I am so angry right now..this really has put me over the edge

[Alysser]

My parents always expect me to be as perfect as my sister. They are always saying "Your not as skinny as your sister". "You never are busy like Jaclyn." "Your hair isn't perfect like your sisters". I AM SO SICK OF THIS!! I am not my sister, we aren't the same person just because we have the same blood. They always have to make me feel lousy and they always want me to be like my sister..I don't want to be like her. Behind the scenes she is really rude, conceded, obsessed with herself...I'm not like that.

Tonight I got my report card and I didn't do to good in math. I got a D+. Yes, that is a very good reason to be mad and stuff, but really. They just told me to try harder and they are going to help me understand it more. Me and my teacher will also work on it. I am working on it, and with all this help I will improve. But the thing that made me mad tonight is that my mom said, "Why can't you get honor certificates like your sister?" I stormed away and yelled "BECAUSE I'M NOT HER!" this is really the last draw. I really can't put up with being like my sister.

Over the years, my mom has tried to turn me into her. About 3 years ago, she made quit basketball and horse-back riding to enroll me in dance. I hate dancing, I can't do it for my life and I was unhappy a whole year. She has said she will let me rejoin my old sports, and has failed to do so. She tried to make me grow out my bangs, but I refuse. She wants me to get contacts, when in reality I really don't like them. This is all stuff my sister has/does, and I just recently noticed an ungoing pattern. My mom is really cool, she never punishes me, well rarely, and she always lets me hang out with friends but sometimes I can't help but get mad at her because she is trying to turn me into something I'm not.

I really think me and her have some issues we need to work out but I really don't think she will stop, it's gone too far and I've let it happen far too long.

Thanks for the rant, and sorry it's long.

[caseysmom]

I have 2 daughters, one has straight a's takes honors classes, etc. The other one gets some bad grades. I try really hard not to compare them. My daughter that gets the worse grades really doesn't try that is what frustrates me to no end because I know she has the ability but still I try not to compare like you said they are different people and I am sure you have lots of qualities that your sister doesn't, your parents need to focus on that.

[finn's mom]

have you ever told her in the words you're using with us? i'd probably even let her see what you wrote us. chances are she doesn't notice the pattern that you're seeing. sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your mom besides that, just take a moment to reflect, vent here like you did and then just talk to her. parents aren't perfect, either, they learn as they go, even when it comes to raising kids. maybe she doesn't know any other way to get her point across. i think you should talk to her, though, it sounds like you know what you want to say.

[dukedogsmom]

I'm really sorry. It reminds me of the old Roseanne shows where Darlene was compared to Becky. She needs to realise that you're your own person and not a clone of your sister. I really hope she starts letting you do the things you love. It's hard enough growing up without not getting to do some fun things. I'm afraid I don't have any parent advice. I'm just a big kid myself.

[Alysser]

Caseysmom, I guess I am like that. I'm very laid back, and I really don't like school other then lunch, classes with friends, spanish, walking in the halls. Math bores me to know end, even though my teacher tries not to. I don't understand it and probably never will. But the point really isn't my grades, it's the fact my mom wants me to compare up to my sister's standards.

Kari, I have spoken to her, but she dinies everything. Maybe I will tell her this exact thread, because I feel I finally opened up the the truth.

Thanks everyone for the support. I think I will show her this thread, or atleast write down what I want to say to her.

[Daisy and Delilah]

My kids are like night and day. I have always tried to never compare them either. Maybe writing this down and showing it to your Mom is a good idea, Alyssa. Good points and good advice, Kari.

I really believe in people being themselves and doing what they feel is right for them. You can excel in your favorite areas and your sister can excel in hers. Good luck with this Alyssa. I think you're a great person just the way you are and I'm sure your Mom does too.

{{{{{{{ALYSSA}}}}}}}

[caseysmom]

I forgot to mention that comparing your weight to your sisters is just plain wrong and if they don't let you do the sport you like that is just not right. They should be happy you want to do a sport, not dictate the sport you do. I have seen your pictures and your weight is just perfect and your hair is pretty too.

My complaints with my daughter are that she is boy crazy and won't do any sport. I would NEVER talk about their weight, if I thought there was an issue I would encourage healthy eating for the whole family, I would never pinpoint my kid.

[Kfamr]

I'm so sorry they are doing this to you, Alyssa.

I don't have much advice to offer but I am here for you if you need to talk. Don't be sorry for ranting! It's good to do every now and then.

[Husky_mom]

sorry to hear that but I DO sympathize.......

while I´m the older sis......my sis was the one with great grades and I never was a smarty in school.....NEVER....... I always was this kind of tomboy and she was the girly girl......mom tried me to be like that......you know "let me do your hair and makeup" I always refused......

my sis is very thin and I´m not, but that didn´t bothered me as I knew I had other BETTER attributes.....(no ofense to my sis but it´s true) I was never self obssesed, I am a person who people look for not by looks but for companion and friendship.....I´m easy to talk to and very comprehensive....

later on I found out SHE was mad because she felt she was the one being compared to me..... which was not.....

It really sucks to be compared but I always was like "whatever" I know who I am and how I am and I LIKE MYSELF......... period..... if someone doesn´t likes me boo hoo......

my family has always been (well until now) a tennis (sport) family, ALL my dad, mom, sis......but not me........LOL........I HAD TO DARE AND BE DIFFERENT.......because that was who I am...... now they are into bowling (not my sis as she moved to SC) but my mom, dad, and bro.......and once again NOT ME......

just you know Alyssa...... YOU ARE DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL in your own way, no one can force you to be something you are not......just BE YOURSELF!! we love you

[IRescue452]

You parents have a very innapropriate affective style. They must be trying to give you a personality disorder. I think they need counseling.

[Alysser]

So, I talked to my mom. I didn't really mean to make it sound bad, but she doesn't really say much about the weight. She just said, I need to loose a little pounds around my stomach so nothing happens to my heart, she's not calling me fat or anything. Even my doctor says that. Anyway, she said that she will try and stop and I made the agreement to try my hardest in school. I really think it'll be tough as I am not a brilliant person and I hate school, but I will try. I don't know about the sports, I didn't ask her but she better not force me into a sport again.

Thanks for the support and kind replies everyone.

[CathyBogart]

You know...my sister was always the smart, pretty, privileged one too....then she got caught stealing alcohol at 17 years old! Nobody's perfect.

[Catty1]

My sister was the smart pretty one too, who could have skipped from Grade One to Grade Six.

I got jealous occasionally, but at least my parents were good about it.

Later on - like my sister and I did - you might get to 'compare notes' with your sister. You might be surprised!

My sister died of MS one year ago April 25. She was 48, 1 1/2 years younger than me.

In spite of your parents, I hope you can love your sister.

hugs!

[caseysmom]

Good for you for talking to her, I hope it gets better. I know your Mom loves you, like finn's mom said we parents are not perfeft.

[Toby's my baby]

I'm very sorry Alyssa. I'm glad you have talked to your mom though!

I know almost exactly what you are going through. I'm pretty sure almost everybody gets compaired to their siblings to some extent or another. Try having a twin! Not so much my parents, but other people compare me and my sister constantly. The obviously don't notice it, but it is actually really rude.

I hope you can work everything out, and you can get back to the activities you enjoy!