Court Fight waged over brain damaged moms tripplets

Personally, I think the father wanted to move on (as in with another relationship), didn't want to deal with three babies and a "sick" wife.
I think if he truly loved her like he stated he did, she would be living in the same house with him and the children.

And as someone else stated, if those children had grown up around her there wouldn't be a problem. They would just know that is mom.....end of story. Now that it has been almost 4 years he is using the excuse of "the kids won't be able to handle it". They would have handled it just fine if they had been with their mother from the beginning. And who's to say that Abbie would not make HUGE improvements just by having her children around her? No one knows for sure how much she can understand and comprehend. She may feel that there is nothing left to fight for since she doesn't have her husband or children anymore.

And I am as shocked and saddened as everyone else on the "not-so-nice" post. I know this is in the Dog House but it doesn't REQUIRE mean comments.

I posted my thoughts on this women in an honest way. If it was me I would want my children to move on and not waste their life on a veggie salad being me. I posted that because I love my children and want them to enjoy their life to the fullest. I put my childrens happeness before my own,
From what I understood of the article this women cannot speak, move or comprehned any thing around her, her mind is gone and from what the Dr's are telling the husband think it will remain so. Yes she blinks but perhaps it is just that. A blink.
How are her children be a part of her life? She cannot speak to them, hug them, feed them or even love them. I think exposing these kids to her is horrid, yes she gave birth to them and lost her life but those are the cards she was dealt. What happiness can come from the children sitting by her bedside? Perhaps when they are 10 or older they can meet her and get an understanding but for now I think it would give them nightmares.
I don't think it's very cool at all to expose little ones to that.
As for the husbend moving on, good for him. He has kids to support and a life to lead. No good would come of him sitting by her bedside, the kids come first.

The children can meet her, and understand her situation. They can talk to her, just as one might speak to a coma patient. We do not know how much she sees or understands, but a touch is still a touch. A voice is still a voice. And she is their mother, and as children, they are bound, sooner or later, to wonder about her.

And, next time, you can be honest with sounding so cruel. Remember, this is Pet Talk.

I guess some folks don't really mean "till death do us part" maybe they should say "until its not convenient anymore"

My mom was in a coma after her car accident and I sat at her bedside, it was a nightmare. Had she lived and stayed in the coma I would have stopped going to see her.
I had three kids who needed a mom.
My mom and I talked about this very thing six months before her accident because Steve's mom had a stroke and my mom said she did not want to live like that and be a burden. Being in a coma is no life. I feel the same.
I would not put my kids through that. Sometimes love means letting go and letting others live their lives without you, for it is best for them.
None of us know how much time we have on this earth, life is not fair and there is no explaintion as to why a two year old dies of cancer and the 103 year old man in the nursing home still has a beating heart and no visitors.
But when the brain is dead and the heart is not I believe the soul has left and it is time for the living to move on and let the living dead pass on as well.
If I die or wind up in a coma I expect Steve to move on. I would be a tough act to follow but I would want him to have someone to be with and never sit by my bedside and waste his life.

Marigold - try walking in the shoes of the "grandma" in this case.

So now YOU are grandma, and YOUR DAUGHTER is "veggie salad", who was once married and had a horrible accident during childbirth. Your once son-in-law takes this child and moves away, refusing to let your grandchild see his mother, and you in turn, can't see your grandchild. You ship your veggie salad daughter off to a nursing home and essentially abandon her, so you can get on with your life, and to Hell with her. Her "life" is over, the cards have been dealt, life is for the "living", so put her where she is out of sight/out of mind, and get back to your "normal" life, be happy, and live life to the fullest. How pathetic and sad..........:(

Is that what YOU would do??? I believe it is. I sincerely hope that your daughter never has the opportunity to read this thread. :mad:

You keep saying "if that was me..", well that isn't you. You say what you'd want in such a situation, but from what I've learnt you can't interpret what you would do or want in a certain situation UNTIL you're in that situation. You have no idea what you'd want if you were in her situation. There is no way you could know because that's just it, it hasn't happened to you. You could say you do not want your kids to see you like that but I'm sure if the tables were turned you'd feel differently. I've said things similar and it always turned out differently. I said if anyone in my family got a major disease that could kill, I would not want to live anymore, I would be beside myself. But when my mom got cancer in 2005, I surprised myself by being the strongest I could for her. I can't imagine a mom would wouldn't want to see their kids in her situation. I also don't think your kids (or anyone) would be happy knowing they were "living their life to the fullest" and they were not seeing their mother no matter what state of life she was living. I just don't understand that mentality.

