The Emotional Struggles of Cat Mommies

[NoahsMommy]

My heart is aching and yet, I know it's just a matter of time before things return to normal....Noah is and always will be my special "baby". You know what I mean...that special little guy or girl that has your heart in his or her paw.

When we got Noel...Noah ignored me and started paying a ton of attention to his daddy. I swear he was being spiteful...do cats do that? (We'll say "yes" and make me feel better.) Eventually, he came around and gave me his heart again.

I had only partially forgotten the rejection when we were at PetSmart shopping for cat food when we found Basil. All those horrible feelings came back and I was really opposed to bringing another cat into our home. I eventually gave in and Basil came home with us. Noah took to him quit well, Noel dispised him. All during this time, I thought I got lucky, Noah still loved me and nothing really changed between us.

Now it has all changed. Because I am here more often than my husband and I take care of the cat's needs, I am "mommy" to all three of the cats. Especially to "needy" Basil. I swear he truly believes I am his mommy, someone to come to and stay with for every need that arises. It's real cute until I get the dreaded looks of death from my precious Noah. Basil wont leave me alone...not even when I sleep. (This isn't a bad thing, it's very sweet.)

I can't explain how horrible I felt when every day this week Noah has climbed into bed with us and has laid on my husband. When I call him, he comes eventually, not like before when he'd run to me. He hasn't slept on my head, joined me in the bathroom while I shower or "helped" me get ready in the morning.

I know it'll stop, but I need some reassurance. I love these furries with all of my heart. Right now it really aches for Noah and things to go back to normal. Will it? What should I do? I've been giving him extra attention....only to have Basil come find me. This annoys Noah and he walks away.

Help?

[Uabassoon]

Have you tried putting Basil in a seperate room for a little while, put his favorite toy in there or some can foods, so he doesn't feel like he's being punished. Then you can have some alone time with Noah, you can play and pet him and that way Basil won't be there to get in the way.

[Nomilynn]

This exact same thing happened to me with Bassett. She is my very precious girl. While I love all three of my babies, she captured my heart first. When I got Tilly she was pretty mad, and for a while would ignore me and give me really long sad looks. It broke my heart and I almost took Tilly back. But after a while Bassett came around and her and Tilly became very close friends. Then I brought Nutmeg home. Bassett doesn't really care for her but she tolerates her. Nutmeg is like Basil; whenever I am giving loves to my other two girls she comes and finds me. It's sweet but it hurts that I don't have three of me to go around. Anyway, Bassett did forgive me. I'm SURE cats ignore their moms to spite us because I know Bassett loves me, she was just P.O.ed. Noah is probably saying the same thing. When I see that Nutmeg is asleep somewhere, I go and find Bassett and pick her up bring her to me. Even though she pretends to not like it she does like the extra attention. Tilly seems to be pretty well adjusted; she comes and finds me when Nutmeg is asleep or they both sleep on my lap together.

I feel your pain but I'm sure it will work itself out. Whenever you have the chance, give Noah some really special alone time with you.. bring him with you to the shower and keep him with you while you get ready in the morning.. let him know you still want him there.. and he will know that he is still your number one Noah

[Miss Meow]

It's hard when that happens, especially when your relationship changes with an existing pet.

I have that with Mini and Jasmine. Mini is very demanding of my time. He greets me first when I get home, follows me until I pay him enough attention, follows me around the house and butts in when I'm playing with Jasmine. Then Jasmine gets upset because she feels left out. But if I greet Jasmine first and pay her attention, then Mini gets seriously offended and quite sad. That breaks my heart as well because he's a mummy's boy. I can't always play with them both at the same because they fight like crazy sometimes.

What I do is wait until they are apart, then visit Jasmine and spend time with her. It might just be sitting on my lap while I'm on the computer or having an afternoon nap while Mini isn't around, but she seems to appreciate it. And we have our little secret times, like when she sits on the bathroom sink while I'm brushing my teeth.

It seems to balance things out. Try not to feel too guilty, a new cat changes all the dynamics in the house and will take some time to settle. Good luck.

