Im not sure if this is a life lesson but it messed up my head.

OK this messed up my head a bit today for a number of reasons.
While waiting for some files to delete I stepped out for a smoke.
When I came back 5 minutes or so later my coworker K was face down on the floor. ﾠI thought he had passed out and tried to rouse him.
He didnt respond so I started yelling for J to call 911 as I rolled K over to see if there was a pulse. K made a noise while rolling him over and I noticed some Tums residue on his cheek, K had been complaining about heartburn all morning. Still trying to rouse K I wasnt feeling a pulse, that was reason 1.
While J was getting the EMT's rolling I froze up when I wasnt feeling a pulse. ve been certified in CPR in the past but its been awhile and... well I was told once that if I was unsure I shouldnt do it, thats reason 2.
J started CPR while I stayed on the phone with 911. While still on the phone I ran to get someone out front to get the 1rst responders upstairs as fast as possible.ﾠI couldnt watch the EMTs working on K past them starting cutting his shirt off. I heard them working on him and the chest compression machine going, reason 3.
After K was taken to Providence I realized I was the last person to talk to K and the 1rst person to find him, reasons 4 & 5. Reasons 6 & 7 are I've been real s**** to my dad and brother lately, and K is a father dont know if he is a brother though.

I couldnt focus on my job so I didnt clock back in after lunch and on my way home I found out that K passed and that even if I had been in the room when K went down it wouldnt have made a difference, reason whatever. Now tomorrow and the foreseeable future I have to work in a room where a buddy died, further reason.

RIP K.

Thats rough, it will take you some time for it not to be so hard to be at work. Sorry you went through that.

Make up with your Dad and brother in K's honor, life's too short and you just never know.

1. Take a refresher CPR course.

2. Make a humble pie and have a slice.:mad:;)

3. Give your dad and bro a hug and whisper in their ear that you love them.

4. My mom passed in the front room that I am sitting in at the moment.
She still makes me laugh when I remember her.:eek: Remember the good times.

5. Do one thing in the office to honor your friend.
A plant, A sign, A photo?

6. When you feel sick, go see a doc.

7. What would K think of you if you fell apart because you have to work in that room?

8. Live with a purpose.

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Satchel Paige was a legendary baseball pitcher and my favorite quote from him is this..

Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige


No matter how many times you look back? You can't change what happened.


I think that K would be happy that you were there to try and help him.

It sure beats being alone.

Hugs, bro.

Rest in peace, K, and know you had an impact here on Earth.

Blue, our thoughts and prayers are with you in this terrible time. I hope you can find some peace with things, maybe just place some flowers where K died for a few days, or his coffee mug if he was a devoted coffee drinker, some little way to remember him.

[QUOTE=caseysmom;2298273[/QUOTE]Thats rough, it will take you some time for it not to be so hard to be at work. Sorry you went through that.

Make up with your Dad and brother in K's honor, life's too short and you just never know.[/QUOTE}

Hopefully after this the 3 of us will be better to each other and better in touch.

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Originally Posted by RICHARD

1. Take a refresher CPR course.

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Thats my next cert, and Ild like to make it company wide.

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2. Make a humble pie and have a slice.:mad:;)

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Already done.

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3. Give your dad and bro a hug and whisper in their ear that you love them.

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If I could I would. I will when I get the chance. Our personal BS is to petty not to.

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4. My mom passed in the front room that I am sitting in at the moment.
She still makes me laugh when I remember her.:eek: Remember the good times.

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My Mom pisses me off, not as much as my brother, but she helped me get through a very shitty year. My mom has also done more for me then my dad

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5. Do one thing in the office to honor your friend.
A plant, A sign, A photo?

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Ill place his coffee mug at on place and Ill find something for the other. He was loved at one and well liked at the other.

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6. When you feel sick, go see a doc.

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Good advice, I almost lost a finger once and a leg the other. But I dont think K felt sick enough to go to the white coats. They never do. I doubt I ever will.

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. What would K think of you if you fell apart because you have to work in that room?