It might've been the cards she was dealt but it doesn't make her useless or her life useless. Maybe she can't speak, hug, feed, or whatever else to her children but that's not what LOVE is. It doesn't mean she is incapable of loving someone. Personally, I don't think any life is useless and there is still always hope. While a coma might not be a good life, it's still a life..doesn't make it useless. Not in my mind anyway. I also can't imagine what parent would just put their child in a nursing home and forget about them like that..

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

I posted my thoughts on this women in an honest way.

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There is a line between honesty and cruelty, phrased in a dramatic, attention-seeking manner. Perhaps it would serve you well in life to pay a bit more attention to said line.

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

I posted my thoughts on this women in an honest way. If it was me I would want my children to move on and not waste their life on a veggie salad being me. I posted that because I love my children and want them to enjoy their life to the fullest. I put my childrens happeness before my own,
From what I understood of the article this women cannot speak, move or comprehned any thing around her, her mind is gone and from what the Dr's are telling the husband think it will remain so. Yes she blinks but perhaps it is just that. A blink.
How are her children be a part of her life? She cannot speak to them, hug them, feed them or even love them. I think exposing these kids to her is horrid, yes she gave birth to them and lost her life but those are the cards she was dealt. What happiness can come from the children sitting by her bedside? Perhaps when they are 10 or older they can meet her and get an understanding but for now I think it would give them nightmares.
I don't think it's very cool at all to expose little ones to that.
As for the husbend moving on, good for him. He has kids to support and a life to lead. No good would come of him sitting by her bedside, the kids come first.

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Are you a doctor that you can say these things? Even in a coma we were told by doctors that the last thing to go is the sense of hearing. My mom was in a coma before dying and we sat by her bed and spoke to her and I can guarantee she heard every word.

This mother can't give her kids love, can't speak to them, can't touch them? What about the kids? They can touch her, speak to her, love her , touch and hug her. When these kids grow up and start asking about their mother they will resent having the truth kept from them. And why should they be raised without the knowledge that this is their mom? You speak like it was a disgrace for her to be in this state. So let's raise the kids to be unfeeling, uncaring and shun those that can't be the same as us? I have a best friend who is a "veggie salad" as you like to put it. Not a week goes by that I don't visit her, and while she doesn't communicate I know she is aware that I'm there. I go and visit because it reminds me that for the grace of God it could be me in that bed. Someday it might be and I hope I've raised my kids to be more compassionate than what I just read from you. Maybe you should reread your posts and let the things you've posted sink in because they are nothing short of cruel and unfeeling.

Apperently I feel differently or see things in a different light then some here. That is ok by me, I am a very pratical person.
I have reread my post..........................
I believe at this age it will give the children nightmares to see their mom like this. When she does not interact it will frighten them and bore them in a very short time.
As a mother I stated that I would not want my children to spend their life waiting for the possibilty that I may or may not get well. I stand by that. I want my kids to live happy lives, they cannot help me and I cannot love them now or be a part of their lives so let me go and be happy.
Visit once a month to make sure my care is ok but if there is a reason to pull the plug please go ahead. My organs then can help others, my kids will get some life insurance money, my husbend can watch baseball and listen to classical music all he wants and he can start to look for someone who can love him back and share his life as for me well hopefully I will be up in heaven, so it's a win, win, win, win.
The Dr's in her case do not feel will improve. How long is the husbend suppose to wait to have love again, to have a partner, a friend, a lover?
He will have to go home alone, raise the kids alone, face all the hardship and joy alone and every night after a hard day he goes to bed alone and has no one to talk to, dream with, share joys with or have a gentle touch.
Family helps but in the end you are alone especially at night when bed time comes and you want your partner there to cuddle with and confide to and share hopes and dreams and plans and feel safe.
He deserves all that, his wife is uncapable of giving that and yes it is sad sad sad but one cannot change facts, he should move on and enjoy his life.
I am sorry your friend is in a coma. Truly I am.
As I stated my mom was as well and I sat by her bedside every night and spoke to her, and in all that time there was no response, just random twiches. I would like to think that she heard my voice and knew that I was there praying for her and being there for her but the truth is she was in a coma and I doubt she ever knew I was there.
We have funerals for the living so that we can say goodbye and pay or repects the dead are dead and don't care.
We put ads in the paper on a loved ones birthday who has passed for whom is that, it's for us, the death don't read? I always find these ads somewhat said and a bit odd.
We buy expensive caskets, flowers, have music song all for our benefit, the dead don't hear.
We need this riutual so that we can say goodbye. The dead attend but aren't the life of the party. LOL sorry weird humor there.
I guess what I am trying to say is that many of these things are for us to try and heal and cope, the the dead and the person in the coma well it does not benefit them at all.
Has anyone ever heard of a coma victim waking and saying "I heard your voice" "Because of you being here I know Aunt Joan has cancer, my cousin Jane is graduating and Penny is having a baby?
Does anyone have any knowledge of this occuring? I have yet to hear of this any where.

