Annoying habit

[pomtzu]

Maybe I'm being too picky, but this really annoys the devil out of me, and I'd like to know what others think.

My son's wife is a very nice person. She of course loves my son to death - as it should be - so maybe I should overlook this:

When I say something to her - in the form of a statement - not a question - in probably 95% of the time, I never get an acknowledgment. I have to end up saying "did you hear what I said?" - then I get acknowledged. Is it too much to expect a person to at least say "uh-huh" or "yup", or whatever befits the subject?? She has been part of this family for 4 years now - you'd think she would get the hint by now. I try to make light of it with her tho, since she can go from "fair to foul" at the drop of a hat! I would no more think of ignoring a person that was speaking to me in a friendly, sociable, manner, than I would think about jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge. Where have the manners and common courtesy gone for some people???

She also refuses to call me "Mom", but I don't have a problem with that and can understand too, even tho my son's ex-wife always called me that, and still does to this day - and they have be divorced for 15 years!

What does anyone else think?

[Queen of Poop]

Not acknowledging someone when they've spoken to you is indeed very annoying.

I never addressed either of my 2 mother in laws as mom. It just didn't fit with either of the relationships. Guess that's why I'm getting divorced the second time. Nothing really felt right.

[Cataholic]

I have one mom. Anyone else gets called something else.

I wasn't aware someone had to parrot a reply to everything I ever said! I would presume if someone is speaking to me, and I utter a sentence not requiring a responsive answer, that they heard me. I can't imagine affirming everything I was told in a day. LOL.

IMO, requiring a response suggests I am having qualms about my own sense of self.

ETA in a joking manner, maybe after 4 years, you need to get the hint?

[pomtzu]

If you don't want to open your mouth to emit even so much of a grunt in response, then a nod of the head would suffice.

I have no problem with "my sense of self". i would just prefer an acknowledgment, no matter how slight, so that the person I am speaking to won't come back later and say "you never said/told me that", especially if it had any importance, and not just chit-chat.

[kokopup]

I know that sometimes we expect someone to acknowledge that we have spoken to them. The only time I feel I need to be acknowledged is if I'm in an environment that may make it hard to be understood. If you are competing with other dialog or it is noisy then I will expect at least a nod. Maybe you are
being a little over sensitive to what may be someone that is not that comfortable in social situations. I have also known people that ignore you when
you ask a direct question. There are sometimes conflicts of this kind when backgrounds are totally different, since it is sometime hard to get on the same page.

I never called my first mother-in-law 'Mom' and it was never a problem. I would not have felt comfortable calling her Mom because of the way she was. My
present mother-in-law has a nick name of Grams and that is what I call her. Before the Kids came up with Grams I called her by her first name. I
am close enough to her that I would call her Mom if you ask me to.

[Pinot's Mom]

Ellie, maybe she just doesn't do that; it's possible her family only acknowleges when an answer is required. Maybe you should just say something along the lines of, "I just thought I'd ask, and maybe I'm being a bit overreactive, but when I tell you something, could you acknowledge it in some small way, just to let me know you heard me?" It's possible she really doesn't think it's a problem.

The "Mom" thing...I called my mother in law "Helen". I didn't even call my own Mother "Mom"!

[Freedom]

What does she do, I mean as in type of work?

I only ask because, I come from a family where we always acknowledged stuff. Got into my career and was told it was a darn nuisance and to quit saying "yes," "I see" etc. everytime someone said something! So I had to learn to NOT do that. Now I often get in trouble "with the family" because I am not nodding, acknowledging, etc all through a conversation.

Never been married, no comment on the MIL title.

[lizbud]

Ellie, maybe she just doesn't do that; it's possible her family only acknowleges when an answer is required. Maybe you should just say something along the lines of, "I just thought I'd ask, and maybe I'm being a bit overreactive, but when I tell you something, could you acknowledge it in some small way, just to let me know you heard me?" It's possible she really doesn't think it's a problem.

I agree. Her upbringing may be quite different than yours. Maybe
her family didn't think it necessary to respond, unless they heard a question .

I never called my MIL Mom. My kids called her Nana & I did too.

[carole]

Personally i think it is rude when a person does not even acknowledge you spoke, simply to say nothing is rudeness. Even a simple nod just to let the other person know you are listening or heard them is better than nothing.

As for being called Mom, i understand that, i never felt comfortable calling my MIL Mum when she was alive either, i already have a mother,.so i would not worry on that one too much.

[Daisy and Delilah]

One of my dearest friends is like that. She rarely answers unless it's a subject she wants to talk about. It used to make me so mad. Eventually I had to understand that she just has nothing to say. That's what she told me. Her Mom is the same way so I can see where she gets it. Neither of them like to talk unless it's a conversation about their interests. This does appear to be arrogant and rude but it's the way they are.

I suppose some people are shy and don't feel comfortable speaking around other people too.

I am the opposite. I talk all the time and answer everyone's questions. If someone doesn't answer, I might answer for them. I wish I could minimize the yakking habit I have. I would feel terrible if I didn't answer someone's comment or question to me. I never fail to answer someone unless I'm mad at them and that hasn't happened since my 2nd marriage. If anybody ever wants to talk, I'm your person.