I'm SO sick of my mom.

She's gone. Not here. No one knows where she is, what she's doing, who she's with. She said she was going out with my sister or her friends Daryll and Nikola.

I called at 7 when I was done with work and she said she was on her way home. Four hours later, I've got no damn clue where the hell she is. I'm SO sick of this. I'm bawling my eyes out and I can't really type accurately, so I will just copy and paste a conversation I just had with a friend.

Kutless Demons (10:37:35 PM): have you considered calling the police?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:37:41 PM): no
Kutless Demons (10:38:11 PM): hmm.
Kutless Demons (10:38:17 PM): where do you think she could be?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:30 PM): john's.
Kutless Demons (10:38:36 PM): oh god.
Kutless Demons (10:38:37 PM): really??
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:47 PM): possibly.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:38:52 PM): that's where my dad and jen think she is.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:00 PM): my mom told me she was going to meet jen out for pizza.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:05 PM): jenny said mom never showed up.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:11 PM): sooo.
Kutless Demons (10:39:18 PM): maybe something happened to her??
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:39:27 PM): i pretty much hope she's in a ditch somewhere.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:11 PM): if she's going to ****ing lie to people about where she is and get involved in this john **** again
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:13 PM): i dont even care
Kutless Demons (10:40:33 PM): well how come you automatically assume she's lying?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:40:51 PM): because we know her.
Kutless Demons (10:41:02 PM): thats really horrible of her
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:41:06 PM): she's not okay in the head.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:41:23 PM): i hate how she puts me through this **** ALL THE TIME and doesnt even think about what she's doing to me
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:42:09 PM): 80% of my damn life is spent worrying about her, hoping that her depression hasn't gotten the best of her, hoping that she'll realize that john's an asshole, hoping she'll realize what the **** she's missing and fucking HOPING she'll feel sorry for it.
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:42:22 PM): its NOT FAIR.
Kutless Demons (10:43:07 PM): *hug* she's selfish. HORRIBLY selfish. you're too nice for worrying about her all the time. and it's not fair what you have to go through *hugs again*..me and maddi were talking about it the other day and we're both SO proud of how effing STRONG you are about it all!!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:05 PM): i dont feel so strong when i'm bawling my eyes out
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:13 PM): i ****ing hate this
Kutless Demons (10:44:45 PM): you are too strong! you've got room to cry, you have lots of shit to deal with
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:44:48 PM): i hate dealing with her endless ****, she needs to get over john, she needs to be a parent, she needs to realize what she's missing and how she makes people AROUND her feel... she just DOESNT GET IT and it makes me SO angry
Kutless Demons (10:45:11 PM): you should tell her this!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:05 PM): i know
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:08 PM): but it will kill her
Kutless Demons (10:46:20 PM): is there a nice way you could say all that?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:25 PM): if i tell her whats wrong with her she'll just fall apart
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:46:38 PM): either that or she'll get really angry and scream at me
Kutless Demons (10:47:07 PM): argh
Kutless Demons (10:47:10 PM): lose lose situation eh?
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:47:15 PM): pretty much.
Kutless Demons (10:47:17 PM): do you talk to your dad about it?
Kutless Demons (10:47:20 PM): maybe he has a suggestion
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:47:55 PM): i hate talking to ANYONE about it cuz i always end up bawling... everything i don't tell people can only sit around for so long before i snap
Kutless Demons (10:49:05 PM): you can talk to me and maddi about it! bawl to us and we'll hug you and tell you we love you..and then once all your crying is out you can talk to your dad about it!
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:09 PM): angie called when i was telling you about my mom
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:26 PM): part of the reason i'm bawling
x kiLLedbymuSicx (10:50:52 PM): she cares enough to call and see how my day was and wish me goodnight and hope i have a good day

Angie is my dad's girlfriend, my second mom. She's so supportive of everything I do.

I'm SO SICK OF MY MOM. I hate crying and I hate her. She puts me through SO MUCH and doesn't even FLINCH.