My Mom Passed Away

[kallisto4529]

My beautiful,wonderful,loving mom passed away January 28, 2009.
I have not been on here much the last several months do to her illness with pancreatic cancer and taking care of her. I thought maybe going ahead and telling you guys and starting a thread might help me some. Now as I sit here and write I am still just as lost as I was before. I just do not know where to begin or how to feel accept lost, that is the only word that even begins to explain anything. Someone please tell me how in God's name you even go on from here, my husband is wonderful, Reilly is great, my friends have been a blessing, but none of it helps, I know it takes time, but I feel like most of the time I am not even dealing with reality, it is like a nightmare and I keep telling myself I will wake up soon and it will not be real.

My mom passed with everyone around her that she loved, my brother was here in time as was my aunt her youngest sister, and I am very thankful they were able to be here with her and us. She lived with my husband and I, this is where she wanted to be and this is where she died. Hospice was a Godsend to us and helped us out so much, most of the care giving was done by me. You know my whole life I took care of my mom in one aspect or another, she was not always a healthy person, but I loved doing it, I loved doing for her and being there for her and having all the wonderful moments that so many daughters will not ever get with there mom's. God blessed me so much, I have so many moments I play over in my mind, so many memories, and I would do anything I could to make one more memory with her, to hear her laugh, her voice, to feel her hug me or kiss my cheek, that is what I miss most is the feel of my mom's arms wrapped around me and to know there was never a safer place. How do you ever move on from that, how do you stop waking up in the middle of the night looking for her, or praying desperately you could just feel her one more time???

My mom did not suffer her pain was very minimal and God took very good care of her and I do find comfort in knowing she is in heaven and she will never have another health issue, another sad day, another bit of pain of any kind, it is surely more than I ever could have given to her and all that I would want for her. I just don't know where I am supposed to go from here, I don't know how to survive this and to not have my emotions and feelings so out of control.

Here is my mom Vi.





Thank you for letting me share her with you, and letting me babble, if you guys don't mind, I might just use this as some therapy for myself from time to time, it worked with Mousse and Ginger and maybe it might here.
One more thing to all of us that have lost our beloved fur babies, I want you to know something, they are there waiting for us when we go, my mom saw my Mousse and Ginger when she was seeing angels, so I know they will be there for all of us when our time comes.

Thanks again
Marti

[blue]

Im sorry for your and your families loss. It sounds like your mom was right where she wanted to be in the end.

My prayers to you, your family, and for your Mother.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Aw Marti..., I am so sorry for your loss...! I lost my own mom 2 months ago, so I understand what you're going through! Nothing harder than losing your own mom... .
This is what I did to cope with that loss:
I put pics of her everywhere in the house, and I talked to her all the time. I talked about all the good things we had, about great memories. This worked for me! I've also accepted now that mom is in a good place now, reunited with all her loved once who died before her. She is painfree now, and is also able to walk again (she had MS).
My mom was 85; how old was your mom?

I am sending you feel-better-vibes and many big hugs ! Take care, okey!

Your mom was such a beautiful friendly lady!! What a sweet picture of her!!

[Medusa]

Your mom was an elegant woman, to be sure. Everything that you're feeling is perfectly normal; it's so soon to be concerned about getting back into any kind of a routine. You will wake up during the night and you will feel like you can't go on for a little while. That's all part of the healing process. You're fortunate to have your husband and pets at your side so let that be a comfort to you. When each of my parents died, I became somewhat angry that the world didn't stop. It seemed almost cruel that life carried on as usual. Then, of course, I realized that the world did stop but only for me.

I read somewhere that if you take the "u" out of the word "mourning", that leaves the word "morning", a new dawn of hope. So don't try to force anything; just allow your husband, friends, pets and PT family to be there for you and to comfort you. In the meantime, many prayers are going up in your behalf. Keep the faythe.

