How do you feel about graduations?

[catnapper]

My son is graduating with two degrees this spring. Actrually, he earned the one degree last year and is finishing up the second this year. He absolutely does not want to "walk" in the graduation ceremony. He doesn't want to spend the money on the ceremony (they are charging him $100 to walk plus gown rental) and he doesn't want to sit through a couple hours of speaches when all he wants to do is get out and start life.

Hubby and I feel its his choice and we'll go along with what he wants. My in laws however are FURIOUS. They are trying to force him into walking in the ceremony. What is the big deal?

I know how he feels. I myself was forced to walk in my own graduation. For me, my graduation was presenting my senior thesis. It was a huge event that my family attended because I asked them to be there but nobody seemed to understand that the presentation was MY graduation, not the receiving the diploma thing.

How does everyone else feel? Is it important? Not so much?

[Karen]

If they want to pay for it, maybe ... if there's a particularly interesting or important commencement speaker. otherwise, how about throwing a nice party and inviting them, the day of his graduation. That way it will be an "event" and your in-laws can tell everyone they went to their grandson;s graduation.

It's one day, a few hours, and shouldn't be a huge deal either way. Usually you don't even get your actual degree that day, just a ceremonial piece of paper that you exchange for the real thing later.

[pomtzu]

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

Good luck on this one.......

[kuhio98]

Personally - if I spent all the time and effort and money for my education, then I think I'd want to flaunt it for a few hours. Maybe to keep peace in the family, he could oblige, but if he's absolutely dead set against it, then the opposite camp will just have to understand his position.

Ditto. I would want to celebrate my accomplishment.
But, if he's dead set against it, he needs to tell the inlaws that he's an adult now who makes his own decisions and ask that they respect them.

IMO ~ He needs to explain to them -- not you two. He's an adult now. Mom and Dad shouldn't have to take the heat for him.

[happylabs]

My son just graduated college last year. He did not go and we did not make a big deal about it. I feel they are adults now. It is their life. If the inlaws want to foot the bill would he go?

[Laura's Babies]

My own son opted to not go to his graduation ceremony, he had what he went for and that was his diploma. None of us got upset about it, I was just PROUD that he got his diploma.

It is HIS graduation and he should do as he wants and people respect that. If he don't want a big show and to sit through all that hoop la, then he shouldn't have to.

I say just have a party or a meal out with everyone to celebrate the graduation and let that be it.. I would also leave it up to HIM to explain to the grandparents and let that be between them.

My bet is that if you asked all the graduatiing classes today, half would rather not go to the ceremony, they only do it because it is expected of them.

[Freedom]

I loved attending each and every one of my graduation ceremonies! It was the last time to be with most of the people I'd spent those years with. (Only kept in touch with the close friends). Ceremonies are important, to mark milestones!

I have also NEVER loved attending anyone else's graduation, LOL.

Karen, I don't understand, I had 4, and received the "real diploma" at each one. Maybe things have changed since?

Anyway, I was just busting at the seams all day each time, I can't imagine NOT wanting to attend! Obviously, this is just me, lol.

[Alysser]

I have so far only graduated from middle school, but I think the ceremonies are important. I felt so proud an accomplished, and it's basically your moment to shine. I agree, if I had spent that much time and effort into my education I'd want to be in the spotlight.

I never liked sitting through graduations though, I will admit those are pretty boring :P hehe I sat through my sister's high school one last year and wanted to shoot my eyes out.

[Suki Wingy]

I got to walk across the stage and get my diploma holder, like everyone else, but I had to finish a class in summer school to collect my actual diploma, which I still haven't picked up from them almost two years later.

[Asiel]

I know I would still choose to attend my graduation but the speeches are boring, can't deny that. I don't think anyone should make an issue out of the fact your son doesn't want to attend. He still might change his mind on his own. I don't think I would have forced any of my kids to attend their graduations if they had chosen not to.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Well, speaking as someone who is graduating in May (9 more weeks *does a victory dance*) I would want to walk across the stage. I know several of the people in my class that aren't going to walk across the stage because they don't want to or for whatever other reason, but I want to celebrate the accomplishment. After spending years working your butt off to get to this point, walk across that stage . However, if your son doesn't want to walk across the stage, then it is his decision, (and I have to admit, if I had to pay $100, I'm not so sure if I'd be up to the idea of walking either.)

[CountryWolf07]

When I graduated from Ohio State last year, I walked. It was a BIG deal for me to do it. My grandfather graduated in the same stadium, and so did my uncles and my dad. Guess it was a meaningful thing for me to do. I was really proud of myself to finally get that diploma, but I ADMIT it... I fell asleep during the ceremony. It was 3 hours long and very warm in the building... it was bound to happen. I think I fell asleep for at least 20 minutes.

[aTailOf2Kitties]

there is no way I would NOT walk across that stage. To me it's the final "I did it!", and a chance for my family and friends to help celebrate my accomplishment. Plus, it's the last time you'll see some of your classmates. Sure you have to sit through a few hours of ceremonies, but you had to sit through countless hours of classes beforehand just to get to this point. After this, it's done. Over. Kaput.

In this case, I think it all boils down to how much everyone wants to keep peace with the in-laws. If you have a good relationship with them and really want to keep it that way, then I would pay the fees for him and call it a "gift" or tell him he can work it off later. Or if he discusses it with them, they can offer to pay the fees instead if it's that important to them.

He's young. He's got plenty of time to live his life, a few hours of well-earned celebration won't cut into it much. However if he flat out refuses it's between him and them.

My sister-in-law has graduated from a couple different schools in the past few years and every time I went to her graduation, it took me back to my own. I really missed all the pomp and ceremony associated with it.

[cassiesmom]

When my oldest niece graduated from college, we went to the ceremony for her academic area (education) but she opted not to participate in the one for the entire university.

My nephew's graduation was a long day. Only one graduation per year so we sat through the honorary doctorates, Ph.D. hoodings and master's candidates for that one minute of seeing him walk across the stage and hear his name called as a bachelor's degree recipient. The family of the graduate before him was making so much noise that we almost missed hearing his name called. We all had supper together afterward, so that was our chance to celebrate his achievement.

[sirrahbed]

I also opted not to walk for both high school and college. For *me*, the ceremony felt silly but I seldom like ceremonies. For college it was VERY expensive. I am not real good about doing what is traditional though