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I spent the summer in a haunted house staying with my dad. I may feel uneasy but Ill get through this. I dont think K will haunt me.

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8. Live with a purpose.

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I havent done that yet. Might be a good time to start.

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No matter how many times you look back? You can't change what happened.

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As much as I want too, your right. I was told as much today.

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I think that K would be happy that you were there to try and help him.

It sure beats being alone.]

Hugs, bro.

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I really hope he knew that both J and I where there in the end even if I froze up.

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Originally Posted by Karen

Rest in peace, K, and know you had an impact here on Earth.

Blue, our thoughts and prayers are with you in this terrible time. I hope you can find some peace with things, maybe just place some flowers where K died for a few days, or his coffee mug if he was a devoted coffee drinker, some little way to remember him.

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Thank you Karen. Ill make sure his mugs are part of the new network backbone.

That's a tough pill to swallow, blue, but there was nothing that you could have done in any event. I'm sure that K knows you tried your best to help.

RIP K
Peace to you, blue

Read what is at the bottom of my siggy.

K's season is done.

But blue's clock of life keeps ticking, Make the most of it.

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1. Take a refresher CPR course.

2. Make a humble pie and have a slice.

3. Give your dad and bro a hug and whisper in their ear that you love them.

4. My mom passed in the front room that I am sitting in at the moment.
She still makes me laugh when I remember her. Remember the good times.

5. Do one thing in the office to honor your friend.
A plant, A sign, A photo?

6. When you feel sick, go see a doc.

7. What would K think of you if you fell apart because you have to work in that room?

8. Live with a purpose.

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What RICHARD said x 10!!! The only thing I can add, if it'll make you feel any better, is that anyone who was trained in CPR freezes up now and then. It happens. Especially if it's someone you know.

I suffer from PTSD from finding my father dead. Please Blue, do yourself a favor, find someone you can talk to. It really helps.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, honey.

Donna and fur crew

Blue, I can't add much to what others have said. Richard's advice is great.

I'm sorry this happened, I hope your friend rests in peace, and I hope you can find your own peace. :love:

Blue, I'm sorry that this has happened. You've been given some good advice here and I see that you've already done some of the things. RIP to your friend and peace to you, blue. :love:

Blue, I too am so sorry this has happened. Sending you a great big HUG. :love:

My goodness, I am so sorry that you went through all this. Cyber hugs coming your way.

I like all that Richard wrote. And Karen's ideas as well.

((((HUGS)))) for you Blue! I know you are a big rough tough guy but don't try to carry this alone.. Even the best of the best need help now and then..

Those guys who were there for my son Eddie had big problems after seeing him walking down the hall on fire screaming for help. They took action without a thought for their own safety but afterwards, they saw it every time they tried to go to sleep and had PTSD from it..

This was a major event in your life. Do not be to proud to see help when/if you need it. I don't know who you work for but they should send you to see someone just to make sure you are dealing with it in a healthy way.. You should not have to deal with this alone...

I am so sorry for your loss. That is a really frightening experience to go through, and my heart goes out to you.

Do find someone to talk to about it. I came home to find my grandmother dead years ago and didn't do anything about it at the time. I wish I had, and even though I'm working through it now, the guilt was something I've carried for a long while. Please take care of yourself, and do what you need to get through it.

HUGS and prayers with you.

Hang in there blue, I hope you feel better and May God help ya!

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Originally Posted by blue

I really hope he knew that both J and I where there in the end even if I froze up.

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I'll share a lighter hearted story with you, maybe it'll cheer you up a little, or at least give you a chuckle, related to "freezing up" in a crisis.

Years ago I worked at a newspaper in the art department, where we regularly worked with X-acto knives. One day my assistant was in, not on the clock, he came in early to use the equipment to do freelance project. Well, he slipped with the knife, and hit a vein in the palm of his hand. Blood apparently arced out from it, and he walked over to my desk, trying to keep pressure on it, blood everywhere. He and I knew we needed to get a tourniquet on it, so he sat in the chair next to me and I told the people near me "Get me cheesecloth!" I grabbed a ruler, and one of the three people I had sent off came back with ice! "Cheesecloth!" I said, and she scampered away, and came back quickly with paper towel - no use in making a tourniquet! Thankfully the second person got me some. We fashioned a tourniquet out of the cheesecloth and the ruler, noted the time so he could keep track and loosen it periodically, and I set off to take him to the hospital. Long story short, he needed just two stitches, but lost a LOT of blood.

