Rules For Entering Texas
The following list of rules apply to each person as they enter
Texas:
1) Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2) Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
3) It's called a 'gravel road'. I drive a pickup truck because I
need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way!
3) They are Called pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's why they
smell alike to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-40 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4) So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three
weeks a year.
5) So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6) We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi, too. We got over it.
7) If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8) Go ahead and bring your $800 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
13-inch trout you fish for---bait.
9) Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
10) The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
11) Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. Our women are some of the best looking in the country.
12) We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age! No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
13) Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off
the two pounds of ham and turkey.
14) When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices- salt, pepper, and
Tabasco Sauce!
15) Yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
16) High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
17) Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit in the water hazards- it spooks the fish.
18) Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
19) We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas." If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
20) Our Military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man,
woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA
Certified Shooter Education Course.
21) Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once saiid, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
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