Whine....Woe is Me

[RobiLee]

Hello All

I haven't posted here for awhile so I don't even know if anyone remembers me. I do check in once in awhile to see what is being said but I just feel to tired to do any responding. I'm feeling a bit blue today so I thought I would post on here and do some whining. I feel like I am in a fog just trying to type this out. The cancer group calls it attentional fatigue..lol...yep...they have a name for everything that is ailing you. I've had 2 surgeries and am now doing radiation treatments. I started out with 28 treatments and I am now down to 10. Two weeks to go! Trust me...we count down every time we go. Can't wait til I am in single digits! Can't wait til it is over!!! The radiation is making me extremely tired, lots of bathroom problems and nausea. The nausea comes in waves and come and goes. We radiation patients love the weekends cause that means no zapping treatments and our bodies get a chance to heal and rest but as always Monday rolls back around and we have to start over again. AWWW!!!.....I'm so tired of it all!!!! The week before I had radiation everyday plus 3 doctor appts. I'm tired of docs, nurses and hospitals. And Needles!! Hubby knew it was a rough week for me (hard on him too) so last friday before he left for work he woke me up and told me he had made a reservation at one of the riverboat casino hotels and that he was getting off work early and we were packing a bag and taking off for the weekend. It was great!! We didn't really do much but we had a great room with a great view that overlooked the riverboat and the Ohio river and it was beautiful and relaxing. It was just so nice to get away from the house and the hospital. On the way home we stopped at Ceaser's Creek flea market and I even found an Akita tshirt and that just made my day. I love that hubby of mine. He always knows how to make me laugh and make me feel better. Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty decent knowing that it was friday and I would have the weekend off but right before I left for my treatment the doctor's office called to tell me that my pap smear was abnormal and that they had sent it back for a culture and I immediately went into panic mode. I get so scared and then hyper that I don't fully understand what is going on because 50 million things are running through my head..like mostly...oh my god the cancer is back..Then I get mad cause I know that this is something I am always going to have to deal with. They say that it will always be in the back of your mind but that it will ease up and be easier to deal with. Anyway....I freak out and talk to my radiologist doc about it he tells me to relax and talk to my gyn again and have her explain it to me again. By the time I get back home I am still scared about it and have worked myself all up again and as hubby describes it he says I came in like a big thunderstorm and he couldn't even make sense of what I was trying to tell him. He calmed me down and we called the doc back and she talked to me and explained it all really well to me. This time I was able to pay attention and it turns out that is was abnormal , so they sent it back, its not anything bad and its due to the fact that my body has been through some trauma and because of the radiation. I will be having lots of check ups to make sure that everything is still all clear. Woo....I am really rambling here and I don't even know if anyone cares or is reading this...all I know is that it sure has helped to sit here and talk about it...lol. Ok...the cancer is gone and I just have to finish up treatments and hopefully life can get back to normal...lol..what is normal! Oh yeah....I'm starting back to work tomorrow. Thought I would give it a try. Just 2 days a week and they are just half days. I'm hoping it will help fight off the fatigue. Being home everyday makes it too easy to just curl up on the couch and sleep away the day. Not that thats a bad thing....lol. Well, this sure has helped me out today. I think I'll even try to respond to some of the posts today. Thanks for letting me whine. I hope everyone else is doing well.

Take care all and have a great day....Robin

P.S....Katie the Akita is doing well. She keeps me busy and happy. While I was typing all this I heard some noise and had to go check on her...of course she has been into making mischief again. She has gotten a hold of some toilet paper and has papered the living room with it. I also have noticed that the book I am reading is in the middle of the floor and has been chewed on. I think I will be able to finish reading it....lol. I have filled up her kong and put her in her crate for a time out. She is growing so fast. I need to get some pics of her and post them on here.

[lbaker]

Is there a survivor support group or something like that in your area? You are being so strong & trying so hard with hubbies help but sometimes hearing it from others that have, or are, going through similar circumstances can be a real blessing. Of course we at PetTalk are a support group ourselves and please know we are always here. Hug-a-dog Support is the best of all and I'm glad Katie can make you smile "Anything at all, all you have to do is call, and we'll be there - yes we will... you've got a friend"
Laurie

[anna_66]

I wondered where you had went

I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through what your going through right now.
Sounds to me with the help of hubby you are staying very strong, both emotionally & physically. I hope going back to work (if only in small amounts) helps you.
I'm glad you posted and I hope you feel good enough soon to post a few pics of your sweet Katie girl! I bet she's grown so much since I seen her last!

So, do you think you'll be able to make it to the park on the 19th? I'd love to see you, hubby and Katie if you can make it

[lovemyshiba]

{{{hugs}}}}

You sound like a very strong person, and I envy you. I cannot even imagine going through what you are, yet you really sound as if you are handling everything fine.

I'm very glad to hear that your treatment is almost over--and going back to work-it probably will help you a little. I was out of work for a little over a year, and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and sleep all day too--of course, this was before I had 4 monsters to take care of!!!!

I would love to see more pictures of Katie, when you feel up to it!!
Thanks for checking in with us!!!

