So I am currently not on speaking terms with my best friend, Christine (who is also my Maid of Honor) and I am completely miserable. I haven't been able to stop crying all morning so now my eyes are all puffy and red. Sad thing is, I think that this may take the award for being the stupidest thing we've ever fought over. Want to know why she's called me a "G**da*n b!tch" and I called her a golddigger?
She is offended by the gift I had selected for the bridesmaids. Though I've been searching for unique ideas for the best part of a year, even before Josh and I were officially engaged, what I selected was a "no brainer" gift that one only selects when they can't think of anything else. And THEN she told me that I should be spending much much more on them. Do you want to see what I had selected? Have a look:
I had been planning on getting each girl one monogrammed with their initials. I'm sure it wasn't destined to go down in history as the greatest bridesmaids' gift of all time, but I thought it was different and personal. It could even be used after the candle burnt down as a trinket holder or something to put potpourri in, etc. So like I said, maybe not the gift that would make bridesmaids swoon but I thought it was nice.
Her first beef was that it was a "no brainer" gift. "Candles are what you give people when you can't think of anything unique." Sure, if I went to Wal-Mart and picked up 3 candles for each girl - that's lame. But being as I - hand on a bible - have been looking for ideas for the best part of a year - this definitely wouldn't classify as a "no brainer" to me.
Then she lit into me about the price, which absolutely floored me. She's never been that materialistic before! She stated that with everything that my girls will be doing for me between now and June, I should be spending much more on their gifts to REALLY show how much I appreciate them. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought I showed them how much I appreciate their friendship by asking them to share the most important day of my life with me. To me, that's the big honor here. Now by that, I don't mean that they shouldn't get something nice in return, but I also shouldn't feel like I should have to "pay" them for being in the wedding, which is what she's implying.
If I could spend tons of money on my girls, I would in a heartbeat and I think they all know that. As a matter of fact, I found a gorgeous floating pearl necklace I would have LOVED to have gotten them but it was $80 and $80x5 = $400 and I simply don't have that kind of money when I'm only making $29,000/year AND I've got over $3,000 going to the reception, $1000 going to my dress (my mom is picking up the rest), $1000 for flowers, $700 for the brass quintet, $550 for the DJ, $500 for the limo, $600 for the photographer (Josh and I are splitting), AND we'll be purchasing a house in the next few months AND trying to furnish it so we aren't sleeping on sleeping bags instead of bed or sitting on futons instead of sofas.
When I was in my friend, Erika's wedding in July her gift to us was a cheap little silver necklace with a cross on it. Do you think she put months of thought or gobs of money into it? No. Was I offended or disappointed? No. I was just happy and honored that she wanted me to be a part of the most important day of her life.
So with all that said, I'm looking for some feedback. Please don't feel that you are my "yes people" - please tell me - honestly - your thoughts on the situation. Do you think that I should tone down some of the things (flowers, centerpieces, etc.) that I wanted for my wedding day in order to be able to afford more expensive gifts for my girls? Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned in my thinking and more expensive gifts are the norm and expected these days. I don't know, I've never done this before.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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We tell each other everything and she hasn't told me that anything in her personal life is horrible, so I have no idea why she's acting like that. One of my other girls said that since she is putting money in to this (for her dress and shoes, a plane ticket home, shower stuff, etc.) that she feels she should be paid back. The thing is, I *am* planning on getting HER an additional gift since she's been like my sister for the last 15 years. She knows this, and says that it's not about her, that no one would like that present after spending so much time and money on me over the next six months. 
My feelings on THAT is that everyone had the opportunity to say "no thank you" when I asked them to be in it. I understand that being in weddings can add up, but I never thought that in addition to everything else I'm paying for, I had to spend hundreds on my bridesmaids to thank them for being my friend. I thought asking them to stand up for me was special enough.
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