Death to the Mini-Blinds!!!!!

[AmberLee]

War was declared on the Mini-Blinds last night.

[Sun, 22 Sept. Dateline: The bedroom] This reporter has seen terrible carnage in his time, but the results of last night's tumultuous battle was sickening. Neither side is talking to this reporter. The mini-blinds show fang marks, obscure twists, and mysterious missing spots as though a giant has viciously ripped large hunks out. The other combatents, the cats, show no damage, although the frequent bathing must signify ... something.

Did the dusty blinds drag a cat bodily through the remaining slats at 3 a.m.? A bystander, Ms. A. Lee, reports seeing a partial cat mid-blinds at that time. No blood was found, she may not be a reliable witness. Upon request, she repeated her remarks on seeing this singular sight. Unfortunately this was in language that this reporter is not allowed to quote in a family newspaper, although we are allowed to note that the phrasing was quite colorful. In summary, it appears she is fond of the mini-blinds, sleeping at 3 a.m., and the cats although her remarks are somewhat obscure and incoherent on this subject. There have been previous forays in the cat/blind confrontation, but an uneasy peace has been in force for some time. No one knows why war broke out last night. Was it in retaliation, and if so, of what? Enquiring minds want to know.

This reporter has attempted to use the internet to determine if there is an historical reference for this situation. Have marauding bands of mini-blind previously attacked cats? Or are cats the aggressors here? And if so, why? Are cats motivated by the need for oil? Wealth? Tuna? Is this another case of carnage due to religion -- and what do mini-blinds and cats worship anyway? More details tomorrow.

[Fuzzy317]

Thats very funny Sometimes one of our cats (usually Rosie) will climb through the blinds if they aren't up high enough by her standards.

[C.C.'s Mom]

German Gazette, September 23, 2002





Our correspondent in the San Francisco area informed us about the mini-blind attacks that seemed to have occured there in the middle of the night.
Rumours go that the same mini-blind attacks take place in Germany too. This morning the German Gazette was called by a female reader (who wishes to remain anonymous) that there was a blind attack in her livingroom as well. She said: "I woke up last night when I was taking a nap on the livingroom couch, and found my cat R. stuck between the silver colored blinds."
Is there a connection between both cases of extreme violence? The German Gazette will inform you if there is more news.

[Edwina's Secretary]

(New York) The United Nations today announced the formation of an international team of investigators to determine the issues involved in the Mini-blinds wars which are breaking out around the globe.

The team will be looking into possible causes of the conflicts, WHY these occur in the middle of the night, and resolutions.

However, getting blinds and cats to sit down together at the negotiations table looks to be logistically and physically challenging at this point in time.

[Cataholic]

(Cincinnati) This just in, apparently, this will not be an open and shut case. While neither of the sides are talking, the late hour skirmishes usually leave only one lone witness, making it harder to break the case.

While usually the rising of the sun quiets the nights activity, without delegates from both sides represented, one is forced to believe it is the blinds fault.

[pupper-lover]

There have been at least three reports of blind attacks, as far away as, Little Rock, Arkansas. This reporter didn't know they had that sort of technology in Arkansas, but the horror tells otherwise. Not only does the problem seem to be isolated with mini-blinds, it seems to be spreading to vertical blinds, as well.

On all three occasions, a very large golden retriever was seen fleeing the scene, with his tail between his legs. Despite, a change in residences, the madness seems to be following the Rogers-Jenkins family and their shifty eyed dogs. Sounds of rustling plastic blinds have been heard at all hours of the night.

Will this madness end.

[Fuzzy317]

All these "news reports" are very funny, and show we have some creative minds on Pet Talk

[catland]

<Oregon> - since this scourge began on the west coast of the United States, investigations have begun north of the San Francisco area. If there are any attacks in this area, no one wants to talk about it. The blinds aren't talking. The cats aren't talking.

The only mysterious piece of evidence is a series of small smudge marks left on the window, below the blinds, and about 10 inches above the window sill. There are quite a few marks, all in a horizontal line. One speculation is that they are nose prints left by the cats, but as mentioned before, the cats aren't being cooperative in this investigation.

[AmberLee]

How long must it be that we BMSs are denied the delights of racing in convertibles feeling the breeze slip through our slats or over our curves? Why are we never allowed to thrill to roller-coaster rides? When can we be FREE?

In order to achieve our true potential as rulers of this planet, it is necessary that we window treatment specialists rid the planet of lesser life forms such as those that breath air and/or sprout hair.

We regret this necessity and recommend this be done as painlessly and as quickly as possible. Follow the lead of our fellow BMSs in the Burmuda Triangle to achieve the maximum efficiency. Three a.m. works well to catch the major life forms sleeping and less alert. Actual usage in your home may vary. Unfortunately 3 a.m. is 'prime time' for the households with lesser life forms such as canines and felines. If interrupted mid-attack by one or more of these pests, feel free to imply that the pest initiated all activity and distruction. Better a bent slat than an alert human! With luck, the pest will even be punished for saving his/her masters miserable life. Defense strategy in ascending order: bent slats, broken slats, broken strings.

[C.C.'s Mom]

(German Gazette)

Our source let following statement slip through closed blinds:

The blinds in central Germany will not attend meetings that include cats or Golden Retrievers. Peace talks are not an option as long as there are no neutral parties.
The German Association of Window Furnishment has already started to talk to all the individual parties, including Mini-blinds, Curtains, Vertical Blinds, Insect Curtains, cats and dogs.

The prognose so far is not earlier expected as the beginning of next week.

Owners of both mini-blinds/curtains and canines are asked to follow these guidelines:
-Keep the window coverings open/pulled up after midnight
-Take immediate action when needed
-Evidence is to be reported (video and pictures are allowed)

Hopefully this terras will meet an end soon. The International Committee is working hard to get all parties to participate in the peace talks.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

You guys are too funny. Fortunately the mini-blind wars haven't hit this part of Chicago yet. Then again, we don't have them on any windows that are conducive to cat-sitting, so they don't come in close contact, which may be the solution. Keep the cats and the mini-blinds separated and no wars. But then again, that would be segregation and we can't have that. They will have to learn to co-mingle and live together in peace, like the rest of the world.

[weeze]

In a related case, there was an attack right here in Toronto at approximately 5:30 this morning. However the target was not the usual mini blinds but California wood blinds. Residents in the area were extremely disturbed and were woken from sleep as a result of the fracas. Immediate action was taken against the offending cat and she was removed the area without incident. There was some collateral damage however, as the other cat who was not involved in the incident had to be banned from the area for fear of a second attack. Stay tuned.

[AmberLee]

Gasp!!! Europe and North America are undergoing WAR conditions! Will this madness spread?

[C.C.'s Mom]

Peace negotiations are still going on at the EU parlement in Brussels (Belgium). Representatives from the USA and Canada will take part in the meetings after the weekend.

There was another attack in Germany. Unfortunately it was not the mini blinds that were attacked, but the an unidentified door as well as the carpet laying in front of it.
The attacker, a 4 year old male cat Rudie W. has been seen at the crime scene. In an attempt to catch him, a large Golden Retriever and a small black barking object blocked the staircase. Rudie W. fled to the attic and has not been seen since.



If you see Rudie W. or the Golden Retriever, C.C., please call 112 or your local police station.

[Cataholic]

CC's mom, those pictures with the black bars across them are too funny! I think they must represent the "innocent until proven guilty" theory here in the US...