Things our cats do that make us laugh

[trayi52]

I got this in an e-mail sometime back, and thought I should share it with the rest of you cat lovers, I can't remember the writer or where it came from, but it sure does describe my Grover, and I bet you yourselves has had the same thing happen to you. If you have any good jokes to share that you have heard about our beloved cat buddies, then please share them here for a laugh. We all need to laugh, and I know that Grover makes me do a lot of laughing, and yours do you the same way, that is why we love them so much. Isn't it?





CAT'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaierp ga3qi4 taij@3tgv aa35 a=

[catcrazylady]

"I will do my best to control my hunger pangs past 4:30am on the weekends"

"I will try to sleep beside my meowmie instead of placing my 16lbs of lardness right square in the middle of her chest"

"I will try to drink from the water bowl late in the evenings so my very tired Meowmie doesn't have to get up and turn on the faucet just so I will be quiet"

"I will stop popping the box spring while laying under the bed on my back. It does not make my sound-a-sleep purrents happy when I give them a bouncy bed"

"I will stop shredding the bathroom curtains"

"I will stop scratching the paint off of the bathroom door everytime someone wants some privacy"

"I will do my best to leave all objects on tables. Meowmie must have put them on the table and not the floor for a reason"

Just in case all of the above fail...I will continue to give loads of headbutts, chatters, snuggles and hugs. I'm pretty sure that is what has kept her from choking me up to this point!

[trayi52]

ummm, sounds like Grover too! Does yours do that to?

[Tonya]

OMG! Those are soooo true!

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaierp ga3qi4 taij@3tgv aa35 a=

That's Ron.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups

Raven climbs on my back and lays down whenever I am trying to do pushups.

[slick]

I will try my best to puke on the paper that my Mommy puts in front of me instead of on the rug.

I will try not to run around the house at 5am and meow loudly.

I will try to clean my butt after having a big dump.

[trayi52]

Yes the one about the keyboard does apply to Grover too, especially if I am on msn messenger talking to my sister, she even managed to step on the enter key, and my sister is going "uh?" and the one where they are shredding the shower curtains apply here too, I have had to replace my shower curtains several times. Wonder why?
Do you think we should let Rover the dog post the one about how to wash the cat?

[catcrazylady]

I love the one about puking on the paper!!! I forgot about that one when I posted!! You can chase em all over the house but they still manage to miss!

[catlover4ever]

I will try my best to puke on the paper that my Mommy puts in front of me instead of on the rug.

Oh, That is Tigger and Tucker to a T.

[amoore]

wow!, it all sounds like my sunny ! he hasn't gotten into the keyboard thing yet but he loves my chair at the computer . when he was allowed out side , he would climb on my back while i was weeding my garden and do his beanie baby thing and nibble my hair and ears purring loudly in my ears .
all the kittys in this post sound sooooo cute ! i love reading all the sweet and funny things they do ! thanks for all the sweet storys .

[catmandu]

I will not lie in front of the stairs!

[trayi52]

TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior motives?

5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?

6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss!

[amoore]

that does sound like sunny ,especially the can oppener alert . all i can say is i want to hear some more funny cat storys and sayings ! i love it !

[trayi52]

"Quiz For Cats About Humans"

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean?
a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
d) Let the begging begin

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this?
a) Supper
b) Something s/he obviously wouldn't eat
c) Something to keep you going till supper's ready
d) Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat

Your human removes you from the top of the television.
Does this mean?
a) You're in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it
d) It is time to chew on the cable wire again

Staircases are for:
a) Getting up to the human's bed at 4am
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it
d) All of the above

Your human talks/yells at you. You should:
a) Listen intently, even if you don't understand
b) Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing
c) Ignore him/her completely; you're a cat, they mean nothing
d) Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their
talking
behavior

Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:
a) Important to humans and should be left alone
b) Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what
damage may
result
c) Annoying and should be removed immediately

Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:
a) Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed)
b) Played with until they stop playing
c) Presented to your human as a proud trophy
d) Hidden under your human's pillow for safe keeping
e) Consumed for their nutritional value

A human giving you a bath should be considered:
a) Under no circumstances
b) Under no circumstances
c) Under no circumstances
d) An act of war
e) All of the above

Your human's value is limited to:
a) Providing food
b) Providing water
c) Letting you out
d) Providing opposite-gender feline companionship
e) Leaving you alone
f) All of the above; if properly trained

[RedHedd]

Originally posted by trayi52
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

Mine just consider me an obstacle while I'm working out and consider it a good opportunity to practice bounding leaps over me. They also jump over me while I'm working out with dumbbells. Both of them have almost gotten knocked out by this behavior - we've had several very close calls!

[Lallypop11]

I got this forwarded to me a while ago, I know you'll appreciate it, hehe.


Cat Rules

I. DOORS
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS
If you have to urp, get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When urping on shag, be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare foot.

III. BATHROOMS
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (See Rule I) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

IV. HELPING
If one of your humans is engaged in some semi-closed activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping"; humans are known to refer to it as hampering". The following are the rules for "helping": a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are: 1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms; 2) In the dark; and 3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME
Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned.

VII. COMPUTERS
1: Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help.
2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk in a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible.
3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del.
4: Always chase the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice.
5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails