Good Comebacks to Bad Pick-up Lines

[Catty1]

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family..._pick-up_lines

Good Comebacks to Bad Pick-up Lines
What to say when he won’t go away ...
By Véronique Larivière


We’ve all been the victim of a pick-up artist. You know the type: he swaggers up to you, opens his mouth and delivers a ready-made, clichéd pick-up line that sounds like it came straight from a Las Vegas comedian circa 1950. But with a dose of humour and tact, you can easily deflect the approach of any would-be seducer. So here they are: the cheesy lines, and the snappy put-downs you always wish you’d thought of!
“Come here often?”
Your first reaction to this tired line? “He can’t be serious”. Unfortunately, he is. So here’s what to say:

“No, and you’re not giving me much reason to come back.”

“Okay, let’s rewind and take it from the top, this time without the clichéd introduction.”

“Did you come here with your boyfriend?”
Another unforgettable classic, well known for its subtlety. He’d like to know if you have a boyfriend / significant other, or any other obstacle to the two of you having sex. So here’s your response to his burning question:

“No, but my girlfriend will be here any minute.”

“Yes, he’s the big guy working the door.”

“Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”
If you look vaguely familiar to each other, no problem. However, if you’re sure you’ve never laid eyes on him…

“Yes, and that’s why I never went back!”

“Sure, now I remember. I used to work at the STD clinic.”

“I lost my number, can I have yours?”
Some men have added jokes to their pick-up line repertoire—without even bothering to check if they’re funny first. Or in this case, logical. Let him down with:

“Have you tried dialling 411?”

“If I give it to you, it would be nice if you lost it, too.”

“Your dad must be a thief. He stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
OK, we’ll admit that this one has a certain sweetness to it. But since this isn’t medieval Verona, and we’re leaning against a bar—not a balcony—we can’t help but get the giggles. So take a deep breath, and come back with:

“And where did you steal that line from?”

“Yes, he did, and now he’s in prison. Thanks for reminding me.”

“My friend over there wants to know if you think I’m cute.”
Nice try, but he could think up a better pretext for approaching you. Point to an anonymous (ideally burly) cute guy and say:

“You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you’re really picking up his girlfriend.”

Alternate move: walk over to his friend and say:
“No.”

And if his friend turns out to be cute? Offer to buy him a drink!

[Marigold2]

And then the fight started.... ================================================== ================ My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started. ================================================== ===================== My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started. ================================================== =================== When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station... And then the fight started.... ================================================== =================== After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ================================================== ============= My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ================================================== ========== I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started...