Man Troubles Again!!!

[Scooby4]

Help me again with my man issues? I am seriously glad I live with dogs than men at this point!
I want to go out and date. Just have a good time and hang out with friends. No problem... you would think... However, I am stuck in sticky situation. I made a mistake with a guy a few months back. I admit that I did seduce him. However, things didn't work out and he turned out to be a player. I swore him to secrecry about our liason. I was embarrassed to even know the guy!
Here is the situation: He is in the band of the bar I and ALL of my friends go to. I am unemployed and this bar offers many networking oportunities. It is the only bar I will go to alone. I also have many women friends there that invite me so they won't be alone. We watch out for each other. I even go on nights the band isn't there. All the waitresses know my drink order when I enter!!!
Here is the issue: The guy believes that I still have a crush on him. His band mates think this as well. (There are only 3 people in the band and the other 2 are married to eachother). Whenever I enter the bar, they see me and shoot glances at eachother and sometimes giggle. I've overheard converstations between them about me. All indicating that I have some kind of "Puppy dog" crush. The guy stares and watches me. I thought at first I was paranoid but my other friends agreed he watches me. My one date even told me he was staring "bullets" into us when we were dancing! Another guy thought I was part of the band!!!
What do you think I should do to get them to realize that I am NOT going to the bar to get this guy's attention? It has gotten past the point of annoying now. I want to be able to date and bring my date there. If I do try to date, it is VERY uncomfortable to try to kiss the guy with the band staring at you!
Yes, I have tried NOT going to the bar which isn't a possibility at this point. I have been meeting my friends there and then getting them to leave to go to other bars. However, we always return usually by their last set. That is when the trouble with me and the band is the worst. They think I am returning so I can speak to the guy after he's off. I am there to make sure my friends are okay and check on who they may be leaving with. (Some are widower's and don't have anyone watching out for them) The security guards also walk me out to my car.
I've tried talking to the guy and settle things. It just gets worst. He's gotten to the point where he is rude to me and won't talk to any of his friends if I am around. I've tried talking to his friends to convey the message of "chill out". We've been doing the whole ignore eachother completely routine as of late.
I am at the point where I want to wear a sign that says " I do NOT like the guitar player!!!, I do NOT want to have his children, I do NOT want his phone number, I do NOT want him!!!!"
Do you think I should just date and just ignore them? Should I talk to his other bandmates and tell them the situation? The last point of communication, I did tell the guy that if he wanted me, he'd have to come get me. I wouldn't be going to him. So far, he's not said one word to me. Which I think is a GREAT step in the right direction!!! He's quite the player. I figured telling him to come get me would put the ball out of my court and ease the tension. It hasn't quite worked. Which is frustrating me even more!!! Please advice!!! I am single and ready to mingle!!!

[RICHARD]

Hire or bribe a guy friend to walk in with you.....

If he's a good friend he'll let you take his arm at the door....


Rule one of dating.

If you are in a group situation and want to date within that group,

Tell everyone Goodbye and date away...nothing wrecks the chemistry of a group dynamic more that inter-group dating...

two,
don't date a musician if they play at the venues you frequent

three,
don't date a musican, If they have a CD and you really like them, buy the cd and fantiscize.

Four
all musicians are players...except for the ones that are dead...

Five
find a new bar.

Six
Find another bar.


seven,
Get new friends and find another bar.

eight
Get new friends?

I'm probably of no help at all but........Good Luck!

[Scooby4]

Thanks for the advice. I was kind of thinking along the same lines...I don't have any reliable unmarried male friends. That is part of the reason I want to date....
My plan was to get a guy to go on the dance floor and kiss me in front of them all. That hasn't panned out so well. Ironically, the guys I try this with "hook up" with someone else by the end of the evening. So I am sitting by myself again and the guy I kissed is macking on some other chick on the dance floor! The band then looks at me to see my reaction to this. I don't even care and most likely set the guy up with the girl he is kissing!
Ugh!!! It is frustrating!!! The guy was going through a divorce when we met. His other bandmates are married so they were trying to set him up. He doesn't need any help in that department, hence the divorce... I've tried to give hints to the bandmates that I have interests elsewhere. They don't talk to me directly. I was hoping letting them know I go other places, might convince them I am not there for guitar guy.
I thought this situation would have ended a long time ago. I've been with band members before and broken up. It hadn't been a problem. Sometimes even changing to a different member of the same band!!! I reckon I am just a "groupie".
My feelings on this situation is that the guy may actually still like me. He's just not looking for a "relationship". He's wanting to "sow his seed" for a while since his divorce. Which is fine and dandy with me. I don't care. However, his band mates seem they want him to "find someone". I've seen them have conversations and point at me. I respect the band members but it isn't helping. It just makes him more determine to NOT have me like him. He's convinced that I like him.
This guy isn't a guy that I would want to date. He's almost 20 years older than me! He's been married 5 times! He's a recovering alcoholic and drug user. He's cheated on every woman. His latest girlfriend I suspected was a hooker. (he wasn't aware of her money making ways). He doesn't even sing that well!!!
Hello!!! Does this guy sound like something any woman would want to date?!

[finn's mom]

I would recommend only using the bar as a networking venue. If that's the reason you can't find another bar to frequent, I'd stop using it to date altogether. I mean, if it's supposed to be for business networking, make it for that, and, that only. Just ignore the guitar player. Who cares if they're starting at you? That's childish. Do your own thing. Seriously, though, I think the biggest mistake you're making is mixing business and pleasure. Find another bar to take your dates to or to pick up guys. Stick with this one for networking. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by networking?

[catland]

In all fairness, I think you're sending mixed signals here.

Always arriving during their last set sure sounds like you are interested in him. Turn the situation around for a moment. If you were the one in the band and there was someone that had a brief fling with you, and that someone was constantly stopping by just as you were finishing up, wouldn't you think they were still interested?

Networking or no networking - don't go to that bar at all on nights when his band is playing. Its as simple as that.

Good luck.

[Scooby4]

No, my networking is just that. Networking. The town I live in is VERY professional and filled with Engineers. It is one of the higher income areas in the state. The bar I go to is in a Hotel where many of the visiting company reps come to. The other bars or nightclubs in town aren't set up that way. They are mostly young people. I am not that young anymore.
Your right I should concentrate more on my networking. Another benefit I have found is that I have lost 10 pounds!!! I am more excited about my weight loss than anything else. It has gotten me into better shape.
I think I will just ignore the band for awhile and continue doing what I need to do. The weeknights are for networking and the weekends are more for pleasure. There is a different type crowd each night so I can diversify somewhat. I really need to find a job soon. Thanks!