[Karen]

It's good to hear from you - I know (not from my own experience, thank heavens) that those treatments can be very wearying, and that you just might not feel up to posting, so I'm glad you are - and you did!

I, personally, feel better about the whole situation knowing you have that sweet bundle of trouble - aka Katie - to keep you from sinking too far into despair, and when we met you all three at Pet Talk, AJ seemed like a good guy, too!

We'd love to see more Katie pics as she grows, of course!

We'll be counting down with you, and we'll have a big Pet Talk celebration when you hit ZERO left!

[moosmom]

Robilee,

I've been thinking about you since the day at the park. Take babysteps!! All that zapping with radiation will wear you down. Nap whenever your body tells you to.

I'm PMing you with my phone number. I'm home sick with a cold so give me a shout, I'll be here all weekend.

I hope you can make it on the 19th. I'm trying to get that day off from my part-time job. Mugsy requested the presence of Carl the Cone as they have a surprize for him (a girlfriend maybe???)

Hang in there sweetheart. I know it's hard not to worry all the time. My daughter has been in remission for 11 years and not a day goes by that SHE doesn't worry everytime she has a headache of feels nauseous.

BTW, have you checked with your doctor about something to take away the nauseousness (they say medicinal marijuana works).

Call me. I'm here.

[ChrisH]

We care, girl, we truly do! Thanks for checking in, it is real good to hear from you. And as Karen wrote, "We'll be counting down with you, and we'll have a big Pet Talk celebration when you hit ZERO left!"

And, of course, we would love to see some Katie pics, only when you really feel up to taking and posting though.

Hugs
Chris

[shais_mom]

We care and we do miss you. I am so sorry that I had no idea this was going on. I didn't get to talk to you much at the park. I bet Katie is growing like a weed!
I agree with Donna take Baby Steps.
And I certainly DO NOT think you are whining at all, I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced cancer or any kind of terminal illness that has not gotten mad or asked "why me". I think it is just a natural thing.
Keep in touch and hope to see you on the 19th!! Will be thinking of you!

[Twisterdog]

I would certainly say you have every right to whine!

Hang in there, the worst is over, right? Things can only get better now!

[dukedogsmom]

I remember you and of course we care! Please don't rush yourself into going back to work. Believe me, it'll still be there when you get well. Do you have any crafts to keep you occupied? I crochet and have just started to learn to knit. And I think your husband should be commended for sticking by you and spoiling you. Thank goodness too, for Katie. She'll help to keep you cheery. Thanks for checking in with us.

[KYS]

Robilee,

I am sending you oodles and oodles of hugs..

I am sorry you are feeling so neauseous.
That has got to be the most horrible feeling.
I am sure you have checked with your doctor about
giving you something for the neausea?
Hang in their 10 more treatments, you are over the 1/2 mark.
1/2 a day at work sounds like a good idea, I hope
it doesn't tire you out to much. Support is so important,
I am glad you have a great husband and also Katie to keep
you occupied. Next time Katie wall-papers your bathroom
how about sharing a picture. lol

Akita Hugs (((((^..^))))

Karen, Sheba, Pepper and Rocky sends special
hugs to his Katie girl.

[rg_girlca]

I am glad to hear that the cancer is gone. Your hubby sounds like a godsend to understand and help you through your trying times.
I'm glad you have your Katie to help you heal emotionally through this. The wonders of pet healing.
Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

[Heather Wallace]

Hope things go well for you. Thanks for posting, always nice to see how everyone is doing.

[carole]

Robilee, you are very courageous, and I know this has been such an awful time for you, hang in there sweetie, once that radiation therapy is over you will feel much better.

I have just been through this with my mother, luckily she only had about 16 sessions, and no side effects.

I am really sorry you have to go through this, it must be so tough, and I just want you to know we all care here, and are thinking of you and hoping the worst is now over.
Take much care, and HUGS to you.

[RobiLee]

Hello All!

Thank you so much for all the kind comments and thoughts. You people are just great! Yesterday was a bad day for me and it is the worse that I have felt since radiation started. It did me so much good to just come on here and type away. I can't thank you enough for listening to me and helping me out. Most days it doesn't bother me at all and the only thing I have to deal with is the fatigue. I had the upset tummy the first few times I went but it went away. This past week has been a little rougher though. The doctor did offer to perscribe me something but I told him I would wait and see how things went over the weekend. Today I am feeling much much better. The nausea has past but I am still having problems with the diarrhea and have been using alot of immodium, so I will see if I can get something stronger to help with that. I have been going to an education/support group called "I Can Cope". It was for 4 weeks and was done through the American Cancer Society. It was wonderful! My husband and my parents always went with me and I think it did them a world of good too. I have met some really great people. My type of cancer is nothing compared to some of the other patients I have met. I have met some true fighters who are battling a horrible horrible disease. I am so grateful that my situation did not get any worse. Ok..here I am yakking away again and all I wanted to do was thank you all and let you know that I am feeling much better and that my first day back at work was great and it felt so NORMAL. I loved it. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Hugs..........Robin

P.S...I am hoping to make it to the Findlay dog park get together. Just waiting to see how things go.