I'm going to be an Aunt!!!! Need advice too...

So ya, I'm gonna be a first time aunt! YAY!

So here is the issue... My sister has said from day 1.. abortion ISN'T an option... Her boyfriend of 4yrs is pro. He is livid & is telling her to abort. She told him no, you know I'm against it, & he said you know I'm for it... Sorry bub it doesn't work that way.

Anyways, shes happy & looking forward to it. But shes more happy knowing I'm full support of it... Which I'm not, I've always been against her b/f but I've TRIED soo hard to just accept him & deal, cause I love my sister... So I did the OMG YAY jumping for joy & I'm getting her a whole whack of clothing for it (no idea on the sex as its too early, so its an it for now lol)... I know things will most likely fall apart with them, 7 she will become a single mother... Ignoring that, as I'm "trying" (hard) to say semi positive for them...

So what should I expect from the father? Anyone with statistics with anti baby fathers, behaviours we need to watch out for with him? Advice? Anything? I honestly don't know what to do, I'm at a total loss as I know zip about this stuff :(

I want to be the best aunt I can be.

Oh, shes due in Sept 2010.. shes getting an ultrasound on monday to check the babies health.

I know my sister-in-law was not pleased with her sister getting pregnant at first. But by the time she was due she decided she just needed to be there for her sister and support her in any way she could.
I think that's what you need to do for your sister. Sure the father may eventually become not much of a father. But at least she will always have you, her sister. Also, since the father is not very supportive of this pregnancy she definitely needs SOMEONE on her side.

As far as what to watch for in the "father", I have no experience with that. So I can't help you there. I just know you should be there for your sister. She may need you a lot through this pregnancy. And trust me, once that baby is born you are going to love him/her so much you can't stand it! :D

That's my two cents anyway. And congrats AUNTIE!! :D

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Originally Posted by Taz_Zoee

I know my sister-in-law was not pleased with her sister getting pregnant at first. But by the time she was due she decided she just needed to be there for her sister and support her in any way she could.
I think that's what you need to do for your sister. Sure the father may eventually become not much of a father. But at least she will always have you, her sister. Also, since the father is not very supportive of this pregnancy she definitely needs SOMEONE on her side.

As far as what to watch for in the "father", I have no experience with that. So I can't help you there. I just know you should be there for your sister. She may need you a lot through this pregnancy. And trust me, once that baby is born you are going to love him/her so much you can't stand it! :D

That's my two cents anyway. And congrats AUNTIE!! :D

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Thank you :)

My sister has been there for me when doo doo hit the fan, so it's the right thing for me to do :) It's just the father I'm not happy with, & I know I'll be a very loving Aunt. Another issue I KNOW I'll have is the protection a mother bear has for her cubs. I'm a vicious protector with anyone I consider mine (including friends). I know I have this "issue" as it may be, so I always try to plan ahead of bad things that might happen so I can set my head straight so I don't bite.

I've already put out an ad for new mother items on Freecycle, so I can get a head start on collecting things for her.. This way it will reduce her stress asap, as she is worried about money now cause of the baby. In reality she'll be just fine, buying things new will break her bank, so thats why I'm getting this free stuff, but when the baby is here, it WILL easily fit in her budget... Less things to buy = less stress... I know just telling her that she felt more at ease, i could hear it in her voice over the phone (she lives 500km from me, but I visit her 1-2 times a yr as I have a car).

Her sister-in law is CRAZY HAPPY for her, so she has 2 people supporting her & her close friends (all 3) are also in full support... She KNOWS his mother will freak out & scream at her, so shes scared to death to tell her.. Shes also scared to tell mom & dad. I'm the only family member that knows.

She has no worries with our folks. I KNOW dad will be supportive, as he was when there was a chance I was. He's a great father & knows which battles to fight & which ones to leave alone & just deal with. She'll be even more fine with mom. Mom will scream & will tell the whole world shes going to be a grandma. Then she'll get crazy & will buy all kinds of frilly things...

Also the fact my sister was able to get knocked up is great, as she had cervical cancer when she was 18 & had it removed. But there is always a chance that getting pregnant will be hard or impossible... My chances are also lower then normal, so the fact that she was ABLE to get pregnant is great news for our family.

With luck the baby will get to know 3 of it's great grandparents. 1 is dying, but he's doing well for someone as ill as he is. The crazy old man is STILL working!! SO hopefully he'll get to see a grand baby as everyone in our family needs to know him as a baby. He's too awesome & too darn good with babies :)


sorry rambling.... :D

That's great news mate.
Sounds like you got everything already planned out for the baby....hee hee.
Wish your sister well, and don't worry about El Jerko, he'll either stay and deal with it, or do a runner. Time will tell. ;)

Thanks Wom :D

It's a stressful time, but can also be a happy time. Hey, and summertime is yard sale time, so you'll have plenty of opportunity to stick up on baby stuff before she's due!

