a question re engagements....

I ask this out of pure curiosity, down under we get a lot of american television,and i notice on most of them when a couple get engaged, the man chooses her ring, and often surprises her with it, now is this purely television or is this how it is done in the big ole US of A?

I saw this on the Tyra show the other day as well,here in NZ the woman usually chooses her own ring, honestly i would hate someone to choose my jewellery for me, especially something as important as my engagement or wedding ring, the couple go together and choose a ring.

So tell me what is the real tradition in America, and did you choose your own ring? if not did you actually like your ring?

Often a man will surprise a woman with an engagement ring to make it "official." Sometimes it's a family heirloom, which then will need to be sized to fit, but the sentiment is more important than the ring fitting at that moment. Sometime I have known the couple will look at jewelry together, but the actual purchase and presentation is a surprise. Sometimes the man will propose then take the bride out to choose a ring ... Maybe that's why simple diamond solitaires are a popular engagement choice - hard to go wrong with something that classic!

Let's see, among my siblings, there was
1 ring chosen by the groom-to-be and presented when he proposed
1 ring the couple chose together
2 family heirloom rings presented then resized to fit.

But I do not know if we are "typical" in any case!

The engagement itself was not a surprise but the ring was. I knew he had bought the ring but I wasn't allowed to see it. And I love it. I think if the guy knows your taste is jewelery it's not a big deal. I like understated stuff and Dust knew that. My engagement ring is a simple solitaire with chips going down the band. I think there is no typical way anymore just what you feel is right.

I don't know anyone who was "suprised" with a ring. My husband proposed and later we went together to pick out the rings (his too.)

But that doesn't make very good television!

Mine was a surprise but hubby knew my tastes and the proposal was not a surprise.

When we got engaged it was anything but traditional because he was in Japan and I was in Ohio. We were already talking about getting married so he knew what color gold that I wanted but the rest of the decisions regarding the ring were up to him. Due to the oceans between us he had to order it and have it mailed to me. I had to wait for him to call me and then opened the package and looked at the ring while I was on the phone with him :love: I was living in the college dorms at the time so it was a BIG event on my floor:D:D

My family has generally done it that way, yes, but very simple rings, with even simpler plain silver bands for the wedding rings. My step-dad's actually has some sort of design carved into it.

It's pretty much "anything goes" anymore. The old fashioned way was for the guy to pick it out and surprise her, but even as OLD as I am, I picked mine out way back when. When my son was getting one for his now wife, he had me go along and pick it out because I knew what she liked.

The 'new' rules of picking out an engagement ring are as follows.

These are the rules set aside by the diamond sellers.

1. The ring should cost the man three months of his yearly salary.

2. See rule number one.


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The way I wanted to propose was the way my dad did it.

Find a gal, ask her first, then go to the parents, ask for her hand, then get a ring. THere is way too much emphasis put on the size, cost and material of the rings.

I worked with women for long time and there was nothing more entertaining, and telling, when a gal shows off a ring to her co-workers. ;)

Here "engagement" as a celebration is something you had in the 50s or 60s. After that you did not get engaged -you just married. Both people picked up their rings together and they were simple bands in yellow gold. Very avantgarde people (like me when I married first time in 1975;)) wore no rings at all.
As times passed the wedding bands became more eleborate. And within the last ten years the US fashion has taken over, fuelled by TV shows I suppose. Now women - especially of the more wealthy classes- get that 3-salaries-diamond for engagement and wear it with the wedding band later.
Very old-fashioned people (like me when I married the second time ;)) don't wear any wedding ring.

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Originally Posted by Barbara

As times passed the wedding bands became more eleborate. And within the last ten years the US fashion has taken over, fuelled by TV shows I suppose. Now women - especially of the more wealthy classes- get that 3-salaries-diamond for engagement and wear it with the wedding band later.

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Here they have very strong marketing campaigns that is led by Zales, Kaye and another diamond company-

One commercial is about women who get a text message from another woman-The woman texts the message that the man took her to a very classy restaurant-the next text says something about the jewelry store he went to-apparently to purchase the engagement ring.

Now they have rings that are graded by color-some rings are laser engraved with their 'purity' and grade. There is also supposed to be certificates stating that the diamonds did not originate in countries known for their black market mining operations.

One story that really made me wonder about the worth of a diamond was from a talk show host that made a statement about the price and availability of diamonds across the world.

He made he assertion that the diamond cartels own warehouses of diamonds and if all the stones were put into circulation the net worth would plunge dramatically.

I can see where the purity and color of stones can affect the price but aren't they all just old carbon?:eek:;)

I've seen people pick them out together, or the guy surprises the girl. I think it goes either way these days. I'd be not too happy with a yellow gold band, so hopefully the guy would know enough to ask me or to let me help him pick it out. I'd love something from an estate sale. I love old jewelry.


My first, and only, engagement ring was given to me when I was 16. I was dating Chris for about 2 years at that point, and we would break up and get back together. He decided he wanted me to not break up again, so he asked me to marry him.

