Is this fair?

[Genny]

OK, tell me what you guys think... I met this guy at where I work. He's 18 and I'm 21. I like him a lot though and he's so sweet to me and we get along great together. We don't get to spend as much time together as I'd like cause he works night time and I work day time. So usually I'm off when he's working and the other way around too... But we do try and hang out when we can. We've been seeing each other for over a month now. BUT...here's what bothers me...I still live at home and my mom and older brother (29) expect me to be home before 11:00 each night. Come on..I'm 21 years old. It isn't like I'm going out drinking and doing drugs w/ this guy...I don't smoke or do anything like that and neither does my boyfriend. We just enjoy being together and riding around and talking...like if I leave home at 4pm my mom expects me to be home by 10 that night...she says 6 hours w/ anyone should be enough... At 21 she was already married with a baby...I'm only hanging out with this guy... She lets him come over sometimes...and she lets him stay late which I appreciate...but the other night my boyfriend and I were out on my front porch and she just comes out there and says alright I think it's time for bed Genny... Come on again--I'm 21. I thought that was rude...he was leaving anyways though... And my older brother and I got into an argument the other day and since he was mad at me He texts my bf while he is at work and tells him he has got a bone to pick w/ him. There was no reason in that AT ALL! That argument was between us--not him too. So I feel as like I'm treated like a baby... Every time we go out my brother and mom call me atleast 8 times and that's not exaggerating (sp??) My mom pays my car ins. and my cell phone bill and she said as long as she does that she expects me to respect her and be home when she says. So far I have been home when she asked me to...but it can get a little aggravating when we aren't doing nothing but driving and we want to spend more time together and we can't cause I'm 21 and I have a curfew... I don't know I just think it's not fair...what do you think??

[Karen]

It may not be fair, but unfortunately, that's how it is. Arguing with her isn't going to do any good. Ask her if your "curfew" can be extended on certain occasions, or what you can do to earn more trust? Couch everything carefully, and be extra respectful. What you want to do is prove your maturity level, and stick by her rules until you can get your own place some day.

You are *always* gonna be her little girl, but that's just part of having a parent who actually cares.

[K & L]

I think at 21 it's time to cut the strings, so to speak. On the other hand if you're living at home, not paying rent, and being cared for, then I think your mom should have a little say so on what you do in her home. Does that make sense? Being a parent and grandparent I feel if you're living under my roof with my money then you need to abide by my rules.

I do think they are being a little too strict for a 21 year old though.

[carole]

Absolutely unfair IMO, you are considered an adult at 18, of course it does depend on each individual doesn't it?, but you sure sound mature enough to me,i guess if it really is bothersome you should shift in to your own place and get your independence.

However i agree with K & L too, you are under her roof, paying no board, then i guess you just have to go with the flow and live by her rules or move out.,your call, if you really want the independence then it is time to move on.

[Cataholic]

I think people are allowed to have their own rules in their own house. If I have to get up and go to work each morning, I want people in my house inside and quiet, with no comings or goings no matter anyones age. And frankly, 6 hours with someone is enough time, lol!

[Twisterdog]

I think at 21 it's time to cut the strings, so to speak. On the other hand if you're living at home, not paying rent, and being cared for, then I think your mom should have a little say so on what you do in her home. Does that make sense? Being a parent and grandparent I feel if you're living under my roof with my money then you need to abide by my rules.

I do think they are being a little too strict for a 21 year old though.

Agreed completely.

My eighteen year old son is a legal adult. But he lives in my house, eats my food, drives my car ... so yes, I DO have a say. His alternative is to move out on his own and pay his own bills. His choice.

[sparks19]

well I'm torn.

I mean my parents were extremely easy going when I turned 18.

but if they had rules and I was living in their house and especially if they were paying my car bills and my cell phone bills then they have every right to make the rules. it's not easy to become fully independant... but if your parents are still paying your bills and you are still living in their home then you have to abide by their rules.

but I know for me that would become really annoying really fast and I would be looking for a way out and on my own.

it's fair... it sucks but it's fair. they are forking out the dough so you gotta do SOMETHING... abiding by the rules is that something unfortunately

[kuhio98]

You're living in her home and she's still taking care of you. So, you abide by her rules.

