My BA paper - Art & Technology - What do you think?

[CountryWolf07]

Accomplishing a Bachelor's degree in Art & Technology as an artist, offers me a

chance to expand my creativity at limitless possibilities. Obtaining a degree I have an

interest in, would allow me to share my love and passion for the field. As an artist, I

would make a positive contribution by continuing to be creative and innovative; I would

always be on the cutting edge of art technology, as I am now.

Art has always been a second nature for me. It is easy for me to visualize

something and to put it on paper. It is a form of visual communication, a pastime,

because talking was difficult due to my deafness. Art is an avenue to express my

emotions and feelings when it comes to art. Art is a way of expressing who I am without

putting it into words. To have a career in art, to be an artist makes complete sense. As a

child, growing up to where I am today, I have always known what I wanted to pursue in

life. To have a career in art, to be an artist, makes complete sense. It has always been the

first thought in my mind when it comes to knowing what I want to have as my long term

goal in life. Not having a career in the art field would be incomplete, and having a job

that encourages me knowing who I am; offers me a chance to be happy.




I am not done with it, but it is for my BA Art & Technology review I have coming up in a couple weeks. I have to state my reason why I want to be in the art department and why I want to be an artist, and what my long term goals are.

If you have any other advice, do let me know. =) Thanks.

[Freedom]

I wish to make 2 comments.

First, this sentence:
To have a career in art, to be an artist makes complete sense.

You have it in there twice, so probably you should delete one.

Second: YOu final sentence. It starts with a negative. I think the sentence is OK, but your final sentence should end on a positive tone right through!

Why not make the first phrase: Not having a career in the art field would be incomplete.
a complete sentence, and you could even move it up to where you take out the other sentence? Then make what is left the final sentence and it ends on a positive tone.

Just my thoughts.

Best wishes for the review!