When I got back, probably an hour later, the girl who had brought me first ice, then paper towel stammered apology after apology, saying she never knew how she'd react in an Emergency - and now knew - badly! Another woman apologized and said "You know, I always thought I'd be good in an emergency, but as soon as I saw all that blood I nearly passed out. I had to go in the other room and sit down, I am sooo sorry!" And the third woman, who had always told me she'd either scream or faint at the sight of blood, worked right through the whole thing with headphones on, and only noticed as someone was finishing wiping up the blood on the floor right next to her!

So sorry about waht you have to go through Blue. That's a horrible experience no matter how you look at it. But you can take heart knowing you were there and did everything possible. It will get easier with each passing day even if it looks dark right now.

Blue, I am so sorry about your co-worker. Please give yourself a pat on the back for trying to help. You did the right thing. (((HUGS))) I like everything Richard said. I think CPR training for your office staff would be a nice way to honor your co-worker. You won't get any grief from your manager for not clocking back in, right? And your effort might not have made a difference for K, but I am sure it made an impression on your other co-workers.

blue, just a little thing. I wanted to say, if you really want yourself to be satisfied...meaning, you wanna do something which you know would please your friend if he were there. Do as I did. A friend of mine who I loved dearly left my school. The worst part was that she left because her mother was sick and we don't know what became of her. We miss her so much. So what I did was:
Once my friend colored something for me, I really wanted to remember her by so I put that picture in my file which I use a lot. I put it there and I know if she was in school, she'd be happy I was doing this. That's kinda the only thing I have left of her. I have a few pictures and I keep them safe. So something like this. Something your friend did for you. Write it down and hang it above your desk and your friend, if he were alive would have been happy to see that you have put up something that he did for you, just for him.
I hope you feel better and I hope that I provided some help to you. Good Luck! and May God help you in you every need!

Blue, wishing you peace of mind.

You did good!

Blue so sorry for the loss and for the co-workers family.
You did what you could.............
Just look at all the support you have here, it speaks of the love and friendship of the good and decent man you are.
Be kind to yourself.

Wow, Blue, I am so sorry that happened to you. That is rough, but in the end you couldn't have done anything. I am sorry for that. But I hope you realize that it wasn't your fault and that in the end you were there. May K rest peacefully.

Blue, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to experience this and I'm sorry to hear about your co-worker. May K RIP.:( Please take care. (((HUGS)))

Thanks everybody, I really do appreciate it. I have an unauthorized plan for an unauthorized memorial to K Im going to put into action tomorrow and Im pretty sure I can pull it off, but it isnt whats below.

I was pretty messed up yesterday, and Im glad I wrote it out, it helped. Im going to talk with the boss when I get to the shop tomorrow about getting us all current on CPR certified.

I got queasy when I got closer to work today knowing I was going to have to work in the same room where K died, but it wasnt any where near as bad I thought it would be, writing it out helped.

Thanks again.

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Originally Posted by moosmom

The only thing I can add, if it'll make you feel any better, is that anyone who was trained in CPR freezes up now and then. It happens.

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It really does, thank you.

I've had you on my mind wondering how you did back at work. Glad to hear it went better than expected but one day it might come rolling in on you when you least expect it so prepare for that. Just remember the day after will be a better day if it happens.

Tell you one thing.. It is making me think about getting re-certified. Who knows Blue, your posting this could save someones life one day by one of us who gets re-certified.

If K's death inspires any of us to get re certified Im sure it would make his big smile even bigger.

When I worked at school, they made all of us cafeteria manages get certified. The very next day after completing the coarse, one manager had someone have a heart attcak in her cafeteria so she knew exactly what to do.