Darned Humans

[Lady's Human]

All I wanted to do was go outside.

The dog gets to go out.

My boy gets to go out.

Every time I try to go out the Humans stop me.

Finally, yesterday afternoon the short humans left the door open long enough for me to finally do what I've wanted to do since I wandered down the driveway.

I escaped, and went out on the deck. Nobody noticed I had left, so I poked around a little, but it's so big out there I guess I got scared. I found a hole in the deck and jumped down through to hide until I felt safe. I guess I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was dark out, and I saw another cat. I wen over and tried to say hi, but she kept going. Just when I thought I was going to get to roam around a little and see what this is like, the big human came out and saw me. I ran back into the hole I had gotten into earlier, but the humans saw me. My boy and his sister came out to try and lure me out, but I wasn't going to fall for it. The big human jumped on teh deck to try and scare me out, but I was comfy in my hidey hole and I just stayed, hoping they'd go away so I 'd get a chance to explore. Then I heard a loud whine, and all of a sudden the top of my hole came off. I tried to stay in there, but the big human had me.

The indignity of it all.

I got my fur dirty trying to get back into the hole, and I had to spend the night in the laundry room.

This morning when the big human got home it got worse. I got wet.

REALLY wet.

And got rubbed up with some stinky stuff.

And then got MORE wet. I tried to get away from teh wet stuff, but then my boy came in and HELPED the big human.

I'm a mess.

It's going to take me furrever to get my fur back in place.

I'll take treats from them, but I ain't talking to ANYONE.

All I wanted to do was go exploring.

Are anyone else's humans this cruel?

-Patch.

[Karen]

Oh, Patch, the world is a dangerous place for kitties, even intrepid explorers like yourself! You'll have that fur back in place in no time, I promise!

[chocolatepuppy]

Oh Patch, please don't sneak out again! It's a dangerous world out there for a kitty who doesn't know the way around. Be thankful those humans got you back in!

~signed Tessa, who used to be a feral cat~

[Lady'sOtherHuman]

Patch, I'm so glad you're home. We were very worried about you. I hope you will learn to forgive him,

[Freedom]

*giggle* I am so sorry, but this is quite well written and I am giggling and laughing right now! Love the "taking treats but not talking to them" line.

Patch, I am glad you are home, safe and sound. I hope you NEVER put your humans through the worry again. I've been through it, know what it feels like. And if you don't go out, you can't get that dirty to need such a bathing with "stinky stuff."

Was the "whine" a power drill removing screws to get the "top" off the hidey hole?

[Buddy_Lee]

Patch sounds like she's a little crabby too!

[Lady's Human]

Was the "whine" a power drill removing screws to get the "top" off the hidey hole?

That's exactly what the whine was.

Evidently we've been forgiven somewhat, as I had a slightly still damp visitor "sharing" the bed with Lady and I this afternoon.

[mrspunkysmom]

Oh, Patch, it's a Bad, Bad world even for outdoor kitties, wise to the ways of the world. Your humans are protecting you and keeping you safe. They would miss you terribly.

Respectfully,
Jane, Lady Grey
The Blue-Gray Cat, who has no desire to visit the outside again.

[cassiesmom]

Oh, Patch, it's a Bad, Bad world even for outdoor kitties, wise to the ways of the world. Your humans are protecting you and keeping you safe. They would miss you terribly.

Respectfully,
Jane, Lady Grey
The Blue-Gray Cat, who has no desire to visit the outside again.

Dear Patch,

I couldn't agree with Lady Grey more. I was an outdoor kitty once. You can keep an eye on your kingdom by looking out the windows or the door. Indoors is much safer. Maybe your family can help you go outside safely if you wear a leash. My late fur-cousin Poco used to do that. But I am not interested in going outside again either. My human and I are so glad you are safe!

Sincerely,
Cassie

[smokey the elder]

Dear Patch, please remember that "having something is often not as satisfying as wanting it....it's illogical but often true!" I'm glad you're safe and sound!

[snakemama]

Hi Patch!

My humans are just as illogical about the whole outside thing. I try and try to be quiet and sneaky when they open the door, but I'm neven smeaky enough.

TWICE I've made it all the way out the door, only to be captured and put back inside.

Now my meowmie keeps a SCARY HISSING CAN THING by the door to scare me with then they are coming and going. It's so unfair!

Meowmie says something about "cars" and "raccoons" and fleas and a very busy intersection, but I think she just wants to keep all the outside fun to herself.

The dog says outside is lots of fun. I'm almost a growed-up cat, I should be able to decide for myself!!

Headbumpies,
Kyubey

[Lady's Human]

Yeah, the big human keeps telling me I'm lucky I didn't become Coyote chow, but I know I'm big enough to deal with any mangy Coyote. Sorry to hear about teh scary hissing can thing, that just doesn't sound like any fun at all.

And I'm STILL!!!!! putting my fur back in place, I still don't smell right........but I miss laps too much, so I'm talking to the big humans again. I'm too much of a sucker for a good scritch.