What to do about a crazy inlaw?

[catnapper]

Ashley most definitely does not want her mother there. She wants nothing to do with the woman who adbandoned her. Trust me, Ashley speaks her mind better than anyone I know. I know she has no intent on ever speaking to her mom ever again. She is also ticked that Cindy expects her to invite the "incubation unit"

I also am well aware that their wedding is THEIR wedding. We're prepared to sit back and help only when asked for help, and speak only when asked for an opinion. Hubby was asked to help with the photographer, and I'm in charge of the centerpieces (oh the power --- bwahahahaha!)

Cindy is trying to convince Ash that Mommy Dearest (MD for short) NEEDS to be invited. I have no idea why, and hubby feels like he was just sucker punched. This is so typical of a Cindy Power Play. Cindy gets these ideas in her head and she dopes whatever she needs to do in order to get what she wants. Take for example, Cindy claimed MD NEEDED to be here when hubby's mom died 10 years ago. She PAID MD to come and be at hubby's mom's side as she passed (the women hadn't seen each other for 10 years, and mother in law hated MD for what she did to hubby and the kids) Hubby never got to see his mom on the last two days she lived, because he didn't want to come across MD at such an emotionally charged time. Even when MD was in town to see her ex mother-in-law's final days, she still had no interest in Ash. She was IN TOWN, and never called to see the girls (though she did ask for my step son)

Cindy's not happy unless she's manipulating someone somehow. Since my son is no longer under her control, she's trying to play with Ash. She knows better than to play with the youngest because she never accepts any gifts. Smart kid.

I have to say, I am well aware the kids are all grown and need to say no thank you to her gifts. I myself find it hard to say it to her. She's crazy. Litterally, clinically, should-be-hospitalized-crazy. She has more suicide attempts than anyone I know. Nobody denies her gifts for fear that their denial will be the reason she attempts another suicide. Sad but true.

[Karen]

It is sad situation, but I am glad that Ashley and her fiance are standing their ground.

[caseysmom]

Well it sounds like she wouldn't come anyway.

[Asiel]

Quote------Hmmm - well I was going to keep my mouth shut (for a change) on this one, but I see that Asiel has the guts to speak up with an opposing opinion, so guess I will too. Maybe it's that she and I are truly among the older folks here, and have had a chance to mellow more in our old age, and view things somewhat differently than the "less senior" folks. So for what it's worth - here goes.--Quote------


Am I imagining things or am I being called old here ? We'll be considered old only after we reach the halfway mark POM

[Marigold2]

Most families have someone in their life that causes pain. I know I do and what I have done is to just cut ties. The back and forth the crazyness is just too harmful to me and I stopped seeing this person 15 years ago.
They have their own demons for sure, something happened to them in their life to make them this way, many things in fact.
But there comes a time when you have to move away to save yourself and I did that.
Not having the love and support of a parent is always tough and extremely painful BUT having a parent continue to do harm to you and your family is worst.
Wishing you the best of luck. Enjoy the wedding and look to the future not the past.

[catnapper]

Hubby and I have a dinner date with my father in law next week. We're going to plan out what to do about Cindy and how to get her admitted to the psych ward. Whether we'll do an intervention or get her involuntarily admitted, we'll figure it all out next week.

[finn's mom]

Good luck with everything. I just read through some of the posts, and if anything does ever happen to her (ie suicide), no one but she can be to blame (and if she's as ill as it sounds, she's not altogether to blame, either). And, it really doesn't sound like she "knows" much of anything based in reality. I am not close with anyone who has a severe mental illness, but if someone is truly "crazy", many times they really have no clue that there's anything wrong or that they're controlling or manipulating. That has to be a maddening existence for her.

I'd pray for her and love her because she's a human being, but that's all I'd do. No eggshells, no accepting gifts, no nothing. Just a lot of prayer and a lot of love (and not even in an affectionate, showy way...just in a sort of energy/karmic/everyone's connected kind of way, if that makes any sense). Such a sad situation. Seriously, good luck! And, my only advice is to keep taking care of your own family, and do your best to not let her sickness poison you further.

[Medusa]

I also am well aware that their wedding is THEIR wedding. We're prepared to sit back and help only when asked for help, and speak only when asked for an opinion.

Thank you for saying that. As a mother of a son, I'm always dismayed when I hear someone say that this is the bride's day, as though the groom doesn't count a whit. Ashley is perfectly capable of making her own decisions as is her fiance'. Regarding the situation w/Cindy, I would ask myself "What is my payoff for putting up w/this?" There's got to be one; otherwise you wouldn't continue to allow it.

[Catty1]

I'm with pomtzu on this. Her suicide attempts help her get her way, and she knows it.

Maybe a wedding is not the time, but she has a choice in her actions. So do you.

What are the laws in your state on involuntary commitment for mental assessment?

Glad you are sitting back on this one. Hope after the wedding the family can make some decisions.

[pomtzu]

Try a different approach. The next time she wants to buy you or the kids something - tell her that you would just prefer a donation in your name to a favorite charity. Perhaps a Humane Society or rescue group, a church, a mental health facility!!! If she does actually buy something and dump it on you, then just tell her you are going to auction it on eBay and donate the money to a charity. That way you aren't refusing anything and don't have to feel guilty or responsible for any of her actions.

[gini]

Regarding the situation w/Cindy, I would ask myself "What is my payoff for putting up w/this?" There's got to be one; otherwise you wouldn't continue to allow it.

Read this again - slowly - several times. Why? Because it is absolutely correct and true.

No one wants to be mean about your situation -but you have to decide if you just want to tell us about it - or do you really want to do something about it so you can stop all of the nonsense.

There are toxic people in life - and you need to get rid of yours!!
I wish you great good luck and success here. It isn't easy to walk on egg shells - so stop!!