Out of the mouth of babes

[kuhio98]

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so
much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's
me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please
don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I
cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom
asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:
'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular
Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended
toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you,
we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very
obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite
audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is
butt dust?'

Spread the smiles!!

[kuhio98]

Here's one I'll tell on myself.

I was 3 years old and we were moving to the US from Scotland. My sister was 1 and a half, my mother was hugely pregnant with my baby brother. The line at the crowded airport was long and Mom was having trouble keeping me under control while holding my sister. So, she let me roam a little.

I became fascinated with a man in another line. I had never seen a person of color. I went over to him and rudely stared trying to figure this out. I touched his hand to see if he was real.

Then, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "Mom, do you like this chocolate man?"

Soooo, what did you do to embarrass the heck out of your folks?

[Randi]

I love them - yours included! Little kids are so logical!

[kuhio98]

Oo! Oo! Gotta tell this one about my mom.

My mother inherited her beautiful singing voice from her father. When she was 4 or 5, she was somehow encouraged to get up on stage at church and sing a song. Since they didn't tell her what to sing, she picked her favorite of the moment.

She began at the top of her lungs, "Lay that pistol down, gal. Lay that pistol down. Pistol-packin mama, lay that pistol down!"

That's about as far as she got. Brought down the house! But, she was never asked to sing again.........

[Husky_mom]

thanks for the great laugh!!...

kids can be sooo funny.....

hubby also asked about the milk one... just he asked if one was for milk and one for juice

my kid once at a store was trying to "help" me pick a gift for a baby shower we were attending and one time he picked something up he asked me "how much does it cost?" (no clue why he wanted to know but I´d tell him) later on he said to me "I know how much this one costs" so I asked him and he responded "it costs 4 kilometers" with such a proud face.....LOL

this one is of my bro... it´s more of a spanish word trick but here is the translation

a pagar: means to pay
apagar: means to turn off

my aunt was taking care of us while my mom was out, my bro asked her were she went and my aunt said "fue a pagar la luz" (she went to pay the electric bill) after much looking for her my brother replied "but to what room?!!... ( he understanded " fue a apagar la luz" which is: she went to turn off the lights, hence his reply)

[lizbud]

"The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular
Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended
toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you,
we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very
obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite
audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is
butt dust?' "

[Laura's Babies]

Oh! I got a GOOD one, may be offensive to some but it was so funny! My little brother was small when this happened, I am not sure what age he was but he must have been about 7 or 8 maybe. We had a bunch of people at the house for some reason and when my boyfriends brother went to the bathroom, little brother followed. When they came back my little brother announced loudly and in shock, "Mama! His isn't as big as Daddy's!.....

[chocolatepuppy]

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's
me?'

How in the world did this little girl think of that?
kuhio, my nephew yelled out to my sister while grocery shopping "look mom, a chocolate person", when he was three,my sister was so embarrassed.

[Pam]

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

These are hilarious! I love them all but this one was my favorite. To a four year old that is exactly what kissing must look like! What a great thread!! Keep 'em comin' everybody!

[Fuzzybuns]

I don't have any to share about myself because I was adopted at 6 and nobody now was around before that but I have two cute ones about my husband.

The entire family (aunts, uncles and grandparents included) was in church and David (my husband) was about 3. He started acting up in the pew during the sermon and his daddy had gotten onto him for the last time! He was told he'd get one more chance before he was carried out. That time came and as my father in law walked down the aisle carrying him, David, at the top of his 3 year old lungs, started yelling "Save me Bill, Save me Bill" and reaching over my fil shoulder to an uncle.

Wait, I have another about him...

There was a party at my in laws house and several people were already there. My mil was giving David, 4 years old at the time, a small snack of cookies and milk before he was sent back to play in his room. His MawMaw (grandmother) was sitting at the table with him and said he needed a napkin so he went and got one. He turned around just in time to see her take the last bite of one of his cookies. He started crying and people came running. As everyone stood in the doorway to the kitchen, my mil tried to pry out him what happened...all his little snivelling self could say was "MawMaw, you're a dumb---, you took my cookie!"

[Ginger's Mom]

Ah, an oft-told tale when we were younger. My sister was about 3 years old and my Mom was walking us to church. There was a very lovely older couple whose house we often stopped at, but this morning we were late. My sister was insistant that she wanted to see the Mr. and Mrs. Goode. And my mother told her no, that we were late for church and she could not go up the steps to their house and visit with them. Twice she told my sister not to go up the steps, but Sharon went up any way. On about the second or third step Sharon tripped and fell. Sharon looked up with big saucer-like eyes and said, "God pushed."

[Taz_Zoee]

This is one that my niece said. First of all, I don't want to offend the Oregon PTers we have on here, so please don't take offense.
When my niece was about 7 years old we (my brother, SIL, my two nieces and myself) took a trip up the coast to meet with my sister that lives in Oregon. On the way to the Oregon border the girls kept asking - are we in Oregon yet? Once we were FINALLY in Oregon my youngest niece said - Are you sure we are in Oregon? My SIL said yes, why? She said - Because Aunt Rhonda said people in Oregon don't know how to drive.
She was really confused because she saw cars on the road driving around. I guess she expected to not see any cars at all since "people didn't know how to drive in Oregon". We had a good laugh about that one.

I could go on with these kinds of stories, since I worked with kids for 12 years, but I'll limit it to my family.

[kuhio98]

Here's a sad - yet kinda funny - one I read. I think it was in Reader's Digest.

A mom had to go into the hospital to have an operation. Her little 5-yr old boy wanted to visit her, but the hospital had a policy that no children under 12 could visit.

Every day, he asked his dad if he could visit his mom. Every day it was explained why he could not.

Finally, one day his mom called him on the phone. They had a nice talk and he felt better. But, as they were about to hang up, the boy broke down into sobs. His Mom asked him what was wrong. Though his tears he said, "I'll see you when I'm 12!"

No matter how we try to explain, children have their own logic. And they are usually right!

[Flatcoatluver]

How cute!

I was 5 when my mom had a garage sale. I liked to pretend like I was a dog and I barked at everyone there. So my mom put me into the playpin. A man let me out as a joke since I was barking at him and I ran up and bite him. I hope I had my rabies shot.

[Alysser]

My family and I were once in the mall and I was around 6-7. My dad was saying to my mom "we should kill time before dinner". I started crying and said "Why would you want to KILL time?"