PS yes, they can be spiteful! That's the difference between cats and dogs

[jenluckenbach]

first of all, Basil may become less dependant after a while. Then Noah will have the opportunity for less competition. In the meantime, having him bond with your husband for a while is not really a bad thing. Noah may well have been doing it out of spite, at first, but it may just be easier than "fighting" for the attention. AND for all we know, Noah may be ALLOWING Basil time with you because he knows how comforting it is and maybe Basil needs that and Noah knows that.(I sure hope that makes as much sense to you as it did to me when I wrote it )

[Vio&Juni]

I want to agree with Jenluckenbach. I hope it is like she says.

Juni is a little jealous on my boyfriend, she even scratched him yesterday when he tried to move her. But, a little later she came to me first to say sorry, and very, very discretely came to my boyfried to say sorry. Nobody can resist such a sweet kitty.

[NoahsMommy]

Last night, Noah came and laid on me for a while! Yay!!

I'll keep in mind your advice and try it tonight, thank you!!

[sasvermont]

They will figure this out. I have the same thing from time to time. I make sure that when I do have the opportunity to have one with me at a time, I shower an imense amount of attention on them then. I also whisper when I talk to them, so that the other's don't hear.

They are all well fed, loved and cared for and they will have to learn to share you with each other. Right now Basil is needy - kitten type needy, just like Noah was. Aren't they just like children?

It will be fine. You will adjust and so will they. It takes time.

Good luck!

[Pam]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Last night, Noah came and laid on me for a while! Yay!!

Isn't this line just the greatest! A small step but such an important one! From one cat mommy to another, I know the feeling of being graced with a kitty laying on me! Somehow you feel honored that they have bestowed their presence on you! LOL!

When we adopted Bella it threw my cats into a turmoil. Trevor hid upstairs under my bed and Andy hid in the basement and this went on for a couple of weeks. (Bella was on the main floor. ) I even had to bring a litterbox and food up to my bedroom. I laid on the floor and talked to Trevor (and yes even cried with guilt!) and begged him to come out and eat and go potty. Eventually both kitties came out on their own and began to accept Bella. I can sure sympathize with you. The guilt is incredible isn't it? But it does get better. Keep hangin in there. Noah will come around.

[Kirsten]

Oh, what a hard time for you and Noah!!! Guess both your hearts are bleeding right now! I know, they recommend to give the "resident" cat extra attention when a newbie arrives, but you've tried that and Basil shows up...

I think jenluckenbach might be right, when Basil grows and becomes less independent, things might turn back to normal.

I hope poor Noah gets over his heartache very soon!

Kirsten

[tuxluvr]

I don't have a second cat and have no plans to get one...for any number of reasons, not the least of which is that in my heart I don't think Ritz would deal well with the change. She gets irritated with the cat from down the street happens to saunter too close to the back window!

However, even being an only cat, she has also gone through a number of mood and affection changes. The first time she opted to sleep on the downstairs love seat and not curled up next to me, I was crushed! This went on for about two months, then she started cuddling again.

Now, she cuddles at least a few times a week - in her case, I think it was just part of growing to adult kitty-hood. When she was a kitten, she was inseparable from my spouse and slept on, around, or near. Now, she no longer cuddles with my spouse, she does with me but not necessarily every night....

She does have "special" times with each of us--things she does with my spouse but not with me and vice versa...

I have come to appreciate it as part of her unique purrsonality. She is definitely no lap cat - if I lure her there with a warmed towel, she'll park her self there until it cools down again.


But, she is so very attuned to us, seems to know when something isn't quite right and "comes running", meets and greets us at the door when we come home...can't stand it if she is not in the same room with us...so affection comes in all shapes and sizes.

I wonder if part of Noah is also normal cat growth/behavior changes, coupled with the changing family structure.... I'm sure he still loves his mommycat

[NoahsMommy]

Thanks for the support! It helps so much.

I've been giving Noah his "special time" with me and he is getting more receptive to me. Yay!!

Thanks again! You are all great friends!

[jenluckenbach]

Originally posted by tuxluvr
She is definitely no lap cat - if I lure her there with a warmed towel, she'll park her self there until it cools down again.

What a great idea!