> I Want to thank all of you who have taken the time
and
> > trouble to send me your damn chain letters over
the
> > past years. Thank you for making me feel safe,
> > secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
> > concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because
> > it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink
Pepsi
> > or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
> > products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
God"
> > on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a
> > can because I will get sick from the rat feces and
> > urine.
> >
> > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because
> > it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin
return
> > on pay phones because I could be pricked with a
> > needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use
> > cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a
> > water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to
> > shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> > perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive
> > packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
> > Al Qaeda in disguise.
> > I no longer shop at Target since they are French
and
> > don't support our American troops. I no longer
> > answer the phone because someone will ask me to
dial
> > a stupid number for which I will get the phone
bill
> > from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore,
> > and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods
> > because the estrogens they contain will turn me
gay.
> > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
> > actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
> > feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex
because
> > they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a
nap
> > in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any
> > sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
> > free replacement pair from Nike.
> >
> > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus
> > since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry
> > about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking
> > out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
> > every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God
> > only answers my prayers if I forward an email to
> > seven of my friends and make a wish within five
> > minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it
works
> > that way!) I no longer have any savings because I
> > gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the
> > hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
> >
> > I no longer have any money at all, but that will
> > change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft
and
> > AOL are sending me for participating in their
> > special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all
of
> > you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will
> > now return the favor.
> >
> > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200
> > people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with
> > diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this
> > afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels
> > will infest your armpits. I know this will occur
> > because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend
> > of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of
a
> > friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's
> > 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's
> > mother's beautician!!!
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12/02
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