[Marigold2]

I am so sorry for your great loss. I understand. Lost my mom 15 years ago this Sept. Time is a great healer. It is really the only thing when you lose someone so close to you. I think it's harder then losing a spouse, people get remarried all the time but a parent can not be replaced. All these feelings you are having confusion, loss, being alone, scared, helpless are all normal. One painful thing for me is that I never recieved another birthday card or gift from my mom. Not that I wanted a gift but those little things, like a plant or a book just little things. She would bring donuts when she visited or maybe some oranges. I miss her cards a lot, miss going out to lunch, and the phone calls, God how I miss those.
But again, time is the healer. Be kind, be patient to yourself. Cry, cry and cry some more. Weeks, months will pass and you will be ok and then something will remind you of your mom and in the middle of the grocery store you will start crying, sobbing and have to leave or go to the bathroom. 15 years and it still happens to me but not as much. Now I see it differently. I know how loved and blessed I was having my mom.
Only had her for 34 years but the love I had from her was more then others have had from their moms in 100 years or never. She must have told me she loved me one billion 97 million times at least. I have two friends whos mom never told them that. Blessings to you. May time move quickly to heal your pain and may many happy memories be with you always.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Donnaj4962]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through. Please take comfort in the fact that you and your family were able to be there with your Mother as she passed. And that you were able to keep her in your home and take care of her is a true blessing.

God bless you, your family, and your dear sweet Mother.

[Logan]

As much as a blessing she was to you, you were a blessing to her, too, and I am sure she is watching over you now, Marti. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Randi]

I'm so sorry to hear your mom has passed away, it is one of the people who are the most painful to lose. Your mom is free of pain now, I hope that will be a comfort, and you have done all you can to help her. Keep your mom in your heart and remember all the good things.

Big hugs and purrs from Fister and me.

[4 Dog Mother]

I am very lucky and still have both my mom and dad who are 88 and 90 and I dread the day they go. So I have no advice to help with that. So first I am going to offer my condolences and to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Since your mother lived with you, you have had a closer relationship with her than many people have with their mothers. I am not talking about loving her more but being used to her being there every day, seeing her, talking to her, giving and receiving those hugs. It is only natural that you are going to feel the pain of her not being there in every room you walk into.

The truth about grief and how you go on is --- you just do. It may not feel good, it may not feel right (after all you lost someone you loved very much and your world has stopped for awhile - why is everyone else's going on like normal?) When our son died 3 1/2 years ago, I definitely was not sure I wanted to go on or could go on. But I had a husband, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, brother, mother, father and friends. So you get up every morning and do all the things you did before. Sometimes it is almost impossible to get out of bed or dressed or go back to work or act normal. But you do. You will never be the same so you find a new you. Your old normal is no more, so you find a new "normal". Find people that you can talk to. Talk to us. If you continue to have trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor. There are medicines to help you sleep that are not addictive. There are medicines for depression to help you feel more in control of yourself again. Don't feel bad about crying - crying is good because it does help work through those feelings of loss. Slowly you will stop crying so much. You won't be missing her less, you will just be able to handle the feelings of loss differently.

It takes time so give yourself that time. Everyone grieves differently and some take longer to grieve. I will be praying for you! PM or email me if you'd like. Diana

[Catty1]

Marti:

{{{{hugs}}}}

My mom and I are the only ones left in our immediate family. I can't imagine losing her, but know that she will likely go first.

I just can't imagine it, she has been a great friend, mom - and yes, a nag at times! - and completely irreplacable.

Heal on your own schedule. Never mind anyone else.

With my dad, it was like being in a kind of tunnel before and after. It was unreal...and I think the mind wisely does that so the reality hits us more gradually, breaks through and then recedes...

HUGS to you. Your Mom looks like a great lady who loved to laugh! I wish you peace and happy memories.

I like Lut's idea - put up pictures and talk to them.

I think Mom will hear you.

[Taz_Zoee]

Marti, I still just don't have the right words to help your pain right now. I wish I did. But I think what others have said here are good things to remember. Lut's idea is great. I always talk to a friend of mine's picture when it pops up on my screen saver. He passed in 2007.
Your mother was a beautiful lady, just like you. I am always here for you if you ever need to talk or cry. I just wish I was there for you to give you a huge hug and cry with you.
Come back to this thread as often as you'd like just to get your thoughts and feelings out.

Lots of to you and your family.

[Daisy and Delilah]

Your Mom was a beautiful, elegant, lady. I'm so sorry. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Cataholic]

Marti,
What a loving relationship you shared with your mother. I am sure the she was as equally blessed as you, in loving you. I am so sorry for your pain, and hope you find comfort, in time, remembering all the wonderful memories you shared together.

Cataholic

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care. (((HUGS)))