How do you feel about graduations?

[catnapper]

My son is graduating with two degrees this spring. Actrually, he earned the one degree last year and is finishing up the second this year. He absolutely does not want to "walk" in the graduation ceremony. He doesn't want to spend the money on the ceremony (they are charging him $100 to walk plus gown rental) and he doesn't want to sit through a couple hours of speaches when all he wants to do is get out and start life.

Hubby and I feel its his choice and we'll go along with what he wants. My in laws however are FURIOUS. They are trying to force him into walking in the ceremony. What is the big deal?

I know how he feels. I myself was forced to walk in my own graduation. For me, my graduation was presenting my senior thesis. It was a huge event that my family attended because I asked them to be there but nobody seemed to understand that the presentation was MY graduation, not the receiving the diploma thing.

How does everyone else feel? Is it important? Not so much?

[Karen]

If they want to pay for it, maybe ... if there's a particularly interesting or important commencement speaker. otherwise, how about throwing a nice party and inviting them, the day of his graduation. That way it will be an "event" and your in-laws can tell everyone they went to their grandson;s graduation.

It's one day, a few hours, and shouldn't be a huge deal either way. Usually you don't even get your actual degree that day, just a ceremonial piece of paper that you exchange for the real thing later.

[pomtzu]

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

Good luck on this one.......

[kuhio98]

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

Ditto. I would want to celebrate my accomplishment.
But, if he's dead set against it, he needs to tell the inlaws that he's an adult now who makes his own decisions and ask that they respect them.

IMO ~ He needs to explain to them -- not you two. He's an adult now. Mom and Dad shouldn't have to take the heat for him.

[happylabs]

My son just graduated college last year. He did not go and we did not make a big deal about it. I feel they are adults now. It is their life. If the inlaws want to foot the bill would he go?

[carole]

my daughter would be much the same i think as your son, she just is not in to that sort of thing, however secretly when and if the time comes i would love nothing better than to see her graduate, all decked out in hat and cape, i would be very proud, but again i think it is up to them, it is their life.

Just like my girl never went to the school balls, i think you call them proms over there, i was so disappointed, but it was her choice, you cannot live through your kids, they have to make their own decisions, glad you are with him on this and not pressing him, the inlaws will get over it, too bad i say.

BTW congratulations to your son, what a great achievement, that is probably all he needs, the fact he has passed and done so well.

[Laura's Babies]

My own son opted to not go to his graduation ceremony, he had what he went for and that was his diploma. None of us got upset about it, I was just PROUD that he got his diploma.

It is HIS graduation and he should do as he wants and people respect that. If he don't want a big show and to sit through all that hoop la, then he shouldn't have to.

I say just have a party or a meal out with everyone to celebrate the graduation and let that be it.. I would also leave it up to HIM to explain to the grandparents and let that be between them.

My bet is that if you asked all the graduatiing classes today, half would rather not go to the ceremony, they only do it because it is expected of them.

[Freedom]

I loved attending each and every one of my graduation ceremonies! It was the last time to be with most of the people I'd spent those years with. (Only kept in touch with the close friends). Ceremonies are important, to mark milestones!

I have also NEVER loved attending anyone else's graduation, LOL.

Karen, I don't understand, I had 4, and received the "real diploma" at each one. Maybe things have changed since?

Anyway, I was just busting at the seams all day each time, I can't imagine NOT wanting to attend! Obviously, this is just me, lol.

[Twisterdog]

I did the whole high school graduation thing. Everyone did, I guess it never occurred to any of us that skipping it was an option. It was ok, I didn't mind it. It's kind of fun with all your friends.

I also did the whole college graduation thing. My parents came 1400 miles to watch me graduate. I really couldn't have cared less by then and would have gladly skipped it. But, seeing as I was the first person in my family to ever graduate from college, they were very excited and proud. Also, they helped pay for my degree, so I figured I owed it to them, if it's what they wanted. It was boring and a hassle, and if it wasn't for my parent I wouldn't have attended.

[Cataholic]

If he doesn't want to walk, then he doesn't walk. Not sure it is that big of a deal, and yee-haw! no boring speeches.

BUT, I do feel something should be done to celebrate the event. An informal gathering, a picnic, whatever. Something that sets the day apart from others.

Like others, I, too, got my degrees that very day. If you didn't attend, it was mailed. I don't think I would be inclined to spend $100 just to participate, he he he...those schools got enough of my money. (Though, I did attend both my BA and JD ceremonies). Prolly wouldn't do it today. Good thing I am not planning on any more learnin'!

As for making him tell the in-laws...not sure I follow. Why not, when YOU are asked, say, "He has decided not to participate...not a huge deal to us"...as long as it isn't. Why pit the in-laws against your son? (WE want him to do it, he won't do it...so, go ask him why he won't do it...).

[catnapper]

Glad to see its not such a big deal to others too

My son isn't one to revel in the limelight. He puts more importance on his running accomplishments than his educational ones. He plans on going to get his Masters, so he thinks its silly to mark graduating one school to move on to another. I understand his feelings completely.

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos!

[Laura's Babies]

At the school I worked at, the diploma's were held onto until the gowns/robe's were turned back in... that was the reason for that. Reckon the graduates weren't to swift on turning the gowns back in.

[k9krazee]

I'll be the first one to graduate from college on my Mom's side, so to her it's a big deal and wants me to walk. My graduation will only cost $30 for the cap/gown/tassel and will only last an hour and a half, so it's not a big deal to walk. If it was $100 I probably wouldn't want to do it and would enjoy a dinner or picnic with family instead.

We receive our diplomas in the mail 2-4 weeks after the ceremony.

[Cataholic]

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos!

THAT sounds like a plan! Want me to look and see if I still have my JD gown??? LOLOL...

[king2005]

Huuby and I already planned on throwing a nice family party to celebrate his graduation.... we feel that is better than sitting on uncomfortable bleachers, surrounded by crowds of people, to catch an itty bitty glimpse of him as he walks up on stage to collect his degree. Why is it better? Because we're able to spend time with him, talk to him about his future plans, and the whole family can do the same. On graduation day, its all hurry up and wait. Then stand around and wait some more. We might be lucky to get ten minutes' worth of photos. If thats all my inlaws want, we can borrow a gown and pose for photos!

Now that is a plan
When I accomplish something I love hooking up with friends & going out for dinner or drinks at a pub (well, I'll drink pop & they'll do all the drinking LOL). But to me, thats far more fun.. If there are no friends around, then I go to McDonalds for a double cheese burger combo, & share my fries with Digi & Cam. Thats what I did when I received my Security certificate in Jan & again last week when I got my Security Licence. I might get to do it today (maybe tomorrow) if I get hired from the job interview I'm leaving for (right now). WOOT!