Ok.. ask a commitment shy girl to marry you, out of the blue, and give her a ring???? Can you just see me running the other way faster than you can blink?!

I felt bad, but geez...

Twenty eight years ago my husband asked me and we went and picked our rings together. His actually was more money than mine... I have since upgraded a couple of times but I still have the original and it has sentimental value, we were starving students and its what we could afford.

My husband informally asked me to marry him, then we picked out the ring together. Once he had the ring he formally asked me. I'm a very simple girl and I picked a very petite and simple ring. I wear my wedding band all the time, but I only wear my engagement ring for special occasions.

My brother picked out my sister in law's ring and surprised her with it. My brother in law picked out my sister's ring and surprised her with it. I have another friend that was married in May that had the same thing. Another friend was asked by her boyfriend. She accepted and told him to go pick out a ring and don't spend more than $100 on it! LOL She only wore that until the wedding and just wears a plain gold band now.

My husband and I lived together for 8.5 years before we were married. For 8 years we wore silver Hawaiian wedding bands that match that we picked up for 25.00 each. We love them and called them our 'going steady' rings.

Then he surprised me and asked me to marry him and had a ring for me. He had a local native artist design it. We bought him a ring to match the new one but our only dilemma was that we missed wearing our other rings. So now we switch them on the 21st of every month so each ring gets worn every other month. :D

And then you have Jennifer Wilbanks......:D

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

I don't know anyone who was "suprised" with a ring. My husband proposed and later we went together to pick out the rings (his too.)

But that doesn't make very good television!

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I, also, don't know anyone who did not pick out her own ring. My husband and I picked out our rings together after he proposed, as did everyone I know.

Perish the thought that my husband, bless his heart, would have picked out a ring for me on his own and surprised me with it. It would have been some huge, cocktail-ring looking thing ... not me at all. :rolleyes:

thanks everyone, made interesting reading, seems it is a bit of everything over there, here is it as i said you go pick the rings out together, thank goodness, i too would hate anyone picking out my ring for me,but for those who did, it seems they knew your taste very well and you were more than happy with their choice,ten out of ten for them.:)

We picked out our rings together. Instead of an engagement ring, I opted for a single wedding band that has a diamond in it. Because of the design, it actually stands alone quite nicely. (some engagement/wedding rings are designed to look incomplete on their own and complete together).

Richard surprised me with an engagement ring. He had it made, a 2 carat blue sapphire, and I LOVE it. When it came time to get the wedding rings we picked them out together and we got a diamond ring guard to go around my sapphire. My ring guard has broken and been repaired several times over the past 18 years but it finally broke beyond repair last month. :( I'm hoping "Santa" will bring me a new wedding band or at least a gift card to get one. I've been looking around and dropping some big hints for a diamond wrap to go around the sapphire. I hope I can get something soon because I feel naked without my wedding set.

I actually don't know anyone who picked out their own engagement ring lol. It was always a surprise... you know... guy gets down on one knee and opens the ring box sorta thing.

But as far as the actual wedding rings go I think most people pick them out together.

My husband's taste is jewelry is FAR from the same as mine. Oh God, his taste is awful! I actually bought my ring while we were dating, handed it him and told him to give it to me when he was ready. So a few months later, he proposed with the ring I gave him. I'm getting a new ring for Christmas, because I hate wearing the engagement ring (it keeps getting caught on things and just not practical for the work I do) He bought a ring for me and I made him take it back. We picked out one together.... in other words, he was present while I picked out hte new ring. I have to have it made for me because the one they had on display is white gold and I hate white gold.

I don't have an engagement ring - MY choice. My wedding band is a plain, narrow gold band. That's what I wanted. He doesn't wear a ring. Neither of us is big into jewelry, I guess.

For those whose husbands picked out the ring on his own...did you pick out his ring (if he wears one)?

Just curious....

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

For those whose husbands picked out the ring on his own...did you pick out his ring (if he wears one)?

Just curious....

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I actually picked out and bought Dustin an "Engagement" ring. He proceeded to lose it. Thankfully it was only a $10 ring. I'm going to weld his wedding band to his hand.

When my BIL proposed to my sister, he had already bought the ring.

Andy proposed, then we went out together and picked our rings.

Not sure how either of our parents did it. :)

He proposed, and then I picked out the ring. Our tastes are very similar though, so I think I would have loved anything he chose for me.

One chain of jewelers near me has a deal where a man can buy a simple solitaire to propose with and then bring it back, and use the cost of that ring towards the ring the bride chooses. I like that.

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Originally Posted by CathyBogart

One chain of jewelers near me has a deal where a man can buy a simple solitaire to propose with and then bring it back, and use the cost of that ring towards the ring the bride chooses. I like that.

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The Shane Company! LOL I hate those commercials!

I think I would be happy with whatever Bruce picked out. I've told him SEVERAL times that I like simple and small. I don't wear a lot of jewelry and do not need a large setting or anything like that. Honestly, I'd be happy with just a plain band. But I do not hear wedding bells in my near future anyway. :)