I don't know if this has ever been posted before but I just bought this book today for my grandsons. It is by Henry Beard and the illustrations are just adorable. It's too bad you can't see them.Here is the poem. It is long, but it is cute!
A Cat’s Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, I’d killed the last mouse
I awoke from a cat-nap and prowled through the place,
For someone to play with or something to chase
Tucked up in their bedrooms the humans all slept,
As out through the premises I casually crept
From the edge of the mantel the stockings were hung,
But a foot or two higher than I’d ever sprung
They’d left out some cookies arranged on a plate,
And a big glass of soy milk, a beverage I hate
In a pot in the parlor they’d propped up a pine,
A toy-laden scratching post that suited me fine
But I’d already broken each low-hanging ball,
And trashed any ornaments that happened to fall
My cat-door was shut tight, the woodbin was stocked,
The plants had been brought in - the windows were locked
On the lawn was that white stuff that freezes my paws,
I’ll cough up fifty furballs before that stuff thaws
The chipmunks were hiding in their smelly holes,
Rehearsing spring raids with the moles and the voles
The last of the geese were flying off to Florida,
To make some golf course a little bit horrider
I could go dig my claws in the rare Persian rug,
And jiggle and jostle the frail Chinese jug
And plop myself down on the "off-limits" chair,
But what is the point if there’s nobody there?
To say I was bored ‘twould be putting it mildly,
I was seized by a need to run around wildly
I zoomed down the hallway, a world-record dash,
Then all of a sudden I heard a slight crash
I may have brushed something left out on a shelf,
Though I think ‘tis more likely it fell by itself
The key to these mishaps is pure nonchalance,
A dignified retreat is the proper response
I strolled to the kitchen for something to eat,
In hopes I would chance on a tasty cat-treat
But what’s in my food bowl? A fowl’s gooey guts,
If I’d killed that thing ‘twould be Tsks and Tut-Tuts
On top of the counter Birdzilla was thawing,
On that big ugly gobbler they soon would be gnawing
I catch heck for nibbling a few baby sparrows
And they feast on turkeys the size of wheelbarrows
I was starting to ponder how life is unfair,
When just at that moment there came through the air
A conspicuous whiff of that marvelous herb,
An appetite for which no kitten can curb
In the twitch of a whisker off hunting I went,
To track down the source of that tantalizing scent
The telltale aroma - the potent perfume,
Of Nepeta cataria, (catnip) oh luscious legume
And there on the floor at the foot of the banister,
Its lid by its side, lay an overturned canister
‘Twas whatever it was that I just barely bumped,
And now on the parquet its contents were dumped
‘Twas a huge minty mound of delectable leaves,
Far better than mistletoe for cats’ Christmas Eves
And let me assure you no balsam or holly,
Could make, on this holiday, yours truly so jolly
I frisked and I frolicked - I quite lost my poise,
When from up on the roof beam there came a faint noise
I pricked up my ears and I heard a soft clunk,
Then a series of tip-taps and one final thunk
I ran to the attic and stared through the skylight,
Had that feline elixir played tricks with my sight?
For there by the gutter at rest on the ice,
I spied a sleigh drawn by eight pairs of white mice
On top of the sled rode a plump silver cat,
With a bell-studded collar and a red Santa hat
“Get me off this darn roof!” I heard him exclaim,
As he lashed at the rodents and called them by name
“Down Dainty, Down Scrumptious! Down Toothsome and Tasty!
Down Morsel and Mouthful and Meatpie and Pasty!”
“Down Juicy and Chewy and Yummy and Crunchy!
Down Dumpling and Sushi and Nacho and Munchie”!
When on terra much firma they safely alit,
He jumped from his perch and I knew ‘twas Saint Kitt
His fur was alabaster, his booties were black,
And over his shoulder he lugged a huge sack
The cat-door banged open - I heard him clomp in,
He clunked and he clattered and made quite a din
As quick as a wink down the stairs I did scoot,
But he’d hopped through the hatchway and left me his loot
And there in the parlor piled under the tree,
Were oodles of presents and all just for me
I dashed to the window and peered through the panes
I watched him re-mount and take hold of the reins
He mustered his scurriers and sat on his seat,
They squeaked and they chattered and stamped tiny feet
And as they flew off with a crack of his whip,
“Merry Christmas!” he called out, “and lay off the catnip!”
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Christmas Tail!!
Too Funny & So True
Originally Posted by GILL
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