Maybe she's trying to make it a little uncomfortable for you because she thinks it's time you get out on your own and become an adult. (Like you said, when she was your age, she had a lot more responsibility than you do).

I'm not saying that she wants you to leave, but if she continues to take care of you like a child, why would you ever leave? So, maybe if she makes it a little uncomfortable for you, she hopes you will take the next step towards independence.

Is that possible?

[Taz_Zoee]

I agree with Sparks. I lived at home in my twentys, off and on. While I didn't have a curfew I did have other rules I had to obide by. My parents did not like for me to have a guy sleep over in my room (which now that I'm in my thirties, I totally understand). I had one boyfriend that did ocassionally stay over and when he did I let him sleep in my bed and I slept downstairs on the couch.
Abide by their rules but you could also negotiate things with them. You'll be home later, but you'll do an extra thing around the house to make up for it. I don't know. Just show them that you are an adult and don't need to be treated like a child. Try to pay some of your bills when you can so they don't have to. I know you probably can't ALL the time, but when you can.

Good luck.

[kitten645]

Her house, her rules unfortunately It may be time to start looking for your own place.
However, as far as your brother goes, he should mind his own dang business. If he's 29 and still living at home, perhaps he should be addressing his own issues instead of butting into your life
Claudia

[Genny]

[QUOTE=Karen;2186927 Ask her if your "curfew" can be extended on certain occasions, or what you can do to earn more trust?
[/QUOTE]



She says that she trust me but she doesn't trust people out in the world..I told her that I can't be sheltered like this forever and she says that I'm too important to risk...she says I'll understand when I have a daughter...she says stuff like that to me

[Genny]

I do think they are being a little too strict for a 21 year old though.

So do I

[pomtzu]

I have to agree with what others said. If she's paying your bills, then she can make the rules.
However, I do think they are somewhat strict for a 21 year old.

If I may ask, why don't you pay your insurance and phone bill? You indicate that you are working, so what are you doing with your money, that you can't pay that? Do you give your mother anything in the way of room and board - do you help with groceries?

I'm not being nosy - just trying to get a better picture and maybe some suggestions for you.

[Genny]

I have to agree with what others said. If she's paying your bills, then she can make the rules.
However, I do think they are somewhat strict for a 21 year old.

If I may ask, why don't you pay your insurance and phone bill? You indicate that you are working, so what are you doing with your money, that you can't pay that? Do you give your mother anything in the way of room and board - do you help with groceries?

I'm not being nosy - just trying to get a better picture and maybe some suggestions for you.

Well right now I am workin at chickfila and I don't get many hours they have hired sooo many new people and alot of us are having our hours cut a lot. I only make like $250-$300 every other week and I am tryin to save up some money. I pay for my gas and buy my own clothes, makeup stuff like that that's like for 'me' and I have offered to pay the ins. on my car but my mom says she doesn't want me to have to spend my money on that. She says as long as she has it she'll pay for it...I appreciate that a lot and I'm so grateful that my parents are doing this for me...but it's just unfair sometimes when my friends go out and I have to have my bf bring me home early...but yea I guess I get what ya'll are saying, but it still aggravates me....

[Genny]

You're living in her home and she's still taking care of you. So, you abide by her rules.

Maybe she's trying to make it a little uncomfortable for you because she thinks it's time you get out on your own and become an adult. (Like you said, when she was your age, she had a lot more responsibility than you do).

I'm not saying that she wants you to leave, but if she continues to take care of you like a child, why would you ever leave? So, maybe if she makes it a little uncomfortable for you, she hopes you will take the next step towards independence.

Is that possible?

Uhhh...I don't think that's what it is...I think she just really wants me to be at home most of the time so she'll know that I'm 'there' 'right there' 'with her'. My dad asks me alot when I'm gonna find me my own place..he's only just talking he doesn't care if I'm still at home, but my mom always speaks up and says that I don't ever have to leave I can stay here forever. I think she'd like that to be honest..and right now I am happy at home...I couldn't get my own place right now even if I wanted to. But..someday....in the future the time will come when I do move out..I don't know when...but I know it will. Honestly...I don't wanna be alone...so I plan on staying here until I get married...which could be a while...so I dunno