If this sounds mean or unfeeling so be it, I see it as practical and kind.

How many of you would want to continue to be alive in this women's shoes??

Or would you rather be up in heaven if that is what you believe?

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Originally Posted by Marigold2

Has anyone ever heard of a coma victim waking and saying "I heard your voice" "Because of you being here I know Aunt Joan has cancer, my cousin Jane is graduating and Penny is having a baby?
Does anyone have any knowledge of this occuring? I have yet to hear of this any where.

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Yes, it has happened. People have awakened from lengthy comas, and people have had heir status misdiagnosed as a coma, too. And people have said they heard every word a loved one was saying, even when they were unable to respond. Just Google it, you'll find plenty.

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Originally Posted by Karen

Yes, it has happened. People have awakened from lengthy comas, and people have had heir status misdiagnosed as a coma, too. And people have said they heard every word a loved one was saying, even when they were unable to respond. Just Google it, you'll find plenty.

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Yes - very true.

Marigold - did you ever hear of "The Man Who Slept For 19 Years"? There is a documentary about him that has aired on Discovery Health Channel a number of times, and there's also a lot of reading material about him. Just Google and you'll find lots - his name is Terry Wallis and he lives in The Ozarks.

He was in a automobile accident and lapsed into a coma due to severe head injuries - he was 19 at the time. He was cared for AT HOME by his MOTHER and not put in a nursing home. One day after being in this condition for nearly 20 years, he woke up. He is able to speak (tho slurred), but has amnesia from the time of the accident to present. He still thinks that he is 19, and that his now grown daughter is the girl that was his wife at the time of the accident.. He is living in the past, but he is living, breathing, speaking, thinking, etc........ His mother never gave up on him!!!

So is a coma a death sentence for someone??? Not by any means what-so-ever.


And one more thing - this brain damaged woman that is the topic of this thread, is not in a coma - she is in a presistant vegetative state.. There IS a difference.

Maybe the reason some of see this situation differently than Marigold2 is because so the different relationships we have, or sadly, have had, with our own mothers and children. If we are coming from a position of strained relationships, or feel resentful about our own mothers or children, then, that might explain why we feel differently.
(Mom- in case you are reading this, I do NOT feel this way! :) )

You are so correct. Because my mom was a concentration camp survior and lost her entire family in the war she certaintly knew the meaning of life and it's worth.
She never wanted to be one of those people who was kept alive by machines. She told me once there are worst things then death, I have never forgotten those words.
She was never bitter or mean but she did want her children to grab live by the horns and run with it, because you never know.
When she died she left a poem for my brother and I perhaps some of you know it.
Do not stand by my grave and cry I am not dead I did not die.
Even though her grave is not far from my home I take her advice and see her love in a butterfly or a flower growing.
I too have told my children don't stand by my bed if I am stricken by coma or illness, honor my love for you by being the best you can be and enjoy life to the fullest that is the greatest gift you can give me, being happy.
I had the sweetest most wonderful mom anyone can imagine, her wish for me was to always find happiness in life and that is what I do. My wacky sense of humor is part of that.
Sometimes I am very blunt about matters but I am honest. I will tell a person they look like s&*t in that dress if they ask and then help them find a dress they can feel truly pretty in instead of saying "oh you look great" and they don't.
If someone says does this outfit make me look fat? I will honestly say "yes it is because you need to lose some weight" at first they are kind of dumb struck because usually people aren't that honest but then after a few minutes they look at me and say something to the effect, "I know I am fat, I need help losing weight"
Sometimes people do get upset with my honesty but it is only because they know it is true often, not always of course but often I just blurt out what everyone is thinking. It's just me being me.

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

Maybe the reason some of see this situation differently than Marigold2 is because so the different relationships we have, or sadly, have had, with our own mothers and children. If we are coming from a position of strained relationships, or feel resentful about our own mothers or children, then, that might explain why we feel differently.
(Mom- in case you are reading this, I do NOT feel this way! :) )

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Being tactful can get you far in life, if just being a kind, tactful person isn't enough in its own right.