Maybe I shouldn't talk about this here. I am usually a private person and don't normally talk about this subject. Trust me I am not looking for any sympathy or any answers really. I just felt like talking. I have been fighting severe depression for some time now. Actually I've been dealing with it off and on ever since I gave birth to my son. I was not aware of it at the time but now that I look back it is quite clear that that is when it started. I am at a very extreme low right now and don't feel much like doing anything at all. I don't want to leave the house or even bother to get dressed. Its awful and very debilitating. I have been off and on of antidepressants and I hate them. I just want to be normal. I know alot of it has to do with my weight right now and I just don't want to be seen. I just want to stay home and sleep and boy can i sleep. My house is a mess and I just can't seem to get it together. I am trying a new doctor right now who is in fact a homeopathic doctor. She has reveiwed my case and is going to give me some medicine that she thinks will help me out alot. I find that hard to believe. I walk around in a complete fog and sometimes wonder how I made it through the day. My own son thinks I am a loser and that is very hard to deal with. He just told me this a few hours ago. I don't even know what to say. It is true but it also hurt so much that he is so disrespectful that he feels like it is alright to talk to me this way. I suck at my job and sometimes I wonder why they even keep me there. I'm pretty sure right now that I am still there becuase there is no one to take my place. I was seriously thinking of quitting my job and had decided to do it but it turns out that my husband job is not all that secure so I have decided I better stick it out till we see what is going to happen to Alden's job. We had even ordered new windows for the house which I was so excited about. It was our first home improvement and we were looking forward to doing more stuff as time went along. New siding and a new nice porch. The next day after we ordered the windows we found out Alden's job was very insecure so we called and cancelled the windows. Thank god the company was understanding and is sending us back our down payment. I don't know why I'm telling all of this. I just feel like talking I guess. I am in a black hole and just can't see a way out. I don't expect and sympathy and I don't expect any answers. I just need to talk. Hopefully I will find my way back out into the sunlight.

Thanks for listening....Robin
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