family.

Autism isn't a death sentence, so I don't think choosing to have a child who might have it is abusive or neglectful in any way. And Autism Spectrum disorders are so broad, to make any assumptions about an individual who has one of these disorders is pretty ridiculous. I have been a tutor and volunteer for other autistic kids as well, and they run the gamut from amazingly creative and brilliant in many ways, to unable to speak or go to the bathroom on their own. In other words, it can pretty much be a roll-of-the-dice sort of thing... just like having any child at all.

By all means, think twice (and 100 times) before deciding to have a child. Not necessarily because of autism, but because you're deciding whether or not to create and be responsible for an actual human being!

Indeed. I think she was intending that.

I am, also, very touchy about autism. My younger of my two brothers (both are named Nicholas so it wouldnt do you any good to refer to him by that. ) is severely autistic with ODD, ADHD, and something else. Junior is much worse off than Nicholas (the older one. My sister and I do not have autism).

He is such a beautiful kid, inside and out, I don't know. He gets picked on a lot. Besides the fact that I am always rooting for the underdog, always sticking up for what's right and those who can't do it for themselves, etc. Our sister and myself are very protective because he gets picked on for no darn reason and he is an "easy target". My sister, myself, and Junior are pretty tight-knit so that could be part of it too.

I would also be highly offended if she was thinking that if I ended up finding out my child was autistic that I should give it up based on that. Or if she was trying to say she or I would love it less. There is no way I would EVER love my child just because they had something "wrong" with them.

Sometimes my mind sways from the veterinary path and I get the urge to be a teacher for autistic or other special needs children.