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Originally Posted by Karen

It's a stressful time, but can also be a happy time. Hey, and summertime is yard sale time, so you'll have plenty of opportunity to stick up on baby stuff before she's due!

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Thats why Freecycle is so great. It's like going to yard sales all year long, but you bring no money lol

There are always soooo many baby things being given away its crazy!

I am going to be negitive Nancy. But before I do, I want to say that this can be a wonderful thing.
However, the reality of it is that most men when they say this MEAN it. He will most likely break up with your sister, meet someone new very quickly, never pay child support, never give the baby any love or support.
You don't know if his new girlfriend will like the child, be abusive to it when it visits. And you will have very little control over that. Once boyfriend and new girl shut the door, that baby is at their mercy. If his family wants to see the baby it can be horrible, having to share your child with people you might not like on weekends, summers and holidays. Your sister will be stuck with this man all her life, and they can very easily grow to hate each other and the child will suffer.
When my boys were 6 and 4 they flew to Fl to stay with my ex for 6 weeks and his new wife, they hated it, he dropped them off at a video arcade and left them for hours. They were 4 and 6, I being in Ohio had no idea and no control. Found all this out when the boys came home how unhappy they were. That was with wife two, then they visited with wife three the year after that, she was a out of control alcholalic. After that he decided they were too much trouble and didn't have anything to do with them again.
Luckly I had remarried my cutie and Steve is their dad is EVERY sense of the world. He is dad, there is no step or half in this family. Those words have never been spoken or thought we are all one unit. Steve took them in as his own and has done his best for them and they are very very close. I was lucky, very lucky.
Your sister if she becomes ill or dies will need someone to take care of the child an most likely money will be a daily issues.
So that is the bad, which I have seen, I think we all have.
And we have all the it turn out well.
But as I mentioned if he doesn't want it, why don't women take a man at his word, he is being honest???
Maybe she could give it up for adoption.
Either way best of luck to you and your family, I hope it all turns out well.
I have given the same advice here I would give to my own 23 year old daughter so I am speaking as an honest mom.

I don't know what child support laws are like in Canada, if your sister is planning on him for any kind of monetary support, she should look into things now.

I'm not too worried about it. If he leaves it'll be a good thing in the end. Her & his parents are close & his parents & the whole family aren't those kinds of people. They wouldn't allow Sean to not pay for support, they would kill him if he tried, or his sister in law would rip off his head. My sister is VERY much part of their whole family, they love her dearly, considering they took her to Ireland for a week + their other two sons & their g/fs... They will be P-ed about it happening out of wedlock & thats about it.

If things do get ugly, She'll come here. Her b/f will be far too lazy to come to this city to visit, so the baby will be better off.

My sister made it quite clear to him that if she got knocked up before they had planned it, it WILL be kept, period... She wasn't lying when she told him that, so I don't see why her word means less then his. Her word will always trump his as its her body. So if he really didn't want kids or didn't want them yet, he should have locked Mr. Happy up until he was ready to take responsibility for his own actions.

:)

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Originally Posted by Karen

I don't know what child support laws are like in Canada, if your sister is planning on him for any kind of monetary support, she should look into things now.

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They are wicked nasty in Ontario... For the fathers that is... They will hunt you down & will take the $ right out of your bank account.

Our family knows all about it... we went through it... However dad & mom were on good terms by this point so when the new laws came in effect both signed a paper stating they wanted to stay on the old system, as my dad wasn't giving my mom support on a monthly bases, he was giving it all to my sister to get her life started, but she would only get it twice a yr (for school).

I think you just need to be there for your sister in whatever way YOU feel comfortable in being there for her.
Try to be neutral about the father.
And don't put 100% trust in the fact the fathers parents seem cool....Do the stuff legally...get the child support papers or whatever will be needed started on now.

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Originally Posted by Momto4FemaleFelines

I think you just need to be there for your sister in whatever way YOU feel comfortable in being there for her.
Try to be neutral about the father.
And don't put 100% trust in the fact the fathers parents seem cool....Do the stuff legally...get the child support papers or whatever will be needed started on now.

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My sister will never talk to me again if I send her legal papers this soon, nor will she be able to handle it mentally (this is the big issue). I spoke to dad today to give him a heads up, & to make sure he's on board with me... Be positive & supportive about it, no matter how we feel about the situation.

Dad agrees & will keep quiet until she tells him (my dad is crazy understanding & the best dad out there) Dad wants me to keep on top of this, as I'm the only person my sister shares her skeletons with (which I didn't know until a few mins ago, as I said something that my dad had no idea of.. oops)..

so when doo doo hits the fan I have to be the one to jump in with the word lawyer to get the ball rolling... She wont listen to dad on most things, but she listens to me on just about everything (what dad said today), so dad is sure she'll be ok as long as I call her every few days to keep tabs on everything. So if doo doo starts to fly I'll be able to catch it right away & start the lawyer side of things asap.

Its so weird feeling happy, protective, & this cautious all at once... damn...